


Barge of the Dead

by HelenaHelena



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Major Character Injury, Mission Fic, Rescue, Slow Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-01-16 07:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 44,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenaHelena/pseuds/HelenaHelena
Summary: Ten years in the future, Fleet Captain Pike has been in an accident, completely paralysed, his life and career are over.Luckily, Discovery just might need a new Captain, and Michael Burnham knows just the man for the job, someone no-one will miss.A fix it for pretty much everything.





	1. Float like Foam on the Sea (part I)

_“So, I must die and float like foam on the sea, not hear the music of the waves, see the lovely flowers and the red sun! Can I do nothing at all to win an eternal soul?”_  
Hans-Christian Andersen, the little mermaid

Excruciating pain and nothing. As the nerves in his neck were eaten away by radiation. Nothing, he could not even blink. Nothing, as his own body became detached. He could hear voices, but not voices he could understand. He could see light, but his vision was not making sense of it.

“Fleet Captain Pike” Is the first words he hears. Someone in a blurry version of himself stand there.

“Am I dead?” He asked, but no sound came out.

As an echo, the blurry figure asks the same thing.” Is he dead?” Someone answers. “No, but he is not surviving the night.” Almost dead then.

“Don’t step any closer, sir. He is still radioactive.” Death by radiation. He thinks in his quit mind. That crystal on Borath had it all wrong. He would not suffer the end he saw there. He would have blissful death.

Blissful death in the line of duty, such that it was supposed to be for Star fleet’s finest. He thought bitterly.

———\/———

He was still alive the next morning. Barely, from what he could make out from the sounds coming from around him in the busy infirmary.

“Can he understand what I am saying?” Someone, Commodore what’s-his-name said. “Yes, the scanner says that he is awake. He cannot reply though, he is completely paralysed.” 

“Fleet Captain Pike, you were in an accident.” Commodore where-the-hell-do-they-find-these-guys said.

“Why is he not answering?” Commodore Not-so-bright asked, “Paralysed," Pike thought, “remember, 10 seconds ago, when she told you?”

“He is completely paralysed, sir, he cannot even blink. Radiation damage, broken neck.”

“I thought you said he was awake?” Commodore what-was-it-his-name-was asked, Weber, that’s right, his name was Weber.

“He is, sir, he can hear you. See, there is a spike on here from his brain, whenever he is asked a question.”

“If he survives, we can hook him up to a machine that can translate his rudimentary answers.” The young doctor continued. At least Pike thought that she sounded young. She primarily looked like a blurry blob on the outskirts of his vision.

Pike had a pretty good idea how that was going to work out. He wasn’t wrong.

———\/———

Pain and boredom were two things that should be medication for. Pike decided. Unfortunately, they only gave painkillers for the prior and not the latter.

Pain would at least have meant sensation, input, stimulation. An itchy nose. Anything. But there was nothing. Only half blurry visions of doctors, nurses and the occasional senior officer. 

Trapped, alone, no man should be alone with his own thoughts. Else it turned out that they weren’t so pretty.

The worst was the pity. 

“This is so dreadful for you, Christopher.” Commodore other-asshole told him. “You are still listed as active, of course. We know Star fleet means everything to you.” It was definitely getting less and less by the minute.

Months in isolation in one’s own head was bound to create some bitterness.

What the fuck was he going to do with an active fleet Captain title? Couldn’t they just give him a room with a view? Or take him back to Earth? He was dying anyway and he had been away too long, it would feel good to die at home.

Fuck Starfleet.

———\/———

Even with his blurred vision, he knew it was Spock the moment he entered his room.

“Captain Pike.” He greeted, someone had prepared him, he didn’t sound shocked at Pike’s appearance.

He would have asked Spock to call him Chris, but he couldn’t. What a dreadful sight he must have been. Stiffened up in a full body wheelchair. He was probably drooling. Unable to close his eyes or even blink on his own. Horrible scarred.

Pike blinked two times on the wheelchair for yes. That should have meant. “You are the first friend that came to see me, please call me Chris.” But of course, two blinks were better than nothing.

Spock stepped into the corner. It took a moment for Pike to realise why. The surveillance camera, of course.

“Captain, are you in pain?” He asked slowly.

“No” Pike beeped.

“Good, you need to come with me.” This didn’t sound legit. And whatever Spock had in mind, it most certainly was jeopardising his career. No way, Pike was going to ruin any more lives. Especially not Spock’s.

“No.” Pike beeped.

“Captain I am sorry to remove you against your will.”

“No.” Pike beeped.

Spock decided that whatever it was that he was going to do ranked over Pike’s futile beeping

———\/———

He was not on Talos, Pike thought, at least not as advertised in the brochure. First of all, he still couldn’t move. And he was not in the wheelchair anymore. Confusion.

“Wow, Spock wasn’t kidding around when he said that Captain Pike was in a bad shape.” A female voice, he thought that he had heard before said somewhere outside his limited vision-span.

“Tilly, just turn on the doctor, we don’t want the Captain dying going out of orbit.” A voice, calm female, Pike thought that she could be in more panic when they were discussing him dying.

The first one must have been Ensign Tilly, what was she doing here. Was she dead too? He wondered. Was this some trick?

And where had Spock or the Talosians, and the Enterprise gone all suddenly.

“Must I? Don’t you think this is something Pollard or Culber can fix?”

“No, I definitely don’t think this is something we can fix on board, just turn him on.” Burnham? Why was Burnham here too? Wasn’t she supposed to be somewhere else?

“Fine.” Tilly sighed.

“Please state the nature of the medical emergency.” A male voice, one which Pike definitely could not recognise, said. “Oh, it is you two. Holo-nappers. Help, Help, help.” The man continued. 

“No one can hear you, doctor, you have a patient.” Tilly said.

“Damn it, fine. Let me see.” Pike could see a figure, a man, balding, blue uniform hovering above him. A medical tricorder was buzzing in his face, or very close to his face. He couldn’t focus his eyes on it. 

“Hmm, Hmm.” The doctor said. “He appears to be paralysed.” “We know that doctor, can you fix him?” 

“Who the hell did this hack-job?” The doctor continued. Pike would also like to know who did the hack-job on him.

“He should have been hooked up to a nerve regeneration unit months ago. And what is this tube feeding, are they also using leeches and scalpels? Damn 23rd century medicine. This is like the dark ages.” 

“So, can you cure him?” Tilly asked impatiently. Pike could vaguely see a figure behind the doctor, red curls, black uniform.

“You are hovering, ensign. Please give me a bit of room.” The doctor ordered angrily.

Pike could make out Michael’s low voice in the background. “We have him, thank you Spock.” Spock’s calm voice. “It is I who is pleased that the plan worked,”

“Do the Captain of the Enterprise suspect we were here?”

“Negative, it is as we agreed. Talosian space is restricted, no one will miss him. Live long and prosper, sister.”

“Live long and prosper, brother.”

The transmission ended. 

Pike got the creeping feeling that it was not only the doctor that had been kidnapped. 

———\/———

“Could you two at least tell me his name, I think he can hear everything I am saying.” The doctor said.

“His name is Christopher Pike; I think his friends call him Chris.” Michael said in the background. Pike thought, yeah, if he had any friends, they should definitely call him Chris.

No-one was saying anything for a moment.

“This is Captain Christopher Pike?” The doctor asked. “You have kidnapped the Christopher Pike? Have you two gone completely crazy?” Pike thought that there should be nothing particularly special about him. Why was this a big deal?

“Yes, now treat him doctor.” A very impatient Michael was saying. Unclear whether she answered yes to him being Christopher Pike, him being kidnapped, or them having gone completely crazy. Most likely all three things were true. At least Pike was pretty sure that he was Christopher Pike.

“Fine, fine.” The doctor said, not sounding particularly enthusiastic about it.

The doctor placed something on his temples. “This will sting a little.” The doctor said mostly to Pike, it did sting, just not a little, his chest and back erupted in pain. Pain that couldn’t be alleviated by moving.  
“I am stimulating your lung tissue and thoracic diaphragm. You may experience a sensation of respiratory distress.”

Pike was pretty sure that he did. If he had had any use of his own body, he would have coughed. He missed coughing.

“Is he suffocating?” Pike could hear Tilly ask accusingly in the background. Yes, yes, he was.

“No, he is not, but these quacks have completely bypassed his respiratory system. He should be breathing on his own in a few minutes.” The doctor said.

“And could you stop commenting on everything over here.” That was answered by a huffing sound by ensign Tilly. Yes, everyone please stop commenting on this. Pike thought.

“Why are his readings going crazy?” Michael asked alarmed. “We need him alive, doctor.” Yes, yes, they needed him alive.

“Relax, he is not dying, he is just regaining nerve feedback control.” The doctor, did-he-have-a-name, said.

Yep, he was definitely dying. Pike decided. 

“Can you not sedate him?” Michael was helpfully asking. What a coincidence, Pike wanted to know the same thing.

“Excuse me, who of us is the doctor?”

“Technically, you are just a hologram.”

“That is the most holo-phobic remark I have ever heard.” The doctor huffed insulted. “And no, I cannot just sedate him. Unless you don’t want his cerebral cortex to regain any level of nerve control.” 

Pike was not sure what that meant, but it sounded like something he would want.

Pain, in every muscle of his being. Everything he had not felt since before the accident came back to him. All the pain, his body had failed to inform his brain about for months, flushed over him.

“Can’t you do something?” Tilly said worried from very far away. No, he could not so anything, Pike thought, before he realised that she hadn’t been talking to him.

“This is all perfectly normal, ensign. Relax.” The doctor, said. It didn’t feel all that normal. The doctor gave him another shot.

“Captain, according to your scans you are panicking, could you perhaps try to relax?” The doctor said calmly. Pike had not intentions of trying to relax.

Then the feeling of air came into his lungs, and exiting. Unassisted. It was a strange feeling. One that he had not thought he would experience ever again.

He closed his eyes on his own, and it felt strangely relieving. He surrendered to sleep.

———\/———

Pike woke up in a strange painful haze. He didn’t realise he had moved his left arm to cover for his eyes. The lights were too bright, almost blinding.

“Ah, good, I see that you are awake.” The holographic doctor continued. “And that the therapy is working.” He seemed rather happy about it.

“Where am I?” Pike asked, surprised that actual words came out. And then a feeling of extreme nausea, with the stimulation of his throat. He gagged and to his surprise got enough momentum to roll to his left side.

“Is he going to be sick?” He could hear Tilly say worried from his other side. “No, he currently has nothing in his digestive system.” That didn’t prevent him from gagging again.

The doctor gave him a hypo in the arm without any warning. He could feel the nausea alleviating. He fell asleep again.

———\/———

When Pike woke up for a second time, the lights were dimmed in the small room that looked like a shuttlecraft of some sort. He did not however recognise the design.

There she was, Michael. She sat two meters away from him, and just stared at him.

He didn’t feel any pain, only discomfort. Funny, how when he was immobilised, the only thing he had dreamt off was moving, running, being free. And now he was pretty certain that he actually could move his muscles. He could at least feel them. He just wanted to be completely still.

“I can see on the monitor that you are awake, Captain.” Michael said quietly. “I don’t know if you can speak?” She still sat in the furthest corner, too far away from him to touch her.

“I can speak.” He said. It was hoarse, and the words came with difficulty.

“I am sorry Captain that we had to make this deception, however, I fear that it was necessary for the Discovery not to be detected,” She said, staring into her hands. She was looking older than the last time he had seen her; grey hair was mixed with the black. She was wearing a black uniform. A Star fleet insignia on her chest, with a design which he had not seen before. 

Worn out. Tired. She at least looked better than him, he was certain.

He didn’t know what to say.

“Where is ensign Tilly and that Doctor that was here before?” He asked instead. Michael looked down. “Tilly is sleeping, I turned the Doctor off for the night, he’ll be activated if there is an emergency.” She said.

That raised more questions; however, Pike did not want to ask them.

“Are you still in pain?” Michael asked softly. He was, but it was okay, it was a dull muscle pain. It felt strange, and he could feel that his mind having difficulty processing the many sensory inputs. But he was happy to see her.

Remembrance of a time long passed for him.

“It is okay, Commander.” Pike said. She got up and moved to something that possible was a replicator.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” She asked. No, not really, he would like a glass of scotch. But he doubted that she would find that for him.

“No, thank you, Commander.” He coughed. She looked forgivingly at him. “Sir, I think maybe I should rephrase that as an order. The doctor specifically said you needed to drink something when you woke up. It is tea or electrolyte water. You decide.”

“Fine, Commander, tea then.” He said annoyed. “I don’t suppose whiskey would count?” He added as an afterthought. “I wouldn’t bet on it, sir.” She said.

“Herb tea, tepid, with a straw.” Michael ordered into the replicator.

“What kind of doctor is he anyway?” Pike asked. Now that real actual questions were an option.

Michael shrugged.

“Came with the ship. He is actually a backup from a famous holographic novelist from the 25th century. His bedside manners are a bit lacking though.” 

That didn’t answer anything, but he was too tired to ask them at this point.

Michael returned with the tea. It tasted like tepid herbal tea. Pike really didn’t like tepid herbal tea, he realised.

“I think maybe I would like the electrolyte water, Commander.” He coughed as Michael held the glass with the straw up to his mouth.

The electrolyte water wasn’t much better.

“We rendezvous with the Discovery in 6 hours and 34 minutes, Captain, it will be good if you sleep a little more.” Michael said, and moved back to her chair in the furthest corner of the room.


	2. Float like Foam on the Sea (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments :-)

Michael breathed out worried after the exchange with Captain Pike, and moved to the pilot seat. She made a second check of the propulsion system, and the course heading.

There were no vessels in the sector; that was good. They didn’t need to be spotted in this time and place.

She took a long look back to the medical bed, where Captain Pike had fallen asleep on his back. At least he wasn’t dead. But he had been in much worse shape than she had thought. It was no wonder that Spock had been able to abduct him that easily.

Fortunately, Spock had been in complete agreement with her, and had refrained from asking too many questions in the limited time they had had.

It was troubling, to say goodbye forever for a second time to Spock

“Vulcans do not lie.” Well, that was the biggest lie of them all, wasn’t it?

The Talosians had been trickier than Spock, but eventually they had agreed as well with the deception.

Now she just needed to persuade Captain Pike to take over command of the Discovery.

The ship might not be as he remembered it, would he oppose all the decisions she and Captain Saru had made? Most likely.

It had not been easy years for any of them.

———\/———

Michael was falling asleep and her hands were shaking. To the point where they almost were unable to hit the touchscreen in front of her, she realised.

Michael took a look at Pike again, he was sleeping soundly, green blanket covering him up to the neck. Would he disapprove too much if he knew of the stims, she was taking?

Definitely, likely. She was not going to tell him.

With shaking hands, she unzipped her small duffel bag and pulled out her hypo, and loaded it up before she pressed it towards her own neck.

Blissful calm spread from the injection place, her hands went steady and her brain began waking up again. Michael smiled for a moment to herself.

Michael carefully placing the empty hypo spray back in her bag, and hid it under her spare clothes. She could not image that Captain Pike was going to search through her personal belongings, but it still felt more secure there.

Tilly had a suspicion, of course, but she had her own things going on, and she did not know to what extend Michael was using that stuff now.

Michael went back to her seat, and turned on the PADD with the crew reports for the last week. She should just as well get that over and done with.

Piping leak in deck 6 again. It had been fixed, but they needed spare parts. Reno complaining about that tech from 2649 they stole; it was not compatible with the forward shield configuration. Reno had assigned two resources to come up with a solution. Estimated time, unknown.

Michael looked over at Pike again, and wondered whether the doctor could remove the scar on his face. No matter what, he looked much better now his facial muscles were not paralysed.

She moved back to her work. Would Pike keep her as XO when he regained command of the Discovery? She hoped so, but she could not really say at this point.

It was another five hours before Tilly got up, her hair was even more messy than usual. Red curls everywhere. 

“Oh my God, how long have I slept?” Tilly yarned and took a suspicious look at Michael, who was currently drinking a cup of coffee from the replicator.  
“Did you sleep at all?” Tilly continued without waiting for an answer to her first question.

Michael had to lie. “Of course, I just woke up.” It came so naturally.

“It was all nice to have a night without being woken up every two hours.” Tilly continued.

“It cannot be that bad.” Michael commented pleasantly. She had had limited experience with children, but Tilly’s daughter was almost five, even though she did seem like a rather active child.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really love her, she is amazing, and … But she is a pain in the ass when she asks for something to drink for a trillionth time….” Tilly took a look at Pike, who was apparently still sleeping.

“Is he all right?”  
“Well, I only needed to get him something to drink once…” Michael commented dryly, making Tilly laugh.

“Did he also ask for strawberry juice?”  
“Nah, Whiskey.” Michael said, amused.

Tilly walked to the food replicator to get a cup of coffee. “He didn’t like our herbal tea.” Michael added. Tilly made a repulsed facial expression.

“Coffee, hot, medium blend.” Tilly ordered into the replicator; a cup swirled into existence in front of her.

“Honestly, the first thing you give him after being practically awoken from the dead is herbal tea? We don’t want him scared away before he even comes onboard.”

Michael made a resigning hand movement. “So, you think I should have given him the whiskey?” She asked with feigned annoyance.

“No, I...” They both stopped and looked at Pike, who appeared to have been awake for at least the last couple of minutes and was now coughing.

Pike tried to get up from the bed, holding a hand over his eyes. He managed to get up to a seated position on the edge, before slipping and losing his balance, he fell to the floor of the shuttle with a thumb.

“Damn it. EMH activate.” Michael said, while both Michael and Tilly sprang into action and assisted Pike up again. It appeared that he still had some motor skill problems with his legs.

The doctor flickered into existence next to them.

“Please state the nature of the medical … What are you two doing?” The doctor asked accusingly, while he pushed Tilly out of the way.

“On the bed, Captain,” He ordered. Michael pulled Pike the last way up. She was so close to him that she could feel the heat that emanated from his skin. For some reason it made her uncomfortable.

“Inactivity would do that to you, Captain.” The doctor said annoyed, and scanned for injuries.

———\/———

The doctor fixed Captain’s Pike’s scar with a dermal regenerator after that.

“Your muscle tone is still weak, the protoplaser can only do so much. You might want to perform limited physical exercise during the rehabilitation phase.” The doctor gave Michael another annoyed look, as if she would restrain Captain Pike in during any exercise.

Michael sighed and looked out of the window where the Discovery was getting closer and closer.

“Discovery, this is the Delta flyer II, mission successful, permission to land.”

“Acknowledged, Delta flyer II, hangar deck ready for landing.” Detmer’s said over the comm.

“And Captain, it is good to have you back.” Michael looked back at Pike, he had clearly heard Detmer calling her Captain. Michael would need the crew to stop doing that now that the Captain was back.

Michael pulled on her black uniform jacket with insignia while the hangar deck was decompressing.

“Are you well enough to walk, Captain?” Michael asked and took a look at Captain Pike, who was now at least able to sit up without gliding off the bed.

Michael looked expectantly at Pike, who was trying to unsteadily stand on his bare feet. “I hope so.” “Good, we’ll walk slowly.” She smiled encouraging.

“He should be in a sickbay, a proper sickbay not a medieval torture room like the ….” The doctor was interrupted by Michael saying. “Deactivate emergency medical hologram.”

———\/———

As soon as they had exited the shuttle hangar, Tilly was moving nervously, indicating that she would like to leave.

“I need to… Captain it was really good to see you again.” Tilly said. “But I … can I go …?” She asked towards Michael, who nodded and smiled; she knew why Tilly was in a hurry.

“Of course, Tilly, say I said hallo.” Tilly gave Pike an apologetic smile and hurried along.

Michael looked indulgently towards Pike, who was walking a bit stiffly after her. He was still wearing his 23rd century medical jumpsuit.

A couple of crew-members in black uniforms hurried past, not taking too much notice of neither Michael nor Pike.

“Welcome to the Discovery, again, sir.” Michael said. “Thanks, Captain.” He said, the title making it clear that he had heard Detmer’s use of it in the previous transmission.

“Acting Captain, sir.” Michael said looking away.

He repeated. “Acting Captain? Where is Saru?” It was a tender point. Where was Saru? Shame filled her, and sorrow.

“Sir, I … Captain Saru was killed when …” She composed her emotions; the crew did not normally discuss Saru in front of her. “… that is why it is good to have you back, sir, the ship has been without a Captain for too long.”

Pike stopped and tried to establish eye-contact with her. He didn’t really succeed.

“Michael, you are more than qualified, don’t get me wrong, I am happy that you came back for me, but I don’t understand…”

“Sir, I would prefer not to discuss it.” Michael said, purposefully not meeting his eyes. Michael composed herself for a moment before changing subject.

“The Discovery has undergone a major refit since you last saw her.” Michael moved to the business side of the tour instead.

“So, you are no longer flying under a Starfleet flag?” Pike said surprised. “On the contrary Captain, we are just not flying under the flag from 23rd century Starfleet anymore. Our mission statement is under the temporal high commissioner of 2842. We have full autonomy, and we are mostly self-regulated.” Michael explained.

Pike didn’t look particularly trilled, “I see, what period of time has passed for the Discovery?” He asked worried. “9.65 Earth years.” Michael answered, it had been a long time. Michael knew.

“I see, and you would like me to take over the command?” Pike asked solemnly. “Can I think about it?” He continued. Yeah, of course, but Michael had just expected Pike wouldn’t have needed to think about it.

“Of course, Captain, just don’t think about it too long, we are jumping in five days.” She said.

They were at her quarters. The ones she had once shared with Tilly. “I thought you might want to have a shower and some clean clothes.” Michael said.

“This is your quarters.” Pike stated flatly. “I am aware, Captain, but all single rooms or suites are reserved for families or crew-members with children. Everyone else has a bunkmate. You are bunking with me.” He looked more put off by this than she had thought that he would.

It would be difficult with the current room allocation to find an available room. But of course, if it was a deal breaker for him; she could possibly get a bunk somewhere else. Pike did however follow her in.

The room did almost not contain any personal belongings after Ensign Thomas, her latest roommate, had left.

She pointed towards the nearest bed. “That one is yours, Captain. You won’t be bothered that much by me, I am rarely here.” She said.

“The replicator can make you some clothes, do you need assistance operating it?” She asked, Pike probably did; it was somewhat troublesome, but he shook his head.

Michael out her own bag on the bed. And decided that she could unpack later. “Ehm... Okay.” She looked awkwardly around. Pike probably wanted some alone time.

“Come see me on the bridge when you are settled in. Comm badge, responds to one push and then voice commands, here.” She handed him the spare comm badge from the desk.

And fled out of the room. Michael could feel her heart beat harder when she came outside. Why had she asked him to bunk with her? Could she even handle him being that close? Even though she rarely was at her room. Just being in his proximity again was painful. Seeing him like that, watching him being almost dead. That was too much.

Captain Pike had been dying. Just as Captain Georgiou, Captain Saru, and all the others she had failed.

Captain Pike was not dead of course, but he had been close, and she had not been there for him. He could have been spared the pain of that horrific accident, had she just… Her line of thoughts could not even go there.

And now Michael was asking him to be Captain again. Would he die like all other Captains, she had worked under?

She could not bear the thought of his demise as well.

———\/———

Michael walked in on the bridge. Nhan, who had been sitting in the command chair, got up, and gave her the place.

“So, did you get him?” She asked. “Yes, we got him, ship’s status?” Michael asked, checking the panel next to the chair.

“No problems, we were not detected. Ship maintenance is underway.” Nhan reported.

Michael nodded, “Very good, Commander.” 

It was clear that Nhan wanted to say something more, having served under Captain Pike for longer than any of them, she was probably curios to how he was.

“Can we jump on schedule?” Michael asked concerned, they were still down, and the mycelium network were heavily overloaded every time they made a time jump.

“Affirmative, Stamets reports that we are on schedule, Captain.” Nhan continued. Michael opened and closed her left hand, wondering whether she should react to Nhan calling her Captain, she shifted to sit differently in the chair.

“Very good.” She should have taken another dose of stims before she had returned to the bridge. That was just pure stupidity. 

She probably also needed a bath. That could wait, currently, Captain Pike would be using her bath. She couldn’t say why she found the thought troubling.

“Notify me, if there is a change.” Michael stood up again and struggled to the ready room. She should eat. One of the side effects of the stims she was using was loss of appetite.

She had ration bars and stims stashed away in a hidden compartment in the desk. Better remove them before Captain Pike decided to look in that one. She prepared a dose with the stims, and shot herself in the neck with it.

And breathed out. Eating the ration bar in one go, and going for another coffee. The replicator in the ready room had a selection between raktajino and prune juice latte; they got the replicator from a worn-down Klingon freighter at some point during the third Rigellian uprising.

Burnham hoped that Captain Pike would enjoy raktajino, because he sure as hell wouldn’t like the latte. That was just plain disgusting.

The prune juice wasn’t even the foulest taste in that. She was pretty sure that the latte part wasn’t made to taste like it came from any animal that even remotely resembled a cow or eatable plant for that matter.

Michael removed the rest of the ration packs and placed the last vial of her stims in her pocket, and put the hypo spray into the recycling unit. The last thing she needed was for Captain Pike to find the stuff and begin to ask questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like, please leave kudos.


	3. Float like Foam on the Sea (part III)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos :-)

Pike threw the comm badge back on the desk where Michael had taken it. The room was clearly occupied. Even though the lack of personal belongings was a bit concerning.

He had to admit that the prospect of sharing a room with anyone, least of all Michael Burnham, was not a daunting prospect. But she had said that she wasn’t there much, maybe she had a boyfriend or girlfriend somewhere else on the ship, whose room she would sleep in.

Somehow, he didn’t like that prospect either.

The room still had most of its original design, it was small, two beds, a desk, a way too small refresher and bath. Metallic hull, no windows. He had not shared a room with anyone since he was an Ensign, and back then he had said most of his time with his then girlfriend. What was that, thirty years ago, maybe more?

The only thing that was not part of the original design was the replicator. It looked like the food synthesisers, but the interface was unfamiliar.

There were only two buttons, reading “Operate” and “Repurpose,” well that could mean anything. Pike pushed the “Operate” one. Nothing happened.

Voice activation, he thought next. “Make clothes.” He asked into the thing. “Please specify.” He breathed out relived, at least it was on.

“Make a Starfleet uniform.”

“Please Specify.” A female voice replied. Damn it.

“Ehm, Starfleet uniform, male size M, fleet Captain rank.” “Please specify.” What was wrong with this thing?

“Starfleet uniform, human male size M, fleet Captain rank.” Pike tried adding a “please.” This time.

“Please specify.” Okay, the `please´ hadn’t worked. Pike gave it a light punch on the side, that didn’t help either.

Maybe he should have asked Michael with help on how to operate it, he thought. But calling her now would just be embarrassing.

“Do you have a textual interface?” He asked hopefully.

“Affirmative.” Nothing happened.

“Where is your textual interface?”

“Please specify.” God damn it. He already hated the damn thing.

“Turn on textual interface.” Pike tried, and was surprised when a touch interface revealed itself on the surface just below the opening.

And it was in Standard, perfect. With Burnham it could just as well have been set to high Vulcan.

The menu neatly read:  
Items, Design, Compound Status, Log, Settings

He chose `Items´.  
The second menu was neatly divided into categories, Digestibles, Textiles, Metallic compounds and Other.

He chose textiles. There was a list, a very long list with no apparent order. With a scroll option, he scrolled down, an extremely long list. None of the first 200 items on the list was a Starfleet uniform in human male size M, fleet Captain rank.

At this time, he would have been happy with any clothes item that was the right size, Ensign uniform, bathrobe, or anything.

He pressed return, maybe he could see what Michael had used it for, and see the specifications for a suitable uniform, and maybe he could get the vocal interface to comply with that.

He entered “log,” and was presented by a list, apparently ordered by ships star date, and time and name of item replicated. He scrolled through the list. Michael appeared to use the replicator primarily to make something called Kiozaprine Theotinoin, a compound he did not know what was.

He scrolled up in the item list, and located a clothing item, it was listed as:

Starfleet uniform, United Federation of Planets and Cardassian Alliance, Temporal division, earth year: 2842, size: human female XS, height: 1.65 m, Standard shoe-size 38, rank: Commander.

Pike pressed operate again, he had no idea if this was necessary or not, or what the button even did, but just as well …

“Starfleet uniform, United Federation of Planets and Cardassian Alliance, Temporal division, earth year: 2842, size: human male M, height: 1.85 m, Standard shoe-size 45, rank: fleet Captain”

Pike spoke slowly and as clearly as he could into the replicator.

To his surprise a black uniform and actual boots appeared on the platform inside the replicator in a cloud of yellow sparks.

Now he just needed the replicator to make it make toiletries and a sandwich. For a very short moment, he considered calling Burnham and ask.

He figured it out on his own. It took some time.

———\/———

It was early afternoon, when Pike entered the bridge to look for Michael. She was not there.

Commander Nhan stood up from the tactical station, visible surprised. Her once long brown hair was cut short and practical, he noticed. She too looked tired, or maybe just older than what he remembered.

The other personnel on the bridge was Owosekun and Detmer. They hadn’t changed as much as the two senior officers.

They were apparently finishing with their lunches. On the bridge!

Owosekun had a square bowl with something that looked like noodles in her hand, and stared at him, as if she was just recalling that Star fleet regulation forbade anything other than beverages on the bridge.

Detmer nervously put her cup of coffee under her chair, and brushed a couple of crumbs from her uniform as she scrambled to stand at attention.

To follow Detmer’s example, Owo put the noodles on top of the helm station and stood up as well. “Ehm, at ease.” Pike said awkwardly.

Besides those three the bridge was currently empty. And all three were looking at him, as if they expected him to say something first. Actually, they all looked surprised to see him, whether it was his black uniform or the fact that he was actually here, was difficult to say.

“Ehm, I am looking for Commander Burnham,” Pike said, looking from Owo, who had still her mouth full of food and Nhan, who at least was not currently eating on the bridge.

“Good to see you again, Captain.” Nhan finally said after clearing her throat, obviously not having expected him to come up here.

“You too, Commander.” He smiled. Hoping that it was true, that she was happy to see him.

“She is in the ready room.” Nhan said and looked apologetic at Detmer and Owosekun.

He passed the command chair with a sigh; it was currently empty. Even the ship looked older. The chair was worn and the panel next to it had visible marks of use. The view screen was set to empty space. A few stars in the distance.

“Thank you, Commander.” Pike said, letting his hand trail over the armrest of the command chair as he passed it.

“Owo, Detmer,” he greeted, and bit his tongue so he wouldn’t comment on the lunch on the bridge. They gave each other a worried look when he passed them.

Sitting down again only when he was at the door to the ready room.

———\/———

Pike entered the ready room, Michael was seated at the Captain’s desk, next to her was a mug with something that resembled coffee.

“I see you figured out how to operate the replicator,” She commented dryly, looking down again on her PADD.

He shrugged, not didn’t want to tell her his initial problems with it.

“So, you have decided?” She asked, her coffee cup looked like it had been filled, not touched, and now the coffee had grown cold.

“I guess I have nothing better to do.” He said taking a seat on one of the chairs in the ready room. One of the ones he had gotten ten years before. They were also worn out from many crew members having used them over the years.

Honestly, he still didn’t understand why she would need someone to do the job she was apparently doing right now. If it was him who decided on promotions, she would be up for one right about now.

She had been a Commander for a long time. And despite the lacking discipline regarding food items on the bridge, probably wasn’t doing all that bad.

She breathed out relieved. “Good, I am pleased, Captain.”

“I have, however, one condition, Commander.” She looked up from the PADD in surprise. “You need to promise me that you’ll be up front with me.” 

It looked like there was a million things going on in her head before she un-committing said. “Sure, Captain, anything.”

“I am transferring command codes to you now, sir.” Michael said. She was surprisingly fast.

Shouldn’t she be taking his isometric measures and show the entire bridge-crew some embarrassing information about him? Possible she could publish his medical history from the shuttle-trip; that was kindda personal.

“Okay…” Pike said slowly measuring her up, she looked even more tired now. “That was fast, don’t you need more time to ...” Pike trailed off. Michael just stared at him with empty eyes, 

Clearly not then.

Pike wondered how many crew-reports that needed reviewing since she wanted the handover business to go that expedient.

———\/———

Fleet Captain Pike had been Captain for a long time, but he had to admit that the construct of the current crew of the USS Discovery was slightly unconventional under regular Starfleet standards.

They had been around for a long time, he realised.

Currently, there were 183 uniformed Starfleet personnel on board and 67 civilians including 27 minors. The youngest being merely 17 days.

At least it would appear that the crew had found something to do in their spare time.

Four decks with crew quarters had been redesigned, they appeared to have a mismatch of different technologies. The technologies did not however appear to work that well together. But at least they did still have a warp drive, impulse drive, and an updated spore drive.

Most of the ship was still running three shift days, engineering and sickbay were running four shift days. Jett Reno, who was in charge of engineering, was however at least running three out of four shifts.

Stamets were still in charge of the spore drive and appeared to work only every second shift, unless they were jumping, in which case he was working all three shifts without breaks.

The bridge crew was not on a shift schedule at all, but just checked in, when they felt like it. Michael was also not on any sort of shift schedule and did not check in anywhere.

Pike had a gawking suspicion that it was not because she wasn’t covering her hours.

Pike didn’t like any of this, but changing it drastically was probably not the best idea. He had actually also no idea how generational ships were normally organised; he would need to read up on that.

There was time, currently, there were still five days before they were scheduled to jump again.

The new mission statement of the Discovery was that they were an autonomous temporal scout ship. With primary qualifications that they looked old and inconspicuous.

He was looking forward to see what they were actually doing, when they weren’t saving him or kidnapping holographic doctors.

He peaked at Michael who was doing her own thing with her cold coffee in one of the ready room chairs.

“You are not drinking your coffee, Commander.” Pike commented dryly. She looked up slightly startled that he was talking to her.

“No, I ... must have forgotten about it, sir. If you have everything you need, I guess I’ll be on my way sir.” Michael stood up, looking surprisingly nervous. She straightened her uniform jacket with her hands and collected the mug with the cold coffee.

“Commander Nhan has the bridge if you need anything.” Michael said not meeting his eyes.

Right, Pike thought, talking to her had scared her off, maybe he should start working on his people skills or perhaps on whatever was wrong with Burnham.

He sighed, well hopefully Michael was going back to either catch up on some sleep or going for something to eat. 

After Michael had left, he realised that he should have asked how to operate the replicator in the ready room. It definitely looked like it was from a different time period; but Pike couldn’t say whether it was from a dystopic future or a bleak past.

If he was to guess the replicator was made out if old tin cans with green paint on them.

It read something in Klingon on the front, Pike could not read Klingon.

“Coffee, hot, medium blend” He tried. Maybe he should insist on Michael coming back to help him.

The replicator didn’t do anything. Might as well… Pike was not certain he was ready to ingest anything it produced.

“Nuq’neH?” The replicator said angrily after a while. God dammit, what was wrong with this ship? Pike had a feeling that the refit Michael had mentioned had been some time ago.

Pike also didn’t speak Klingon.

———\/———

Pike chimed on Ensign Tilly’s door. Two crewmen hurried past giving him a worried glance. But not enough to stop. Pike couldn’t really put a finger on it but there was a strange mood on this ship.

The door flushed open, revealing a very small version of Ensign Tilly. For a moment Pike thought that some terrific time travel accident had actually made a younger version of the Ensign.

The small girl had huge red curly hair, and was wearing a very pink dress that to Pike’s limited knowledge of fashion, did crash somewhat with her natural colouring.

“Ehm, Hallo?” Pike tried.

The girl looked sceptical at Pike and said with a very sharp voice. “Mo-om, there is a weird man, again.”

Wait, weird man? Again?

It turned out that he was in fact not faced with a de-aged version of Ensign Tilly, when Ensign Tilly appeared moments after.

“Oh, hi, Captain. You look better than… I mean you look good in… I mean come in… ehmm” Tilly looked awkwardly around at the small two room apartment. It was filled with a large number of toys, books, clothes and other personal belongings hurdled together to form a chaotic mess.

“Is this a bad time?” He asked, taking a look at the child who was now looking worried towards her mother with an expression Pike couldn’t really interpret.

“No, no, Captain, come in please, ehm, sorry about the mess, I mean…” Tilly was not wearing her uniform but green t-shirt and trousers. 

Pike felt bad for invading her privacy like that and it was clear that he had not been expected.

Tilly moved the child out of his way, gestured for Pike to enter, and indicated the seating arrangement in the middle of the room. The table was currently filled with bowls, cups and used napkins. From the looks of it, most of the food had not been consumed but had ended on either the floor or the table.

It looked like they had had some sort of porridge.

Pike stepped over a stuffed bear, removed a shirt currently occupying the nearest chair, and put in on top of the pile of clothing items currently occupying the chair next to it.

Tilly coerced the child to sit on the couch.

“Listen, mummy needs to talk to the Captain. Real quick, you can play that game you like on my PADD.” The girl still looked suspiciously towards Pike, but accepted the PADD anyway.

Pike had not realised that it was possible to install children’s games on standard issue Starfleet PADDs; it appeared to be about a fairy collecting pink hearts in a green forest.

Right.

It went `bing´ every time the little girl collected a heart.

“Okay, Mommy will just turn off the sound,” Tilly said and grinned again apologetic towards Pike.

“Mo-om, it is boring without the sound.” The girl whined; Tilly shot him another apologetic look. “Yes, I know, sweetheart, but when I am finished talking to the Captain, we two can go down to the playground.”

Great, now they had a playground. But okay, they had 27 children on board of course they had a playground.

The girl made a noise, which Pike interpreted as the child was already engulfed too much in the game to hear what her mother was saying.

Tilly got up, looked back towards the child worried, then towards Pike.

“Eh, sorry, she is normally more… ehm, social and …”

“It’s okay, Ensign,” Pike said, he had always admired that people had the actual patience to raise children. Personally, he had always felt that it would crash with a career in Starfleet.

Belay that, what career?

“So, let’s start again, Captain.” Tilly said. “This is ehm Alex, she is my daughter, and …” “I had guessed as much.” Pike commented dryly.

Tilly removed the clothes from the chair next to him and put the pile next to the child on the couch, and placed herself in the edge of the chair as if she could be called into action at any minute.

“So, why did you come down here, Captain? I thought you would want to recuperate for a couple of days?” Tilly asked. He shook his head. “Unless this is a social call, in which I am all for it.” She continued.

“No, it is not a social call.” Pike said apologetic and flashed her a smile that hopefully said “sorry,”

“No, no of course not, Captain, ehm, I mean, that wouldn’t make any sense …” Tilly babbled on. 

The volume of the PADD was currently being turned to a higher setting in the background, the game going, bing, bing, bing. Tilly shot a tired look in the direction of the child.

“Great, now she knows how to operate the volume.” Tilly mumbled, not doing anything about it.

“I wanted to ask Commander Burnham, but I can’t find her anywhere, and she is not answering on her comm badge.” Pike tried to get Tilly’s attention. Tilly rolled her eyes and finally moved her head in his direction.

“Yeah, she does that a lot.” Tilly sighed.

“So, I read the ship logs, but it appears to contain a couple of gaps, I was hoping that someone could fill me in.” 

Tilly looked back towards Alex again as if the child was a Klingon that could attack them at any moment.

“We deleted most of that, yes.” Tilly commented, her mind clearly being elsewhere. “Have you eaten, Captain, because I could…”

Pike took a look at the stale porridge on the table. “Yes, I have, thank you.” He said pleasantly.

“Okay, ehm …” Tilly began again. “Well, when we followed Michael into the future, ehm... that was a long time ago.” Tilly was still mostly focused on the child.

“We sort of, I mean, she kindda missed by a bit….”  
"And when you say a bit?”

“Ehm, about three hundred years and half a quadrant.” Tilly said,

“We ended up around 2835 instead. Time-travel is highly regulated in that time-period, and …ehm… with the sphere data and everything, they sort of gave us, Captain Saru, I mean, an ultimatum…”

“Who is Captain Saru?” Alex asked. Tilly cleared her throat saying softly to the child. “Another time, sweetie.” Tilly turned towards Pike again.

“... Well, the choice was between being put in a temporal internment camp or start working for the temporal high-commission.”

“Mom, what is a temporal internment camp?” Alex asked, still not looking up from the PADD, but apparently still listening in on the conversation. 

“Ehm, nothing, sweetie. Go back to your game.” Tilly said, and mouthed directed towards Pike, almost inaudible “We’ll discuss this another time.” 

“Mom, I can still hear you.” 

That was about as much information he ended up getting from Ensign Tilly.


	4. Sharp, like a Double-Edged Sword (part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos :-)
> 
> *quotes are taken from Episode: Star Trek, Amok Time

_“The most precious you own I want for my expensive drink! I must give you my own blood, that the drink may be sharp, like a double-edged sword!”_  
Hans-Christian Andersen, the little mermaid

The Vulcan in front of her had a fevered look. He was tall and had broad shoulders. Michael breathed out hard, concentrated. She was already assessing the Vulcan deep in pak-tow. Even before the duel had begun.

The officiator was an elderly Vulcan male, which Michael had programmed to look as different from her father as possible. 

“Kah-if-farr*” He yelled and the groom moved to the gong to end the wedding ceremony.

The under-officiators played on their chimes. All was as it should be, the calm was ended when the groom was stopped by the bride.

“Kal-if-fee*.” The bride said, not taking her eyes from the tall Vulcan in front of her.

The bride was a young female Vulcan and was wearing the traditional hairstyle of the highborn Vulcan houses, and an elaborate wedding dress with in an intricate metallic pattern.

Michael was wearing the clothes of the traditional brides-men. She was looking on with indifference to the spectacle in front of her. Despite the heat, she shivered. The damn stims again, she was always too cold or too warm when the effect was wearing off.

The under-officiators began chiming again, as the bride looked around towards the wedding possession for her champion. Her eyes stopped at Michael.

Michael looked again at the groom. He was bigger than the last she had fought down here. The groom was probably a lot stronger and possible more agile than her. His fever would push him to the extreme. She was looking forward to the match.

“It is done*.” The officiator said.

“I accept the challenge*.” Michael said, not taking her eyes from the groom, her mouth curled up in a smile. 

The officiator looked pleased.

“Here begins the act of combat for possession of the woman, T'paanver. As it was at the time of the beginning, so it is now. Bring forth the lirpa.*” He said. Michael was not interested in T’paanver, that was not the reason for this.

Michael was handed the lirpa, a weapon with a huge half-moon blade and a counterweight. It was not her favourite, and it would be a challenge to win.

The groom was already circling her. His fevered mind was aching to kill her. Pak-tow: the best motivator.

She moved around him, as he moved around her. They both waited for the other to strike. For a minute longer he could contain his patience before he lashed the blade towards her, stepping hard in the sand in front of her making a cloud of dust around them.

Michael quickly stepped aside. And pushed the counterweight into the back of his knee. He almost didn’t buckle making a quick move towards her, again, this time cutting the upper part of her arm.

Michael moved back again, the next time he attacked she was ready, striking with the blade towards his face and almost hitting. The groom pushed the counterweight into her left knee. It made a strange sound, but the pain was blocked out from the rush of adrenaline.

“Kroykah.*” The officiator yelled; time was up.

“We continue with the ahn woon.*” The officiator said while making a gesture to the two under-officiators to accept the lirpas from the contestants.

Michael touched her knee, it was at least bruised, maybe some tendon damage. She gridded red sand from her hands, before accepting the ahn woon. 

The ahn woon was a long strap with tassels at the ends. A weapon that, opposed to the lirpa, was one of her favourites. She had often practiced it with Spock when they were young.

The groom gave out a beastly sound, his impatience was wearing him thin. She would have to strangle him to stop this. 

They began circling each other again. They locked their eyes with each other, both trying to anticipate the next move.

Michael made a pretend throw with the ahn woon. She pushed her arm back again, the ahn soon still in her hand. The groom flinched, but quickly regained his momentum.

In a proficient move, the groom threw his ahn woon against her, she flew a step backwards as the tassels flew past each of her temples, trapping the strap around her throat.

Michael could feel her breathing becoming restricted. Michael gasped for air while she tore at the strap. The groom jumped her, and flung her to the ground. His superior strength making itself known to her, as he too struggled to get control of the strap currently around her neck.

Michael fought under the groom and tried to roll to one side, but he held her in place. With all her remaining strength, she moved up and nodded his nose with her forehead and breaking it. Green blood ran over his lips. In shock, the groom staggered backwards, allowing Michael to finally loosen the ahn woon around her neck. 

As the groom staggered to his back, Michael flew at him, now her being on top of him. Dust-clouds of red sands covered them. She could feel the fever on his skin, as she pulled her own ahn woon around his neck, and with no hesitation pulled it to the side, effectively breaking his neck.

She breathed out, rolled off the groom, and lay for a moment in the sand next to the dead groom.

“Kroykah*” The officiator yelled very far away.

“End program.” Michael said with some difficulty and breathed out.

The dead groom, the bride, the officiators and the sand slowly disintegrated around her. It was replaced by the black emitters from the holo-deck. Another upgrade they had gotten for the Discovery. 

Could holograms feel? She hoped not.

She sat up; she was still wearing her Vulcan ceremonial clothes. The clothes were torn, and bruises were probably forming from the damage she had sustained around her neck.

“Restore holo-deck safety protocols.” She spoke hoarsely, damn it, her vocal cords might also be damaged.

Michael rolled to get up, her knee was definitely also damaged. She would need to use the protoplaser she had in her room. Michael thought as she limped to the exit.

The physical pain felt good, it felt like everything was a little easier. 

———\/———

Michael had not expected that Captain Pike would be at her the quarters when she returned. She let the door shut closed behind her, standing and stared at him for a moment.

Pike had been resting on his bed in full uniform, but sat up and was analysed her appearance.

As she wasn’t certain what time it was, him being there could be completely reasonable.

“Oh, sorry, sir.” Michael said. Not certain what to say. 

Michael decided to behave like this was perfectly normal. She limped into the room, not taking her eyes from him, and sat down on the edge of her own bed. She still held on to her bleeding upper arm, in a futile attempt to stop the blood.

Pike sat up and definitely looked like he wanted to comment, but for a moment more just let her do her part.

Michael pulled off the ceremonial helmet, and pushed out her medical kit from under the bed with her good leg.

“Are you injured, Commander?” Pike asked and stared at the slash in her upper arm. “Training accident,” She said, and hoped that that would be explanation enough.

She felt a sense of shame that he should see her like this. But it was clear that he was not leaving or minding his own business. 

“Right.” He said. Blood was dripping on her duvet.

“Medical kit…” Michael said and pointed at the box, when he moved around gesturing that he wanted to help. He pulled the small metallic box the rest of the way out and clicked it open.

“There. Dermal regeneration unit.” She said hoarsely and pointed at a medical device on the top, not sure if he was able to identify the correct one. He quickly picked it up and handed it to her. Of course, he did not know how to operate it, she realised.

She accepted it with her bloodied right hand, it was shaking, “Thank you.” She said and gave him an insincere smile. She turned it on and held it at an angle at the wound on her arm. A green beam hit her torn skin, effectively closing it.

“How did the other guy look like?” Pike said, clearly in a jest. Not knowing what to say, Michael just looked up worried.

He sighed, when his attempt at breaking the ice clearly hadn’t worked.

“Shouldn’t you go to the sickbay, Commander?” Pike suggested tired, as he studied the dermal regeneration unit, which she had handed back to him; it was now covered in blood.

Michael shock her head. Of course, she couldn’t go to the sickbay, they would notice the stims in her blood immediately, but then again, he could not know that.

“Right.” Pike said again not being utterly convinced and took a medical sanitiser from the kit and cleaned off the blood from the dermal regeneration unit. 

She also needed a new dose of stims, but of course she would need to wait for that. 

“In all honestly, should I worry that some other member of my crew needs medical attention?” Pike asked, she gave him a strained look.

“No, it was a solo accident.” She said. 

Fleet Captain Pike clearly didn’t believe her. 

“I’ll just be a second,” Michael said pulling out the protoplaser from the med kit and a spare uniform from her drawer. Any further discussions with the Captain on this side of her next stim dose might be best avoided.

Michael fled to the refresher and pulled off the rest of the ceremonial robes. Her knee was purple. It would appear that she had underestimated the damage, her neck also showed signs of extensive bruising. Even with the protoplaser both would be tender for a long time.

Her hands were shaking so badly now that it was difficult to turn on the sonic shower.

She struggled around in the bathroom. She should have a vial of the stims somewhere. She opened the medicine cabinet. Nothing. A toothbrush some stuff that was not hers. 

There should be some stims somewhere, she punched at the wall next to the cabinet, she would have to make some more.

Her hand began hurting as well. Damn it. She sat down. She needed those stims. She must have used them all up before, she needed to make some new ones with the replicator.

The problem was that Captain Pike currently was in the way to get to the replicator. Maybe she should have gotten him another place to stay. 

Even if that was difficult if she wasn’t going to let four people bunk together. And with the demise of Ensign Thomas, her room was the only one with an available bed.

Michael slid down and sat on the floor shaking. Her clammy skin felt too tight. 

“Commander, are you okay?” She could hear Captain Pike ask from the other side of the door. No, she was definitely not okay.

She couldn’t answer. She had miscalculated with how long she would have. She could hear the Captain very far away, pulling her upward. Pike must have entered the refresher with his override codes she realised. Her vision slowly faded before she finally passed out.

She felt a hypo spray to her neck. The stims, the Captain had given her a dose, but something was off, it was definitely not a full dose.

Michael staggered backwards in a haze. Looking up in the Captain’s face, he looked serious, in his black uniform and perfect hair. 

“What did you do?” She breathed out hard, not being able to get up again. Pike tried to help her, by pulling at her arm. She struggled herself free of him and leaned towards the wall of the refresher.

“Did you remove my medicine?” She asked in horror as the realisation dawned on her.

“I also reprogrammed your replicator.” Pike admitted with an annoying amount of self-confidence. “It is not making any more illicit medical products without a medical or command override code” 

Shit. Michael thought. She would have to steal a medical override code from someone.

“I really need that.” Michael said weakly. Pike shook his head. “Damn it, Michael.” Pike said with resignation, and went to pull her up again. She surrendered when he pulled an arm around her waist.

If she had not been feeling so horrible, she would have found it awkward that she was in her underwear. It felt intimate and annoying at the same time that he was holding her up.

He moved her left arm around his neck to be able to drag her out of the refresher, and allowed her to lean her head towards his neck. “Let’s get you to bed. If you are really good, Commander, I might even get you an herb tea.”

Michael, who was currently not very happy with Pike, ended up pretended her chuckle was part of a cough.

———\/———

They were walking in the dense under-forest. Michael with the scanner went in the front of the away-team.

“The debris should have ended up in a perimeter of five meters from this position.” She said, and looked towards Captain Saru and Ensign Tilly. Tilly looked extremely uncomfortable in the hot and humid climate. Michael could also feel the moisture making her own clothes uncomfortable wet. She must have looked as uncomfortable as Tilly.

Only Saru looked slightly better.

The under-forest was filled with dense vegetation, and the trees above them blocked out the light.

“The object came here within the last four years,” Michael said to herself, the vegetation could easily have swallowed the small debris up in that time.

The debris was difficult to focus on for the scanner, as its compounds being primarily organic. 

There. There was something red and blue, it stuck out under roots and other greeneries. Saru had located it at the same time as her. Both certain that they had found the object they were looking for.

“Don’t touch it, it will kill you.” Hindsight-Michael told Captain Saru. He did touch it, as he always did in this dream. Michael wondered for a moment whether this was what had really happened? Or whether it was just her overactive limbic brain that had made it up? Michael did not know.

As the blue organic material encapsulated Captain Saru, Michael struggled to get to him, He had been just next to her, and now she could not get to him, even when running, the distance was getting longer and longer. She tried to push herself out of the bed, her sheets held her in place.

“Light 50%” Michael could hear someone call from very far away. She was still uncomfortable hot, and bathed in sweat. Was the climate control of her quarter set to the same as the environment of that jungle? She questioned.

And why was Captain Pike here? She asked herself, in the jungle. He had never been part of this particular dream before.

“Don’t touch it.” She said, in panic. For a moment she was not able to distinguish between Captain Pike and Captain Saru.

“Don’t touch what, Commander?” Pike asked confused. Of course, he would be confused, in a moment she was sure that he too would touch the object and die.

“Did you set the climate control?” Michael asked accusingly. Maybe he had played with that as well as removing the stims.

She was still in her bed, she realised, why wouldn’t her consciousness wake up? She was still half engulfed in sleep. 

Captain Pike sat down next to her. The hallucination of him didn’t make any sense. Why was he awake, or even here? Why was he on Vulcan in her childhood room? None of this was making any sense to her. She had dreamed of captain Pike often, imagined that he would be there, near her, laugh with her. Comfort her, when she was alone. But he had never felt this real.

The stims; she needed a dose to get awake. To clear her head from this strange fantasy.

“I need my medicine.” She said, begging captain Pike to get it to her. But as an imaginary person, he did not get it. “I know.” He said quietly, and pushed her into his arms. 

“Most of this will have passed in the morning.” Pike tried to calm her. Michael wondered for a moment why he was shaking, before she realised that it was her and not him that was moving.

“It is okay, Michael, you need to go back to sleep,” Pike said calmly. No, no, she really didn’t need that. She needed to wake up.

Pike held her arms and pushed her back in the bed, holding his arms around her in a warm embrace. For moments she relaxed in his warm embrace, before sleep assailed her and dragged her down again.

Michael was standing in the stern of the barge of the dead. The dark black waters hit the sides of the ship. Pained voices and smell of waste and the dead filled her. Being more real than anything that was not present in the dreamworld. 

“Gre’thor” Ash Tyler, or was it Voq?, said. She could not tell. He looked the same in either form in this dream. “Is that where you are going?” Michael asked weakly.

“No,” He was so close to her that he could touch her. “That is where you are going. That is where you go when you have no honour.”

“I have honour.” Michael tried to defend herself. At that Voq laughed.

“How can someone who betray their Captain have any honour?” He asked rhetorically, 

He didn’t need to specify which captain; she had betrayed all of them.

“You have no honour.” Ash Tyler said, his face now changing to that of Voq. She wanted to punch him, but he dissolved in a black cloud whose laugher echoed away over the endless muddy waters.


	5. Sharp, like a Double-Edged Sword (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos :-)

Michael was sleeping when Pike’s alarm went off at 0530 hours. Except from that one episode, she had slept the whole night. The alarm didn’t wake her up either. But she was sleeping uneasily; and she twisted and turned from side to side.

Pike, opposed to Michael, had to admit that he had not slept much. He had been woken multiple times by Michael talking, screaming, and moving around in her sleep.

Not to mention, having the half-dressed woman sleeping this close to him.

If this kept on, he would need earplugs, and an eye mask.

Michael had changed from talking in standard and Vulcan with the occasional Klingon mixed into it.

He didn’t know when she had learnt to speak Klingon, but maybe she could operate the replicator in the captain’s ready room. Pike looked worried in her direction again, it might take some time before she could return to work.

Pain was engraved in her face. For a worried second he considered getting her to sickbay, then decided against it. 

From what he had read on Kiozaprine Theotinoin, it might be fast out of her system, but the implications of her taking it was more worrying.

The compound was an effective REM sleep replacement. But using it too long could result in permanent brain damage.

From what he had read, the withdrawal symptoms were extreme REM sleep activity and mood swings. And Michael was definitely displaying withdrawal symptoms, which indicated that she might have taken it for some time.

The withdrawal was the least part, he was more worried for the reason she had tuned to sleep replacements. At some point she might tell him.

He hoped so.

———\/———

When Pike exited the refresher in a clean uniform, Michael was awake. She was sitting on the edge of her bed in her black underwear. She had an expression of equal amount of shame and pain. She was holding the edges of the bed.

“Good-morning, Commander.” Pike said cheerfully. She didn’t look up. “Would you like some breakfast?” He asked pleasantly. Michael responded with an angry huff.

“Right.” He said and rolled his eyes. Okay, she was definitely not too pleased with him at this moment. He had anticipated that.

He made a full breakfast for himself and a ration bar and coffee for her.

“That smells horrible.” Michael commented sourly and stared at his hot breakfast as she sunk down on the chair next to him. She was currently looking at his bacon as if he had murdered the pig himself.

“Lighten up,” Pike said cheerfully, “I am not making you eat it.” She took a sip of the coffee in front of her. 

“I think maybe I can work something out with you getting your own room.” She finally said, clearly having put some thought into it.

“Oh, no, no, no,” He laughed. “Unless you have any offspring hidden somewhere, you’re pretty much stuck with me, Commander.”

Michael looked like she was considering her options.

———\/———

Michael was also sleeping when Pike returned in the late afternoon. She was shaking and sleeping as fidgety as she had done previously.

He did find it intimate to see her this vulnerable, he sat down on his bed with his PADD not wanting to disturb her.

Pike had almost finished the repair schedule logs when she shot up suddenly, with her eyes focused on something clearly not there.

“Michael?” He asked, and putt his PADD on the table. She looked in a fevered frenzy, her eyes turned to him, “Captain Pike?” She asked shocked. “Why are you here?” She got up and walked towards him. Pike moved a hand to her elbow and followed her back to her bed.

“Are you dead too?” She asked weakly.

He shook his head; she was delirious again.

When safely placed on the bed again, Pike got her a glass of water; her breathing was fast and laboured. She accepting the glass with shaking hands.

“Do you need to go to sickbay?” He asked calmly. She didn’t meet his eyes but shook her head.

———\/———

“So, how does it work?” Fleet Captain Pike asked, as he sat down at the senior staff morning meeting. He had himself had called for it, as it appeared that they had skipped those at some point in the past ten years.

“Is it like those signals you did as the red angel or…?” Pike asked Michael, she had been nursing her cup of coffee for some time.

Michael had indicated that she wanted to return to work. Pike thought it was too early, but if that kept her going, who was he to judge?

“I wish,” Reno commented dryly. “Unfortunately, not anything as dramatic.” Lieutenant Bryce shot an annoyed look at Reno.

“We have a temporal subspace channel for that, we usually just get temporal and spacial coordinates. Then we have to jump there and clean up after the big guys. They monitor the possible timelines, when it is clear, we get an `acknowledge´ back.”

“Big guys?” Pike asked.

“Yeah, the time ships from the 28th and 31st centuries that uphold the temporal accord.” Bryce continued. 

“Right.” Pike looked sceptical.

“They monitor different patterns in alternative realities, if debris left from time traveling missions creates any change to the temporal structure, they call us to clean it up.” Tilly explained.

“Well, summed up, we are a basically a temporal clean-up team. Usually all the fun parts have already happened when we show up, we just kindda make sure that there is not too much debris going around from different time periods.” Tilly continued.

“No-one really notices us, because… we don't look like a high-end temporal ship from far in the future.”

“We look like someone who picks up garbage.” Reno commented again. Pike choose to ignore that.

“So, I need it one more time, how do we time-travel again?” Pike asked, last time it had definitely been a bother with the time crystal and the red angel suit, and the power and all that.

“Turns out the path of spores going across the universe also include a temporal dimension,” Stamets added.

“That simple.” Pike said sarcastically. 

Pike took a worried look at Michael who was still looking into her cup.

“Commander Burnham, do you have any input?” He asked, she shook her head. He felt sorry for her, she really looked unwell. Something that was at least partly his fault.

Pike had to admit that he was confused about Michael Burnham. With a new chief science officer, there was no reason why she didn’t keep on being the Captain. For a moment he wondered whether she had saved him for other reasons, but that was probably only wishful thinking on his part.

He had through about her often since he served on the Discovery last. In lone evenings he had wondered whether she was happy, whether she missed him too. But of course, she had saved him because she needed a new captain, it would be stupid of him to think there could be any other motivation.

And now she was probably considering how she could get rid of him again.

All departments, though lacking in discipline, where functioning under the circumstances. 

He decided to let her be for the moment.

“Okay. So, where do we jump to next?” Pike asked and turned towards the Bryce, him being in charge of communications. “We’ll receive a message just before the scheduled jump.”

“So basically, we have no idea what the mission is beforehand?” Pike asked concerned.

“Normally, we just need a good bucket and shovel.” Reno commented again dryly. As exciting as that sounded, that was currently not Pike primarily concern.

“I am looking forward to it. Thank you.” The senior officers got up.

“A moment, Commander.” Pike said and took a long look at Michael. She stopped, and gave him a tired look, he leaned back in his chair.

“Explain yourself!” He demanded. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about, sir?” Michael said; Pike gave her a stare; she absolutely knew what he was talking about. Her eyes sparkled in rebellion.

“Honestly, you said I should be up front with you, sir.” She shot at him. “You had no right to decide on what I do and do not do in my spare time.” Michael continued. 

Okay, so it was that.

“Then, why did you bring me back?” Pike asked accusingly. This attitude would have to stop if they were going to function as a command team.

Not that he wasn’t happy that he wasn’t currently being visited by a useless star base commodore, with no stop button.

“You have obviously no need for me. You could easily have managed this ship without me, you have done so for the past five years.” He said instead. She pressed her lips together. 

She didn’t respond to that.

“I do not need to justify anything to you,” Michael mumbled and held her arms crossed. “How do you even begin to understand what has happened since you saw us last?”

He couldn’t, but he wanted to.

Pike sighed. “Fine, I cannot, but when I am in command, I will not tolerate that behaviour from my first officer. High as a kite or not.” The last was shooting low, he knew.

More than anything, he wished that things did not have to be like this between them.

When Michael didn’t respond to that last bit there was not anything he could do at this moment. She definitely didn’t look like she was going to do anything he was saying.

“Dismissed, Commander.” He said, she left and the door flushed closed behind her.

Right.

Pike had felt that they had been making progress. And he found it increasingly difficult to for him to keep him mind off her. She was constantly in the back of his mind as a constant presence.

It was another obstacle for them to be an efficient command team that he had so strong personal feelings towards her. But at least her behaviour would suggest that she definitely didn’t return his feelings.

Was he making it worse by sharing a room with her? Definitely.

———-\/———

Pike didn’t see Michael after she had left in the middle of beta shift, and she was not in their quarters when he returned, and she was not there when he woke up in the morning.

He suppressed the urge to instigate a ship wide search; he did, however, make sickbay ensure that all medical products on all replicators were run through them. Hopefully, that would be enough.

Maybe, Michael had a boyfriend somewhere, as he had initially suspected. It would be the best for her, even though that the prospect made him feel uncomfortable.

And hopefully that boyfriend wasn’t the one beating her up. Pike felt a lump in his throat, he was seconds from calling security for that search, before he stopped. 

No, she was off duty, and while he objected to her taking stimulants to keep awake and possible getting brain damage, she still needed a personal life.

He convinced himself that it was for the best.

———\/———

Pike walked into the bridge, the rest of the officers there were at least dressed in uniforms and currently not eating anything on the bridge.

Detmer and a younger Ensign was on the bridge, so was Commander Nhan.

Michael entered the bridge, minutes after him. She looked well rested, as he turned towards her, questioning, she gave him a stare and said in a slightly unfriendly voice.

“Good morning, Captain.” With an unwelcoming smile and walked to the science station.

“G’morning, Commander,” Pike leaned back again to face the view-screen, hopefully he had sounded less hostile than her.

“So, report, Commander?” Pike asked, looking at Nhan, who was at the tactical station. He sat down on the command chair, and looked expectantly at Michael.

“Nothing to report. Jump still on schedule, Captain.” Nhan reported. It was said while staring at Michael, but it didn’t warrant any reaction from her.

“Perfect.” Pike said, getting comfortable in the chair. Being happier about all of this than he should.

———\/———

The destination of the time jump was to the second moon of Damarth III in Ferengi alliance space. Captain Pike had not encountered the Ferengies before, but from the look of the rest of the crew, they had.

“…will steal anything.” Nhan mumbled, as the black alert sirens stopped, Pike hadn’t heard the first part. But that had probably been about the Ferengies.

“Enter orbit around the moon, scan for vessels.” Pike said. “Nothing on long range scanners, sir,” Detmer said.

“Commander, readings on the moon?” Pike asked Michael, who had not said a single word the whole morning.

She cleared her throat. “It appears to have an atmosphere, but our scans are blocked out by some sort of metallic compound in the air.”

“So, what are we looking for?” Pike asked. “Anything with tachyon radiation, but I can’t get any readings from the surface. We might need to search the coordinates manually.”

“Is it possible to beam to the moon’s surface?” Pike asked worried, looking at Reno at the engineering station.

“Yes, but it might not be possible to get a lock to get back up.”

Right.

“There appear to be areas where the metallic compound is less dense,” Michael projected the image of the moon to the view screen, circling several large areas.

“Are any of those anywhere near the coordinates?”

“That one on the Northern hemisphere,” Michael encircled the area again. “That is 7.2 kilometres from the coordinates.” Okay, if the atmosphere was toxic, that was going to be a long walk.

Pike sighed, “Recommendations?” He still looked at Michael, who was not responding.

“Ehm, three-person away team in environment suits and oxygen.” Nhan gave Michael a concerned look, having clearly expected this to come from her.

“Very good, Commander.” Pike said to Nhan, “Commander Nhan, pick a science officer, lieutenant Commander or less, and meet me in the transport room.”

Michael was currently the only science officer not fitting that description.

Pike got up. “Burnham, you have the bridge.” He faced Michael again, who was currently not moving towards the command chair.

“Sir, I think, I would be better suited to go on this mission than…”

“Burnham, I do not believe I asked your opinion on the composition of the away team.” She looked increasingly cross.

Michael followed after him into the turbo lift.

The door shot closed. “Captain, you are making a mistake.” Michael argued. This was getting annoying, and he was not having this conversation with her here and now.

“Listen, Commander.” Pike said, annoyed. “Maybe you have forgotten how it is to have a commanding officer, but I am not bringing you anywhere near that away mission.”

“Bridge.” He said to the turbo lift. The door opened on the bridge again, and he waited for her to exit. She did not look back.

———\/———

Nhan and a science Lieutenant was already in their environmental suits, waiting on the transporter PADD.

“Commander, Mr. Kim,” Pike greeted, Nhan looked surprise that he was alone, maybe she had expected Michael to be persuasive enough to come along anyway.

———\/———-

The moon’s surface was shrouded in a thick black fog, probably the metallic particles polluting the air. The hostile rocky environment was almost not visible in the darkness.

“So, what are we looking for again?” Pike asked, as they made their way over the grey rocks, that was either composed of the same metallic compound that was in the air or having been coloured by it.

“We’ll know when we see it. We always get these warnings in Ferengi space, those guys can turn any small scrap metal from the future into a cosmic temporal paradox, if you knew how many alternate timelines where the grand Nagus rules the entire galaxy existed …” Commander Nhan explained.

“And all of them where women are naked.” Lieutenant Kim added helpfully, Commander Nhan shot him a dirty look.

“Ri-ight.” Pike gave Lieutenant Kim a worried glance.

Lieutenant Kim pointed the flashlight on his environmental suit towards the ground to better see where he was going. He was moving in the front, Nhan in the back. Both being more nervous than Pike liked.

It was difficult to see more than a couple of meters ahead, the light from the flashlights being reflected by the metal dust in the air. The bare rock surface below them, changing every so often, making the walk difficult and stenos.

The return could prove even more difficult, so far the weather was calm. But the geographical scan of the moon had shown that several areas were engulfed in storms and bad weather, in an unpredictable pattern. Pike hoped that they wouldn’t see anything off that.

For a moment, Pike thought that he saw something move behind the next black rock-formation.

“I think I saw something,” He said to lieutenant Kim. “Right there,” He pointed forwards into the fog.

“There is nothing on the scanner. This moon should not have any native wildlife.” The young lieutenant said, but clearly worried stopped for a moment to better tune his scanner.

The metallic compound engulfed in the rocks are blocking out all readings. I am not seeing anything.” Pike looked around worried, was that a different movement?

“I saw it too,” Nhan said and took out her phasor.

For now, Pike didn’t want to seem hostile kept his in his belt.

The walk across the spiky black rocks, was not easy. Sometimes they had to support themselves to the sides of the rocks to not fall. When they came to the other side of the formation, there was not anything.

“Can you get a scan now?” Pike asked.

Mr. Kim shock his head “Still nothing, Captain.”

Pike hoped that whatever was out there had as much impaired vision as they had in the dense black fog.

———\/———

It took them nearly four hours to reach the destination, and even if the environmental suits were designed for prolonged use, they were feeling sticky and uncomfortable. With breathing restricted by the oxygen masks and the vizier covering most of the face it also provided a limited view.

The vizier was also beginning to be covered in a faint grey layer of dust, Pike kept wiping it off.

“Somewhere around here, an artefact, maybe?” Nhan mumbled, also scanning with her handheld scanner.

“That is not an artefact,” Pike said; he had located the problem.

It was a human, a very dead human, in fact. Or at least a dead humanoid. It was difficult to say. The body looked fresh from the back, but was covered in the same metallic dust, a dead hand clutching an unidentifiable item. The remains were face down, her hair in a wild tangle, greyed by the dust.

It looked like a blond woman. She was wearing a dress that might once have been green, it too was covered in the dark grey dust.

Lieutenant Kim, rolled her around. From the front it was clear that she had been dead for some time. Her face being shrunken and partly mummified.

Nhan continued to scan the woman, followed by her prying the woman’s hand open. Effectively breaking two fingers. Pulling out what looked like a piece of paper and what looked like a black cube. Both covered in dust.

“It appears that her lung tissue contains a large amount of the metallic compound from the atmosphere. That is most likely the course of death,” Lieutenant Kim said, still kneeling next to her.

Pike nodded, most likely she had been running from something, but it was not clear what.

“We cannot bring her back.” Pike sighed, not really knowing what to do with the corpse. 

Nhan was examining the small artefact.

“Sir, it must be this one.” “What is it?” Pike asked. “It appear to be a map, sir. Of something called McKinley Rocket Base. The text is in English.”

“And the cube?”

But no-one had time to answer, in the corner of his eyes, a movement again. Pike pointed the phasor into the fog. But as nothing was visible.

He nodded to Nhan, indicating to her to move in the direction of the movement. She handed Pike the black cube, drew her phasor as well and moved out. The low sound of the metal particles rustling made it difficult to hear anything.

A storm was brewing, and they would also have to get back soon, else it picked up. There was a movement again, a shadow in the fog on their left. Lieutenant Kim shot his phasor in that direction, it was unclear if he had hit anything. The red beam just dispersing in the dark particles.

Nhan was already almost out of sight. Pike followed her, indicating to Kim that he should too. 

For a moment, Pike thought that he had seen something to his right again, but his flashlight only reflected back the heavy fog.

The wind was increasing, he turned on the comm to Nhan, hopefully, she would have heard his.

“Move in the direction of the rendezvous point. For a moment he thought that she was gone in the fog, before he picked up her red environmental suit in front of, him.

“Commander,” He yelled over their comm link. “Can you copy?” 

For a moment the tingle and noise of the metal particles in the wind was the only thing he picked up, before a:

“I copy, Captain.” He finally caught up with her, “We are heading back, as fast as we can,” She indicated a thumbs up, she clearly hadn’t found the thing moving around down here.

Pike turned around to see if, hoping to see lieutenant Kim behind him. For a moment he thought that he saw him.

“Where is Kim?” Nhan shouted in an effect to outshout the wind. 

Pike ran back, towards where he had been certain that the young Lieutenant had been last.

The blue suit being only vaguely visible in the fog.

A creature of some sort was standing above him .For a moment Pike wondered what the creature was doing, before Pike realised that he was searching Kim’s pockets.

“A Ferengi.” Nhan explained, as they both rushed in that direction. The creature, Pike realised had its own environmental suit on, A humanoid form, shorter than an average human, dressed in a grey suit. The Ferengi hissed at them as Pike short towards it with his phasor on stun.

The alien fell backwards stumbling, hissing, the suit and the metallic particles in the air had absorbed most of the blast.

Lieutenant Kim was unconscious on his back. It would not appear that anything of his equipment was missing, his suit flashlight however had been torn off, Pike picked it up and connected it to his belt.

Lieutenant Kim was waking up, as Pike kneeled next to him, Nhan was keeping a lookout as Pike holstered the young man up to an upright position.

“Do you think you can walk?” Pike asked concerned as he pulled at the man’s arm, Kim nodded vaguely. The young man did not have any visible injuries. Probably a stun weapon of some sort, then.

“Come on,” Pike said, and dragged Kim along, they would have to get moving to the pick-up place.

The road back was a difficult one. The howling wind and the metal in the air was sandblasting its way through their suits. The path they had followed was almost invisible in the dense storm.

Kim was tripping and in the end Pike had to support the young man to even move forward.

Nhan was leading now, her red suit almost covered in grey dust, and the face almost not visible in the sandblasted vizier.

As they neared the pick-up sight, the storm cleared somewhat, or maybe it just felt like that, as less metallic particles were in the air, threatening to sandblast them and their equipment.

Pike tried hailing Discovery, but no response was returned, only static.

“Captain Pike to the Discovery, please respond,” He said. Still nothing. Maybe his comms was down. He switched the communication to Nhan.

“Commander, can you try calling the Discovery? I don’t know if my long-range transmitter is broken.” She nodded.

He could vaguely make out that she too was calling. Clearly, she was not getting anything as well. Pike had placed lieutenant Kim on the ground, but the extortion and his previous run in with the Ferengi had worn him out, He kept rolling back as if he was almost losing consciousness. 

“Damn it.” Either the metallic compound in the air had changed such that they could not hear anything, or else Michael would have taken her out of orbit.

“They are not responding, sir.” Nhan said. “We need to seek cover from the storm.” Pike decided, looking at the sandblasted scanner.

“Over there, there is a rock formation in the direction of the wind, we should be able to cover behind that one.” Pike yelled.

He half dragged Kim with him, closely followed by Commander Nhan.


	6. Sharp, like a Double-Edged Sword (part III)

“Commander, the Ferengies are firing again.” They had had to move out of orbit, Michael was anxious that they had still not heard from the away-team, and by moving further away, they would also be moving further away from the Captain and the away team.

As communications were impossible, there was no way at contacting them to say that Discovery was no longer in orbit. 

“Evasive pattern beta.” Michael commanded. The phasors of the enemy ship nearly missed the bow. 

“Fire forward phasors. Half power only.” Michael ordered.

“Captain, ehm, I mean Commander, the control of the phasors is stuck.” Damn it.

“I thought that engineering had fixed that.” She looked at the engineering station. “It was, I don’t know …. “ The Ensign was pushing the panel frantically.

“Firepower would be nice around now.” Michael said, the Ferengi ship was firing up again.

“Evasive pattern again.” She ordered, as the enemy phasors hit them on the stern.

“Shields are holding, 80%” Okay, they really needed to do something. It if had not been for the away team they could have moved away. But the away team had already been away for almost eight hours. The last geometric scan they had made from the planet surface had showed increased storm activities at the pick-up location.

“Ehm.. I think maybe it is the bridge that have been disconnected.” The Ensign at the engineering station said.

That was new.

“Maybe phasor control can be restored from the auxiliary control room.” The Ensign continued.

Michael hit the intercom. “Auxiliary control room?” There was only static in the other end.

“What is status of the that deck.” She asked Bryce. “Ehm, I don’t know, there is no report from that deck.”

He held a break. “Sorry, they are reporting a fire in the plasma conduits.” That deck had in no way been hit.

“How did that happen?” Michael asked. Bryce shrugged. Okay, overloaded under stress again. They would need to schedule maintenance of the fuses for the plasma flow of all decks, when this was finished. 

“Evacuate all non-essential personal from the whole deck.” Michael yelled. Right, she would have to get to that room.

“I am going down there, Detmer, you have the bridge.” Michael got up, as the Ferengi phasors hit them again.

The urgency of the situation felt overwhelming. Why had she not protested more that Captain Pike was down on that plant, and they couldn’t beam him up. They needed to regain firepower.

Michael was ashamed how she had left it well with Captain Pike, she had been so angry when he had reprogrammed her replicator, but now what would she do if she lost him again.

———\/———

As soon as the turbo lift doors opened, Michael could smell the sharp smell of plasma fuel burning. Purple smoke was engulfing the deck, she coughed, holding a sleeve in front of her mouth as she ran through the deck.

Michael knew that she needed to get to that room. Two operations chiefs were trying to put out the fire.

The fire looked like it was spreading in the circuits behind the panels. They definitely needed to check those fuses. That fire might also be responsible for the phasor control being lost.

Michael pushed past the operations chiefs; the smoke was getting denser. Hanson, an engineer, was dragging Becker after her, she looked like she was in a bad shape.

Michael coughed, the purple smoke burned in her eyes, making them water. The ship was shaking again, they had probably been hit once again.

———\/———

A fire was raging in the auxiliary control room, the room being completely covered in the purple smoke, Michael realised that she should have brought oxygen, as the green purple flames spread in the panel behind her.

She tore off the fire extinguisher from the wall and gave the fire a good shot before moving to the control itself.

The fire dimmed as the white cloud engulfed it, she moved back to the control, Lieutenant Martin was unconscious over the Panel, she moved him backwards, checking his pulse. He was still alive, for now. He had a bad burn over his face, it having a red and blackened surface where flames had hit his face.

“This is Burnham,” She called the bridge. “I am at the auxiliary control room, as far as I can see I have full phasor control from here.” She pressed a few buttons, to confirm lock on the Ferengi ship. A small screen showed the same as the view screen on the bridge.

“I am firing now,” She said to the bridge, and fired both phasor banks hit the enemy ship, half power.

She didn’t want to actually damage it. And the Discovery was the Ferengi ship superior, if their phasors were actually working.  
“Their shields are down.” She could hear Detmer relieved in the background. “The ship is redrawing.” Okay, she could see the other ship on the small screen ´taking off.

Michael breathed out a breath she did not know she had been holding.

“Okay, let’s pick up the away team.” Michael said, when realising that the plasma fire had increased behind her.

Damn it.

She pulled at Lieutenant Martin, moving him as fast as she could to his feet. His deadweight was almost twice her weight, and there would be no other way to move him.

The flames engulfing them, she pushed the lieutenant out of the door, the heat from the hallway met her. Firefighters in full suits were working on the deck, fighting against the flames and smoke. They had oxygen and she did not.

“Move out, move out,” The nearest yelled at her.

“The panel is going to explode,” And then a blast pushing into her from behind, excruciating pain, somewhere very far away she knew that that was the feeling she should feel. 

But somewhere else in her consciousness astonishment overtook her as she rolled to her side, as crew-members in full suits were running past her to fight the fire.

One stopped to remove the metal that had landed on top of her foot. Michael checked on Lieutenant Martin, he was still breathing, barely, his breath was shallow and strained.

The purple smoke was being replaced by the white fog of the fire extinguishers. 

Despite the weight being removed from her foot, Michael still couldn’t move. It was as if a weight had been placed on her chest, 

The extreme burning pain from her upper back now coming clear through to her adrenaline infused mind. 

Medics, also in full suits, were finally pulling at her. “Martin first,” she gasped.

Before everything went black, she thought she hears someone say. “I am sorry, Lieutenant Martin is dead.”

———\/———

The rustling sound of the sickbay, flickering lights and moving figures around her. Michael was placed in a strange position on her stomach. 

Michael grunted at the light. “Lay still,” She could hear doctor Pollard say from behind her. Before she realised that the dull pull she felt in her back was doctor Pollard removing shrapnel from her bare back.

The pain was mostly dull ache. As they could not have closed the wounds yet, Pollard most have given her a painkiller.

“Almost done, Commander.” Michael breathed out, “I need to get to the bridge.” She gasped. She needed to make sure that the away team was saved. Oxygen would be running out, if they had not succumbed to the metallic atmosphere and the incoming storm.

“Not right now, you are not.” Pollard said, finishing with placing a dermal plaster over the wound. “Okay, all done,” Michael coughed and struggled to sit up.

Doctor Pollard helped her up, handing her a black sleeveless undershirt.

The sickbay was semi busy, and doctor Culber was treating an Ensign and two engineering chiefs were getting oxygen in the furthest end of sickbay, probably due to smoke inhalation.

A moment went by were Michael had to realise that the appearance of Lieutenant Kim on a bio bed that the away team had been beamed up. She pulled the black undershirt over the dermal plasters. 

Her heart began beating, she worried where Captain Pike was. The lieutenant was looking unwell, half unconscious partly undressed and clearly having been washed off in a decontamination shower to remove metallic dust.

Michael slid around to sit on the edge of the biobed. For a moment she considered leaving, before she realised that her foot was also injured. And she might need that seen to as well.

In waves the events of the day filled her. The regret and the worry that had filled her that day and had culminated in the fire. The worry for the Captain, combined with the divide between them. She had almost just gotten him back. And she had waisted that time, she realised.

She had a desperate hope that Captain Pike was all right. The fear that the reason why he was not in sickbay was that he had perished. Pollard looked worried at her.

She didn’t realise for a moment that it was indeed Captain Pike that was standing in the entrance to sickbay. He stood there as if transfixed by her. Apparently, Pike had had time to change out of the environmental suit.

Michael wondered if Pike had been at the bridge and had been called down to sickbay for some errand. For a moment, Michael thought that he would move in her direction, when Tilly pushed past him, hurrying along towards Michael.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Tilly asked, out of breath. She did, however, not wait for a reply, Michael stared at Tilly in surprise. It appeared that Tilly had been crying, which to Michael seemed as an excessive reaction.

“They said you were going to die.” Tilly continued and gave Michael a bit too tight a hug. Her left hand squeezed the partly open wounds on Michael’s back.

“Auch, Tilly, that hurt.” Michael said in pain. “Oh, I am so sorry. I was just so worried, you were… Oh my God what happened. Is she okay ?” Tilly asked doctor Pollard, who shot her a forgiving look.

“She will be.” Pollard said and indicated that she was leaving them to chat.

Michael looked toward the entrance where Captain Pike was standing uncharacteristically passively. Michael’s eyes locked with the Captain’s for a moment, before he turned around and disappeared out of the door.

Tilly flung herself around Michael again. “Oh, my God, I am so happy. They said you had been spiked by a flying panel and …”

“Tilly, you are squeezing me again.” Michael said more amused than she should be under the circumstances, for a moment considering going after Pike, before abandoning the idea.

———\/———

Captain Pike had found her alcoholic beverages, Michael realised, when she returned to their quarters late in the evening. The synthehol from the replicators was horrible, Michael had to admit so it was fair enough that he had gone for the real stuff.

Michael had finally having been cleared by doctor Pollard. The pain from the burn and shrapnel wound on her back was still present, though and she was also in her underwear. 

They had cut up her uniform and boots to get to the injuries on her back and foot. One of the nurses had lent her a handheld sonic cleaner to get most of the plasma smoke out of her hair.

Captain Pike was currently sitting on the floor leaning on the side of his bed. He had a glass in his hand. He was looking very tired.

“I see you found the brandy.” Michael commented dryly. Pike looked up in surprise, taking in her appearance, and her bare feet.

Michael moved to get a glass herself, and slid down probably inappropriately close to him.

Pike sighed and poured her a generous amount. “Linus gave that to me once.” She said. He just nodded.

“I guess, I owe you a new bottle then.” Pike said, drinking a big gulp off his own glass. Michael drank a sip too.

“Don’t bother, I really do not like Saurian beverages.” As if to illustrate a point she involuntarily coughed when the strong liquor hit her throat.

Michael imitated the Captain’s posture and leaned back towards his bed.

“The whole auxiliary deck needs to be safety checked.” Michael commented more to herself than to him. As XO that would fall under her jurisdiction.

“That is already underway, Commander, they are also changing all fuses on the plasma conduits.” He said, sipping more of the brandy. Michael leaned away from him worried.

Was this another statement of lack of confidence in her? It most likely was. It had again been her that had failed. She should have done that already. Then that fire could have been prevented, and lieutenant Martin would not have died.

Pike most likely blamed her, she had been in charge of the ship up until now. Had he already given the job as XO to Commander Nhan, she wondered? Was that why he hadn’t gone to bed, was he waited for her, so he could tell her?

“Did you set up a memorial for Lieutenant Martin?” Michael asked, her throat going dry. She sipped from the brandy again, this time she couldn’t control her cough.

Michael could feel tears forming in her eyes, unable to regain control of her emotions. Maybe it would be better if she was not in charge of anything. People would just die, and it was her fault.

“Yes, I did.” Pike said, he moved his arms around her. Her cry came in pained hiccups as she tried to stop. Burying her face in the softness of his uniform jacket.

She could feel him removing the glass gently from her hand, most likely to avoid her spilling the sticky liquor all over them.

He was making round circular motions on her lower back, where her skin was uninjured.

They sat there for a moment, it felt good to be this near him. She looked up in Pike’s face, to ensure that he was really there. He was really real. Michael ached to feel him, to have him closer.

Michael moved up and slowly kissed him on the mouth, it was very chaste almost a friendly kiss. His eyes widened in surprise. 

Pike didn’t kiss back for a moment, clearly having been taken by surprise. For a moment, Michael was certain that she had overstepped a boundary, and that he would push her away.

Ten years previously, she would not have been so bold, and ten years before she was certain that he would not have kissed back. But he moved his right hand to cub her face, as he slowly kissed her back. 

Pike put his own glass of brandy glass down next to them and Michael felt his hands around her waist as she moved to sit over cross on his lap.

Pike held a small break.

“You are cold.” And helped her to move to his bed. Unzipping his own uniform. And slipped after her under the duvet.

He kissed her slowly, moving his hands around her hips, and allowed her to roll on top of him, as her back was still tender, he careful pealed her undershirt over her head.

It was slow and lovingly, and it felt strangely unreal that she was this near him. She kissed him again, and touched his cheek. A smile spread across his face, his dimples becoming visible.

Pike moved both palms to the side of her face, looking at her. As if he couldn’t believe that she was really there.

She felt better than she had done in years.


	7. The Cold Sea (part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kudos and kind comments :-)

_“At night when the others slept, she went out on the wide marble staircase. It cooled her burning feet to stand in the cold sea, and then she thought of those she had left down there in the deep.”_  
Hans-Christian Andersen, the little mermaid

Michael woke in a warm and comfortable haze, her face rested on Pike’s bare chest. His left arm was wrapped around her. In the dimmed lighting, she could only just make out his contour.

The Captain looked very content when sleeping, he was snoring lightly with half parted lips. She felt an urge to lightly touch them. Feeling the warmth of his presence. In his sleep, his hand caressing her side.

Michael felt comfortable, pleased even, for a moment, before realising that she wasn’t dreaming.

It was real. She was half on top of Captain Pike, naked. In his bed.

The memories from last night was returning and her body tensed as she to her horror realised what had happened.

This was a mistake.

Michael pried herself out of his arms. Pike made an unhappy grunt as she slipped out, but did fortunately not wake up. Michael carefully placed the duvet back over him again. Pike rolled to his side with an annoyed sound and continued sleeping.

The away mission to Damarth III yesterday had been stenos. If he had been an officer under her command, she would have changed his shift for the day. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He wasn’t an officer under her command.

He was in charge and she would overstep her authority if she changed his shift. He had been very animate about her not following the command structure.

Michael was still worried that Pike was going to remove her as first officer. They had lost a crew member, and for what? Not because of the battle, but because the fuses on the plasma conduits on the auxiliary deck was badly maintained. 

Michael could feel tears threatening to make themselves known in her eyes. She had known Lt. Martin pretty well, but even if she hadn’t, he was a part of her crew, a crew that had followed her for the past ten years.

The dimly lit room was becoming too small for her, she couldn’t stay. She needed to leave.

Michael roamed around a moment in the hope of finding her underwear from the night before. But in the 5% light setting, it was impossible for her to see where it had ended up. Fortunately, she still had her sleep suit on her bed, and quickly put it on before finally fleeing the room.

———\/———

When Michael was outside, and the door closed, she breathed out relieved.

The imprint of Pike’s soft skin and his warm breath against her neck, was still lingering on her. She definitely needed a bath, possible a cold one. A very cold one.

Her hands felt clammy and a sense of claustrophobia washed over her. She could not face the consequences of last night right now.

Why had she been thinking? That kissing him and sleeping in his bed had been a good idea? If they had not been completely battered out, she was certain they would have had moved it further. Small mercies that they hadn’t.

She wouldn’t allow her mind go there.

Captain Pike had clearly not been in his right mind, Michael reasoned. And she worried how he would feel in the daylight. She couldn’t make herself wait for him to wake and to face the rejection.

But the rejection would come, maybe not now, but hopefully when she was feeling more in balance.

They had not seen each other in almost ten years, and there was no reason why he would have any similar feelings for her. And that they still would be present after the long timespan they had been separated.

And even back then he had never before shown any specific interest in her. Often, Michael had let her mind wander to him, he had been safe, an excuse for not pursuing any other relationship in the past years. But now Captain Pike was here, really here, and in her quarters.

She would have to face an eternity with him uncomfortable close. And now she had forced herself upon him, how she was going to fix this, she did not know.

Michael unclenched her hands, realising that she could not stand in the hall-way any longer. She looked at the ship’s clock. It was 4:30.

She decided to go to Tilly’s room. She had slept on Tilly’s couch a couple of times, and knowing Alex, she was almost certain that Tilly would be up at this time. She sent a text message to Tilly on the wall terminal. 

_“Are you awake? - Michael”_

Michael went in the turbo lift, already going for Tilly’s deck. She really didn’t need to see anyone; she gave an uncomfortable “Good morning” to an Ensign exiting the turbo lift as she entered, not meeting his eyes.

Michael checked the messages on the wall terminal. She breathed out relieved.

_“Yes.”_

Tilly had replied.

Michael chimed on Tilly’s door. It appeared to take some time for Tilly to answer it, which was strange since she had just replied to the message.

Michael was met with a very tired looking Tilly, her hair being in a messy large red halo around her head. She was wearing an old t-shirt and underpants. She did not look like she had been awake.

“I am so sorry, I thought you said that you were awake.” Michael said apologetic, readying herself to leave.

“I was, come on in.” She said and showed Michael into the room. “She has been up since 3 AM.” Tilly said and nodded towards Alex, who was currently watching a cartoon on Tilly’s PADD wearing earphones.

Michael would assume that it would be better for the child to be asleep at this time, but did not comment.

“Is something wrong?” Tilly went to make a cup of coffee for both of them. Michael looked from Tilly to the child, considering what to do.

“I’ll take Alex to the playground until alpha shift, if you let me use your sonic shower.” Tilly narrowed her eyes analysing her suspiciously. “Why are you not using your own shower?” 

Michael looked around awkwardly. Making Tilly come to a conclusion herself.

“You can’t keep coming here. If you are uncomfortable with sharing a room with a guy, you need to get over it, you can’t keep showing up here to sleep or use my shower.” Tilly said, “I am sure Captain Pike would never do anything inappropriate. Or even think it.”

Michael must have looked completely flushed. Making Tilly close her mouth, looking at Michael resigning. Some time passed, before Tilly vocalised the other conclusion.

She looked towards Alex as if to make sure that the child was not listening in.

“Oh, my God, did you have sex with him?” Tilly hissed, but did not wait for an answer “You did, didn’t you? Why on Earth would you do that ?” She asked accusingly.

Michael was trying to come up with an excuse for that, when Tilly continued:

“And if you did sleep with him, why are you here? Shouldn’t you be preparing him breakfast or something?”

Maybe she should, but wouldn’t that just make it worse? They had been tired and overworked the day before, he had probably gotten a bit too much to drink before she came back; that tended to block inhibiters in most humans.

“Tilly, stop, Captain Pike and I... we just… ” Michael trailed off, it sounded pathetic when said out loud. Tilly stopped and looked at her, now definitely not sleepy. Michael was already regretting going to Tilly’s room.

“We just kissed.” That was almost the truth. “You just kissed?” Tilly repeated and studied Michael for a moment, then rolled her eyes.

“Damn it, Michael.” Tilly said, and pulled Michael into a hug.

“Ehm, so can I use your shower or not?” Michael asked, she felt bad enough as it was, she did not need to be held accountable for this too. Tilly rolled her eyes. “If you take Alex until 7, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?”

“We have not finished with this conversation!” Tilly yelled after Michael as she disappeared to the refresher. 

“...and why are you still calling him Captain Pike?” Michael could hear Tilly continue as she closed the door behind her.

... because, there was no way she was allowing her mind to call Captain Pike by his first name.

In the time, he had been back, she realised that Pike had become her centre. She was constantly looking for his approval, but managed to constantly making him displeased. She could not allow herself to sink even deeper into this. She needed to distance herself from him.

It had surprised her that he had so willingly agreed for them to share a room. 

To begin with, Michael had been so annoyed with him that he had interfered with her use of stims. She was still somewhat unhappy with that. Now she just wanted to go back to him and pretend that she never left his bed.


	8. The Cold Sea (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for kudos and kind comments :-)

Pike awoke by the sound of the alarm. He slowly tried to get his head awake. Michael, he suddenly realised, she was not there. For a moment, Pike hoped that she might have moved to her own bed during the night.

“Lights 50%” he said, and found himself disappointed when Michael’s bed did not look slept in at all.

So, Michael was not the domestic kind, he had sort of guessed that. But this would be impractical that they were sharing quarters. He had really hoped that she wouldn’t just leave in the middle of the night. Was she really regretting having slept in his bed that much? 

Pike had not found it a habit to engage in intimate relationships with personnel under his command. It had in the past been a difficult code to uphold especially during long deep space missions. And the few relationships he had had in the past had not worked out long distance.

While he had always had an amiable relationship with all his ex-girlfriends, he did, however, not find that he had ever had a satisfying personal life. His career had always taken precedence.

He had broken his code now, and if he had to be honest, he was not really sure why. He could however say for absolute certainty that he did not expect Michael to want to have a normal relationship with him. Her being gone in the morning being a pretty big clue.

He had a definite feeling that she was not the kind of ex-girlfriend one could have an amiable relationship with. To be honest he didn’t want to have her as an ex-girlfriend.

Pike was disturbed in his tidying up of their room, when the red alert sounded. “All senior officers to the bridge.” A message sounded over the intercom. 

There would be time to worry about Michael later. Probably way too much time. He realised. 

———\/———

Pike was the second of the alpha shift crew to arrive on the bridge, Lieutenant Bryce was currently in the command chair. Most of the other crew members were gamma shift personnel in training.

“So, what do we got?” He asked. There should be no activity in this sector, hence the reason they were there to make repairs.

“It appears to be a small Orion freighter.” Bryce said, getting up for Pike. “Orions?” They were close to Orion space, but not in Orion space.

“They are sending out a distress call.” Bryce said.

“It is a federation code.” The Orions was not part of the federation, even though Orions did occasionally serve in Star Fleet.

“On screen.” It was an elderly humanoid male in a brown jacket.

“Are you the USS Discovery? Beam me over, my life-support is failing.” The man said urgently. Pike looked back towards Bryce to ascertain whether he had recognised the man. It didn’t look like he had.

Behind the man the cockpit was filled with smoking panels and it looked like the filtering systems had set out.

Pike was just about to give the go ahead for them to beam him over, when they were interrupted. 

“Someone is shooting at us, Captain.” Nhan reported.

Beaming up would have to wait. “Shields up.” Pike said. 

“It is also an Orion ship. A trader’s ship off some sort.”

This section of space was getting way too crowded. But it depended on the firepower of the other ship, how much in a hurry they would need to leave.

But of course, they shouldn’t destroy any unknown vessels Pike would prefer to run than inflict any damage.

“Do we have to run?” Pike asked and looked towards the tactical station; the gamma shift Ensign was frantically pressing buttons. “Ehm, maybe, I don’t …”

Nhan had entered and was allowing the Ensign to finish before she discretely pointed at the menu he needed to enter. The ensign was normally not stationed on the bridge. Nhan had become more patient.

“Ehm, we do not have to run, sir, we have superior firepower, and our shields can hold for about 30 minutes.”

Nhan took over the tactical station finally from the ensign and Tilly finally arrived and took over the science station. She whispered to the lieutenant on the engineering station “Have you seen Michael?” 

Pike had been wondering when Michael was going to turn up.

The Lieutenant looked like she didn’t want to be caught talking during class. She shook her head. The question was answered minutes later when Michael turned up on the bridge. She was out of breath and was not in uniform. 

She was wearing an old red Starfleet academy t-shirt, with the text: class of 2256. Pike was pretty certain that that was not her t-shirt. It was also against Star fleet regulation. But at this time, he guessed that he was the only one that had an opinion on that.

Michael took over from Tilly, who moved to the side of the station.

It was obvious that she had been in a hurry and Pike did not want to speculate on her emotional state.

“Transporter room can you get a lock on the humanoid in the freighter?” Pike asked into the inter-comm. “We have a lock Captain, as soon as shields are lowered we can beam him over.”

“Tactical, how do we need to fire to disable that trader ship, but not damage is significantly?” Pike asked. The trader ship fired at them again, this time hitting full force, the ship shook a little, as the inertial dampeners was disturbed.

“Calculating, sir, around 20% all phasor banks should do it.” Nhan said. “Okay, do it now.”

The trader’s ship was hit perfectly. “Their shields are down.” Michael said from the science station. 

The trader’s ship fired again. “Shields 89%, holding,” Nhan reported. “Can you hit their weapons systems?” “Affirmative.”

“Captain, the Orion freighter is losing hull integrity.” Michael reported urgently. “They keep hailing us.” Bryce reported.

As there wasn’t much time, they needed to take a chance. 

“Fire again, against weapons systems and then lower shields.” Pike said, standing up to get a better view of the battle on the view screen. The smaller ship was still adrift, and he had a troubling feeling that that rescue was rather important.

“Transporter room, beam him up, now.” Pike ordered the transporter room. 

The trader’s ship was shooting towards them again, indicating that their weapon systems had not been sufficiently damaged. “Shields up.” He yelled and desperately hoping that the transporter room had managed to beam up the survivor.

The phasors hit them full force, this time making the lights blink and throwing Burnham off balance. Pike looked worried in her direction, before he sat down again in the command chair. 

“Shields are up again, sir.” Nhan said. Pike breathed out relieved. Burnham was struggling for a moment to get to her console again, but appeared okay. “Are you injured, Burnham?” He asked. She shook her head. “I’m fine, Captain.”

Pike gave her a worried glance before pressing the intercom again “Transporter room, did you get him?” He asked. “We’ve got him.” As he watched the Orion freighter being torn apart, the hull integrity having finally collapsed. It disappeared in a cloud of dust and green explosions.

“Okay, let’s get out of here.” Pike estimated that the trader’s ship would not be able to pursue, better not use the spore drive in full sight. “Maximum warp, course 254-mark-220.”

The navigation station confirmed.

“Okay, let’s go talk to our visitor, Burnham, you are with me.” Michael nodded, and followed him into the turbo lift. A bit more hesitantly than he liked. Her face had an unreadable expression. As Pike studied her, she was obviously avoiding eye-contact with him.

“Michael,” He said softly as the door of the turbo lift closed. He didn’t want to come any closer, even if he wanted to. He was her superior officer, still, and he was so sorry that he had overstepped her bounds the night before, and he needed to tell her.

It was such a stupid time for him to slip, and to approach her like that. He was just about to gain her trust, to make some progress. As if them sharing quarters wasn’t difficult enough. Not he had ruined their professional relationship completely.

That she had been unhappy with him to begin with did not help. 

Michael breathed out heavily and stared into the floor in front of her.

He needed to say something, and he desperately wanted to know whose t-shirt she was wearing. But of course, that was none of his business. Even if it did sting if she had spent the rest of the night with a boyfriend somewhere else on the ship. 

Pike wondered whether how this imaginary boyfriend would feel if he knew that Michael had kissed him, and he had let her. 

She had slept in his bed, and that had definitely been a mistake.

He would attribute it to stress, relief over her not being dead and, he was loath to admit, the alcohol, but truth be told he actually really couldn’t justify it for himself.

“I am sorry about last night.” Pike finally said. He didn’t know what else to say, what other excuses he should give. His statement had caught her off guard, Michael looked up, he locked eyes with her for a moment, opening her mouth slightly, then closing it again.

She did not look happy.

“Why are you sorry?” Michael asked finally; she was angry. Would he really need to explain this in details? He really hoped not.

“I don’t do casual relationships.” Pike said instead, as if that explained everything. That did not appear to make her any happier.

“No, of course, you don’t.” Michael said sardonically. Avoiding eye contact again. He made an almost involuntarily move towards her, extending one hand almost touching her upper arm, before moving it back again.

Pike sighed, okay, they would need to handle this later. Why did everything have to be complicated with Burnham?

“Is this going to be a problem, Commander?” Pike said instead of touching her; she looked like this was definitely going to be a problem.

He had fucked this up, hadn’t he?

“No, sir.” Michael said, nothing in her tone indicated that this was not going to be a problem.

“Okay, Michael, we need to talk about this later.” Pike said more softly, he really should have said something else there. For now, they needed to do their duty.

“So, thoughts on the situation?” Pike asked. “That pilot knew where to find us, any ideas who he is?” Michael shock her head. She had been late, but complete file on their scans on the pilot and the freighter was processed at her station.

“Negative, captain, we do not have any data on this person.” She said, snapping back into business mode.

“The freighter was a mid 24th century Orion one-person long-distance freighter. The scan of the pilot was inconclusive.” Michael reported.

“Then I guess we’re are about to find out.” Pike said, and shot her a smile.

———\/———

“Welcome to the Discovery.” Pike welcomed the man on the transporter PADD. Two security officers pointed at him with phasors.

“And what type of welcome is this. I thought that this was a Federation star ship assisting a man in need.” The man had short greying dark hair, and a worn-down brown coat and worn out boots.

That the man had identified them as the Discovery was suspicious, and the person’s demeanour didn’t help on the impression.

“So, I believe you owe us an explanation.” Pike said, indicating the door. The man was definitely going to get debriefed.

“My apologise, sir. I am a merchant, Fleet Captain.” The man who appeared to be an elder human male made a bow. “I am Barry Waddle.”

“In a stolen ship?” Pike stated flatly. The merchant shook his head, “No, no, no. Sir. Bought and obtained legally.” For now, Pike was not all that convinced.

“I am most grateful for you saving my life,” The man stepped down from the platform, while Pike made a movement to make the security officers to stand down.

“Very well, Mr. Waddle. After you.” Pike indicated the door, and followed Barry Waddle out.

———\/———

“So why were you using a federation code, Mr. Waddle?” Pike asked, “I am a federation citizen.” He answered insulted. That may be, however, federation codes were normally only used by diplomats. 

“Again, let me express my gratitude, Fleet Captain. Those Orions were all most in honest, I am most lucky that you should have saved me.” He said.

Very lucky indeed.

Michael wasn’t buying it either. 

“Mr. Waddle, do you have any form of identification?” Michael asked. Barry Waddle looked insulted towards Michael, but answered pleasantly. “Of course, ehm, cadet?” “Commander.” Michael corrected. 

Pike shot Michael a worried look. Under normal circumstances she should be wearing a uniform. But under the circumstances on this strange ship, that might be the smallest problem.

“Of course, I am sorry Commander.” Barry Waddle corrected himself. “So, do you care to explain why that ship was shooting at you?” Pike asked annoyed.

“A misunderstanding, Fleet Captain.” Sure thing.

“And this is really the Discovery, I had many tell me that this ship was a myth.” He looked around as if the worn-down conference room was the most exotic location he had ever witnessed.

“So, it is true, the legends of a ship that travels through time.” He said in awe. 

“And a strange coincidence that you should find us, Mr. Waddle.” Burnham said with some scepticism. 

“Well, no that is not a coincidence, commander.” Barry Waddle leaned towards her, still calm. “I have paid for that information. And it did not come cheap. I have been looking for you for some time.” He looked towards Pike again.

“Our introduction would have come easier, if it was not for those uncivilised traders, who was going to rob me. The man looked surprisingly calm given the circumstances. 

Pike was just going to ask another question, when then they were interrupted by a disturbance to the inertial dampeners. Pike pressed his communicator to contact the bridge.

“Bridge, what is going on?” Pike asked “Sir, we have some troubles with the inertial dampeners.” Commander Nhan reported back.

“We have to drop out of warp,” The ship gave a jerk, and the engines sound changed. “On my way.” Pike replied.

He could tell they had; the ship was rocking from side to side in a waving motion.

“Right, Commander get our friend here a check over at sickbay. As much as I like your graduation t-shirt. You should go get a clean uniform afterwards.” Pike said indicating to the Starfleet t-shirt.

He supported himself to the table for balance.

“I’m going back to the bridge.”

Michael looked like she had forgotten that she was not wearing a uniform, she looked down, awkwardly. “It is Tilly’s.” She mumbled.

———\/———

The bridge was in complete chaos. When Pike entered. Nhan left the command chair to make space for him.

“Engineering are reporting that there is an error in the inertial dampeners.” Tilly reported. Currently lights were flickering from the engineering station.

Was everything broken on this ship? This ship honestly needed a major refit. “Dropping out of warp, now, sir.” Detmer said. He nodded. “Are we alone?” Pike asked worried.

“Yes, sir, we are in the middle of nowhere.” 

“Reno, what is going on?” He pressed the intercom on the command console.   
She was out of breath when she finally reported back.

“It is the latest repair on the auxiliary control room, the deflector shield installation is not compatible with the control on the bridge. We are getting periodic fallouts.” Pike was currently feeling the fallouts, he held on to the arm rest to not fall down.

“Why is it affecting the inertial dampeners?” He asked into the intercom. 

“The deflectors are disrupting all systems, sir, we need to decouple it completely.” Pike definitely hoped that they were alone here, and that the trader’s ship that was after Barry Waddle was not tracking them.

“Estimated time for the repair?” He asked. “Unknown Captain, I have limited experience with mid 24th century deflectors.” Pike nodded. “Okay, I trust you Reno, please make a time estimate before end of day.”

“Acknowledged, Engineering out.” Reno said over the intercom. Pike leaned back in his chair, drumming with his fingertips on the arm rest.

So, they were dead in space without shields. Another twinge in the inertial dampeners rippled through the bridge. He held onto the armrest.

———\/———

Several hours later, Reno was not any closer to a solution, and they were still stuck.

Pike had moved to his ready room to try to get a moment to think. There wasn’t much for him to do on the bridge anyway.

Also, to alleviate his headache.

His thought where interrupted by a caller on the door. For a moment he had hoped that it was Michael. But of course, it wasn’t.

“Mr Waddle.” Pike said and gave a strained smile.

He wasn’t really in the mood.

“So, your excellent Dr Pollard confirmed that I was in excellent health.” and a human. Pike made a mental note. But that it in itself was a trust factor, but at least it partly confirmed his identity.

Barry Waddle walked suspiciously relaxed to the replicator. “Maybe I can be so bold as to ask for raktajino?” Pike made a gesture towards the old replicator.

“Raktajino.” Barry Waddle spoke into it, and to Pike’s surprise it actually complied.

“I believe you have something to say Mr. Waddle.” Pike said trying to get this expedited.

“Fleet Captain, as the state of this vessel is directly linked to my own survival, and I believe that you are in need of a mechanic familiar with installation of deflector shields, I would like to offer my assistance. Would you mind if I took a seat?” He asked, Pike indicated the chair in front of him.

Pike did not trust this person, human or not, but at this time, they needed to get moving. The Discovery was drifting further and further towards Cardassian space and it was at this point only a question on time whether either the Orion trader’s ship or a Cardassian scout ship spotted them.


	9. The Cold Sea (Part III)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for kind comments and kudos :-)

“Captain, I believe you are making a mistake in trusting this man.” Michael was reasoning, while they were walking in a brisk pace towards engineering. He had decided that Barry Waddle should assist them.

But of course, she might have made the same decision if he had asked her. If he could help them, it was worth a try.

“I am not trusting him, Commander. But at this point, I don’t think we have much choice in the matter.” Pike said tired.

Something about this merchant didn’t feel right. Michael sincerely hoped that Pike could see that too. Another fallout in the inertial dampeners threw them off balance again. Both of them was thrown into the wall. He was pushed into her.

Michael struggled to regain an even breathing, and she hoped that Pike thought that it was because she had been thrown off balance. She could feel his hot breath on her neck, and she could feel a strange fluttering feeling in her stomach.

Pike regained momentum a moment before Michael and assisted her to stand as well.

She found herself looking at his hand wrapped around her lower arm. Her heart skipped a beat as he removed it with an apologetic look.

———\/———

Engineering was in chaos; Reno was under a control bench. Wiring collected in bundles ran out from under it.

Two engineering chiefs were putting out a plasma fire in a side panel, where the connections to the internal rerouting control were located. It was probably another fuse overload; there had been a lot of those lately. Several other crew-men were programming from the terminals in the other part of the engineering; they were ignoring the fire in the other end.

Barry Waddle was discussing something over the deflector control panel with Ensign Tilly. 

“Could someone pass me the automatic calibrator?” Reno shouted from under the bench, it was just loud enough to be heard over the noise of the engineering chiefs using the fire extinguisher. 

Michael handed the calibrator to her. 

“Thanks, Commander, didn’t see you come in.” Reno yelled and slit further under the bench “Unless something else is catching fire, we should be up and running in two hours.” She continued to yell over the hammering of the fire extinguishers.

For a fraction of a second, gravity of the ship changed to zero with a twirl and with a jolt it was moved back to normal. Michael’s ears rang for a few seconds afterwards, while her cerebellum tried to figure out what just happened.

That was definitely not what normally was supposed to happen when someone restarted the inertial dampeners.

“Okay, hopefully not too many vomited all over the ship there.” Reno commented almost inaudible from under the bench, she probably hadn’t intended that her restart should have been quite as hard.

Michael looked around, only Captain Pike did not look sick at the moment. He had taken over the fire extinguisher from one of the chiefs. The chief had sat down with his head between his legs, and was dry heaving. The poor man had a greenish taint in the face.

Reno finally pulled herself out from under the control bench. Her hair was sticking out in all directions and some sort of blue residue was stuck to her forehead. She didn’t look sick either.

Michael breathed in and aligned her balance. She felt slightly nauseous at the sight of Yeoman Nickels vomiting in the electronic waste bin in the far end of engineering.

“Okay, all done.” Reno said cheerfully, before turning towards the engineering chief that was trying to not vomit on the floor. “What’s wrong with him?”

Michael shrugged. 

After ensuring that the fire was put out, Captain Pike knelt next to the chief, and was trying to ascertain whether to send the man to sickbay of not. It was probably not necessary.

Michael was already guessing the amount of complaints she would receive for this.

“No, I just need a moment, sir.” The chief gasped, trying to hold it down. Pike gave him a clap on the shoulder, and nodded.

Satisfied that the chief did not require medical attention, Pike moved towards Reno: “So, let’s hear it, Reno. What’s the status?” Reno dried more of the blue compound of her hands.

“Mr. Waddle here did have some insights into the driver setup for the new deflector disk.” Barry Waddle and Tilly was also looking up from their discussion.

Barry Waddle looked smug, and he bowed slightly. 

“I am pleased, Fleet Captain, that I could be off service. But of course, it was an effort of the entire team,” Pike looked towards Tilly then to Reno. They didn’t look as chumming as Barry.

“So, we can be out of here within as soon as the deflector shield are up and running again.” Reno said, and was beginning to pack her tools.

The engineering chief finally lost his lunch on the floor.

———\/———

Captain Pike was worried, Michael noticed. She peeked at him from the science station, while updating the scans of the area. There were still no traces of any other vessels. So far at least they had not been tracked.

Pike did not look in her direction. Was he angry with her? He had seemed angry with her in the turbo lift in the morning. 

Michael found that it was difficult to identify whether his silence was just him being engulfed in thought or an awkward silence.

“Captain,” She said, just after beginning another manual sensor sweep of the immediate space around the Discovery.

He leaned back looking towards her. His confident blue eyes scanning her, making her feel self-conscious. 

“Yes, Commander?” He asked. “I …” Suddenly forgetting what she wanted to say.   
He leaned further in her direction further, narrowing his eyes. “Is everything alright?” He asked worried.

“Yes, I …” She looked down again. “Nothing.” She said, Beginning another scan cycle. The conversation she wanted to have with him was not appropriate for the bridge. She should wait until they were in private. If they survived this, she hoped that they could talk.

Not wanting to press the issue, he looked back towards the view screen. “All right, Commander, report if you got something on the scanners.” 

Ensign Marc at the engineering station was scrolling through something. It appeared she had received a message from engineering. “Anything new,” She whispered to him.

He looked up, nodded. “Report it to the Captain, Ensign.” She said, still low, Pike had heard them and was looking at the Ensign expectantly.

“Captain, Engineering reports that the deflectors are up and running again.”

Pike nodded and pressed the comm link. “Reno, do we have warp?”

“Working on them, the warp drive will be operational after a restart sequencing.” Pike sighed. “And how long is that gonna to take?”

“Less than four hours, sir. But we are able to jump if Stamets clears the spore drive.” Pike nodded, but he was clearly not happy. “Good work, Engineering. Bridge out.”

The scan cycle was underway. Michael pressed the different spikes on the scan, to check for ship signatures.

“Captain. A ship is approaching 100.000 kilometres. Cardassian signature” She reported, trying to get a better resolution, it was a smaller ship. It looked like a Cardassian short distance ship. “We are within their visual range.” Michael clarified.

“While the federation are in a truce with the Cardassian at this point in time, the Cardassian ship has a tactical advantage, and we should avoid a confrontation.” Michael continued. “We should jump as soon as possible.” She continued.

Pike nodded, agreeing with the assessment. He pressed the intercom again. “Stamets, are you ready to jump?” 

There was a pause. “The spore drive is not up and running,” Stamets said over the intercom.

Pike leaned forward, if Michael would guess on his emotional state she would say that he was annoyed with the state of the ship. She knew, she was too, most of it fell back on her.

Pike looked like he was suppressing his annoyance. “How long will it be? Can you do it within thirty minutes?” He asked. “We hope we are able to, I don’t know, if it had not been for Reno’s re-circuiting, we would definitely be better off…. And …” Pike stopped what would probably have been a rambling on the troubles that Reno and the engineering department was giving him.

It was not a rare occurrence.

“Okay, prepare jump as soon as possible. Bridge out.” Pike said and closed the channel.

Michael ended the scan, while received a message from Doctor Pollard marked urgent. It was together with at least twenty messages that appeared to contain complaints on the start-up sequence of the inertial dampeners.

———\/———

“Michael, good you came” Doctor Pollard stopped Michael as soon as she entered sickbay.

“Can you do it fast?” Michael didn’t hope it was about the part of the crew that currently was in-operative due to vertigo.

“We did the test on Mr. Barry Waddle twice, and both time it registered that he was fully human, however, there was still something off, so we did the diagnostic from Ash Tyler, on his sample.” She said, scrolling through her findings.

Michael stopped; this was bad, very bad. 

“So, is he a Klingon?” Michael asked weakly. Currently, he was roaming around on the ship, and they were jumping in minutes.

“With the extensive genetic modifications done, we cannot be certain, but most likely, yes.” Pollard said, looking serious. 

They were jumping in a few minutes. And he had had access to the spore drive control.

“Bridge, where is Barry Waddle at this time?” Michael asked into her communicator.

“He is with Tilly in the spore drive control room.” Captain Pike answered, holding a moment break, clearly guessing that something was wrong.

“Wait, Burnham, we are jumping to the Rigellian cluster in a few minutes, what is going on?”

“It is Waddle, sir, he is a Klingon.” Michael was certain that she heard Pike say, “shit” In the other end. 

Maybe it was just her imagination.

“Stop the jump, sir, he has tampered with the drive.” In all truths, Michael didn’t know that, but they couldn’t risk that. “Acknowledged,” Pike said.

Michael tried calling Tilly on her personal communicator, but Tilly did not answer. She was getting a really bad feeling about this. First of all, Tilly shouldn’t have been alone with this man.

Michael armed herself and moved towards the turbo lift.

———\/———

Michael busted into the deflector control room followed by two security officers.

It was too late, Michael could see a figure, Tilly, being face down on the floor.

She moved the phasor to her belt again, and checked Tilly’s pulse. She took a sharp intake of breath in relief that Tilly was still alive.

Michael pressed her communicator to contact the bridge again.

“Burnham to bridge” She called. “Waddle is gone. Ensign Tilly is unconscious, but alive.”

“Acknowledged, Burnham.” Pike answered.

A moment after the intruder alarm sounded, and the description and image of Barry Waddle flashed on the terminal.

Michael carefully moved Tilly around as she regained consciousness. Her left temple was bleeding, and her eyes were unfocused.

“He hit me; I think.” Tilly mumbled. The gash didn’t look too deep, probably he had hit her with something blunt.

“Do you know what he did to the systems?” Michael asked. Tilly was looking at her left hand, now filled with blood.

“I think he reprogrammed the navigation computer, I found something, I was just … when he hit me …” Tilly said, her eyes were becoming worrying unfocused. 

“We need to find him and …” Tilly said and moved the hand to her temple again.

“Shh, don’t worry, you should get to sickbay.” Michael gestured to Lt. Mann from security to help to get Tilly up.

“Take Ensign Tilly to sickbay. I’ll try to see whether I can find out what have been done to the navigation.”

“Michael, I …” “Just get to sickbay.” Michael said impatiently. Michael was flushed with a sense of dread. Looking at Tilly being helped to stand by Lt. Mann, who assisted her to walk. It was the history with Ash Tyler repeating itself. 

Like a nightmare. Like her nightmares.

Michael had the burning sensation that she should have predicted this. She really hoped that Tilly was going to be okay. And she hated that she was unable to follow Tilly to sickbay herself.

She turned on the nearest control panel. Stamets had mentioned his rewiring from the spore lab, as the systems were normally coupled with the navigation computer. The rewiring was the most logical place to look for tempering.

Michael checked their end destination in the spore drive, it looked like the destination was set to the Rigellian cluster correctly, but it appeared that there was installed some sort of Trojan destination underneath.

It also looked like Tilly had either on purpose of accidentally exposed it.

Barry had changed the jump destination to the border of Klingon space around a hundred years previously. Michael initiated the diagnostic program to change the destination.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Michael saw a movement. She jumped to the side; it was fractions of a second before Barry Waddle attacked her. He pulled her phasor out from her belt and pointing it at the side of her head.

Michael looked around. More in shock that she had not been more vigilant than anything else.

“I will not harm you, if you do as I say.” Barry said calmly. Michael froze for a second and just stared at him. For a moment, she thought she saw a fraction of Ash Tyler in him. Something akin to the same thing, like he contained something dual in nature.

It scared her.

She felt a contempt towards him. Illogical as that was. Disgust towards the Klingon side of him was bubbling up in her. What person had been killed so that the Klingon could take his appearance? She wondered. What DNA had been stolen, what Ash Tyler had been taken to make way for Barry Waddle?

Barry was aggressively pushing at her to sit down in front of the control panel. For a moment Michael had an impulse to just let him shoot her. Should he shoot her now, would it matter? Certainly not to her, not to anyone.

Michael drove away the feeling and punched him hard with her palm on the nose.

She was lucky that Barry was taken off guard and hesitated enough for her to pull the phasor from him. No, he was definitely not Ash Tyler, Michael decided. Ash Tyler would have shot her with no hesitation.

Barry Waddle staggered backwards, with a surprised look. A moment later he charged at her again. He punched at her face, but missed as she quickly moved to the side, and gave him a knee to his stomach.

Barry winched before pushing upwards, he pulled a hand around her throat, and squeezed hard. A moment Michael couldn’t breathe. She struggled as her throat became constricted, before she took the last option. Michael flickered the setting on the phasor to stun and pulled it towards Barry.

Barry barely noticed it, a small gasp escaped him, as he sank lifeless to the floor.

Michael held a hand to her bruised throat, gasping for air.

———\/———

Michael and Captain Pike was looking at Barry Waddle in the brig. He was moving annoyed from one side of the cell to the other.

Michael hadn’t given a full report on what had happened. She had punched Barry, when she could have stunned him to begin with.

She felt ashamed that she had chosen to fight again, instead of ending it before getting both of them injured. But of course, Captain Pike would not understand that.

Captain Pike had just looked at her, with those understanding blue eyes, and given her a gentle touch on her arm, and a smile full of relief.

“So, what do we do with Mr. Waddle?” Pike asked. Personally, Michael wanted to eject Barry Waddle into space, but that was probably going to be considered a bit excessive. 

Pike would definitely think that, even if the Klingon had injured Tilly.

“I don’t know, he was intending to change the timeline, but what he wanted on K-7 during the Sherman’s Planet crisis is unknown.” Michael said.

“Well as long as he doesn’t use this vessel to disrupt the time line, I don’t care. Beam him down on the nearest habituated planet.” Pike said. “He can get a ride with someone else.” 

So, Pike was as angry as her then, Michael realised, Captain Pike was just nicer than her.

They were in the outskirts of Cardassian space, at a time where diplomatic relations between Cardassia and the federation were somewhat on good terms. And at this time period it was un likely he could find other options for time-travel.

At least she hoped not.

———\/———

“You can’t do this; do you know how long it is to federation space? It could take years before I can get off this planet.” Barry Waddle protested, as the guards were dragging him to the transporter PADD.

There was a small trader’s outpost. Barry Waddle would not be in any danger at this destination. 

He would however be stuck in Cardassian space, probably for some time.

If he hadn’t injured Tilly, Michael was certain that Captain Pike might even have been persuaded to take him to federation space. But not now.

“Goodbye, Mr. Waddle.” Michael said and was operating the transporter control herself. 

Minutes later the black alert sounded for the Rigellian cluster jump. Hopefully they would have some down time.

Michael left to visit Tilly in sickbay. She also owed Alex a tour of the hangar deck since she had had to leave early in the morning. The girl had been a non-compliant with being handed over to the nursery staff half an hour before promised.

She also owed her an ice-cream.


	10. The Cold Sea (part IV)

It took most of the evening to plan the repairs for the ship. They needed down-time. Captain Pike shook himself awake; he had fallen asleep over his desk. He pulled a palm across his face, looking down to the PADD that had been in his hand before he had fallen asleep.

He looked at the time, it was well past midnight. 

Pike sighed, and put the PADD down again. He should go back to bed, but the thought that Michael would be back in their room felt troublesome.

Pike gave a short greeting to the gamma shift crew. Before hurrying along.

His heart was in his throat as he slit into their quarters, expecting Michael to be asleep on her side of the bed, feeling both relieved and disappointed when she wasn’t there. 

He was too tired to mind at this time, but he needed to talk to her in the morning. They would need to come up with some other arrangement. He collapsed on the bed.

———\/———

Michael was in uniform and looked somewhat well-rested when she reported to the Captain’s ready room to go through the repair schedule and divide the plan between them.

She still had bags under her eyes, but she looked better than previously.

“Did you sleep, Commander?” Pike asked, which made her look up, surprised.

“You didn’t go to your room.”  
“I slept in Tilly’s room, to look for Alex.” Michael said effortless. Pike nodded, that was reasonable enough, but they could just as well get the room allocation over and done with.

It was obvious not a good idea that they shared a room. It appeared that Michael didn’t like sharing a room with him, and he had a hard time with handling the intimacy of the arrangement.

“On a different note, Commander, I am changing our room allocations.” Pike said.

Michael grew silent, he was certain that that had been what she wanted. It was not what he wanted, but since after she had kissed him she had been even more distant and unhappy, he surmised that it was for the best.

So, despite his initial refusal of changing the room allocation, there really was no other alternative.

Furthermore, at this point he really didn’t trust himself around her. It would probably be healthy for the command structure if they weren’t sleeping four feet away from each other.

“What?” Michael however looked surprised and a little unhappy. Maybe that was just his imagination.

“Last night made it clear to me that we are not a good room combination, I have swapped over with Lt. Weber and Lt. Ryan. They have both expressed an interest in getting new room mates.”

Michael didn’t say anything for a moment.

“So, when does this goes into effect?” She asked coldly.

“Now, Commander. As I don’t have any personal belongings I suppose it will be easiest for me to move.” From what he had seen, she didn’t have any personal belongings either. But he was not going to comment on that.

“I see.” Michael said and looked away. He could not read whether she was disappointed, relieved, or really didn’t care.

He was not betting on the last option.

———\/———

Pike had thought that Michael would say something at the memorial speech for Lieutenant Martin, she however did just stand there completely petrified in her dress uniform in the first row next to Martin’s coffin. Letting him do the talking, as he had done the preparations for it. Captain Pike had not known Lt. Martin was felt himself ill qualified for the task.

Michael was not meeting anyone’s eyes, her eyes were red, and she looked straight forward not focused on anything.

He wanted to talk to her afterwards but as soon as the ceremony was over, she had left un-noticed.

He was worried about her, and he was definitely already regretted having moved to another room.

———\/———

The moment Pike stepped into the laboratory; he was hit with a heat he had not experienced for a long time; he stood for a moment and studied the outlook of the sandy ground of a vast desert. He turned back slightly surprised as the door closed behind him. The door disappeared revealing only more desert.

Pike did not recognise the place, it was alien to him, but based on the large rocky formations and mountains, he surmised that it was Vulcan.

He wondered whether it was an illusion or whether he had truly been transported into a desert. It made no sense that he should indeed be on Vulcan. Most likely this was some sort of augmented or virtual reality laboratory.

“Commander?” He asked to apparent no one. He hoped that Michael would be able to hear him. Ensign Tilly had said she thought that Michael should be in this laboratory, it did however not look like any laboratory he had ever been in.

No-one answered.

Pike moved forward. Looking up, the alien sky of Vulcan high above him. The heat and desert wind were warm against his face.

He wondered what the purpose of this place was.

In the orange sand followed a trail, he walked between the dunes. Sand and dust blew in the burning wind, he held a hand over his eyes to shield from the scorching sun.

The sand changed into red rocky formations as the small path lead to the onset of a canyon, wider and deeper than anything he had seen anywhere else, the alien nature being incredible, burnt colours, staggering heat and beauty.

Then he saw her, on the edge of a large rock leading out with a view to a staggering depth.

She looked back for a moment, as he slid down to sit next to her. Looking towards the huge canyon. Growth of strange brown desert flowers spread over the canyon.

She dangled her legs; he was worried that she would be angry with him. But she didn’t seem to be, she was wearing her uniform.

She just looked out towards the horizon.

Tears had dried on her cheeks.

She had a pained expression carved into her face.

“It is not easy to lose a man under your command.” Pike said un-committing. She didn’t respond, just looked straight ahead.

He wanted to hold her again, dry her tears, get her to open up to him. She was so closed off from everything, too difficult to reach.

“I … would like to keep sharing rooms with you, Captain.” She said quietly. He looked at her surprised.

“All right.” He said, all his resistance being broken. Looking into the canyon in front of them, the sky was getting purple and orange.

She turned her head towards him, equally surprised.

“I told you be up front with me.” He said. “I appreciate that.” And already regretting it. He wondered whether he really could share a room with her again. Could they be amiable bunkmates now? But he found that when asked directly he could not say no to her.

“Lt. Weber and Lt. Ryan will be relieved, they seemed also rather unhappy with the solution.” Apparently, while Pike had a feeling that Michael was respected and well loved by the crew, the prospect of being her roommate had not turned out to be a popular one.

As a side effect, Pike was pretty certain that Lt. Weber and Lt. Ryan would not ask for new bunkmates anytime soon.

She looked a little strained, probably well aware of her own reputation.

“Thank you, Chris.” Michael said, looking towards the horizon again. She never called him Chris. It was nice. He returned her a weak smile. 

“I’ll leave you alone,” Pike said and moved to stand up again. She nodded. “At some point you should tell me the purpose of this place,” Pike said, half meaning the Vulcan landscape, half meaning the laboratory.

“I hope we can talk in the evening.” Pike said, he really hoped so. And now was not the time, he would need to return to the bridge, and she had probably come into this place to have some peace. 

To his surprise, Michael held onto his arm and leaned closer to him. Preventing him from leaving.

Uncharacteristic docile, he watched her shaking fingers unzipping his front jacket and prying her hands inside. 

He had prepared a whole speech that a condition of them sharing rooms again was that they would not engage in any romantic relationship. That everything should be held on a completely professional level. All those prepared words about duty and command structure melted away.

Pike leaned into her, hungrily and began kissing her neck and unzipped her jacket, while pushing her backwards into the dust. Michael was making pleasured noises as he moved his hands into her uniform pants.

Michael wriggled them off to allow him better access, and help him with pulling his own uniform off.

Captain Pike captured her mouth with his. Tasting her sweetness.

She was so perfect. He put his uniform jacket under her head as he moved himself on top of her and entered her slowly. 

The heat from the Vulcan sun burned pleasantly in his back as he slowly buried himself in her again.

Michael had half closed eyes and made a sound that sounded needy and was making him ache to kiss her everywhere. Pike almost said that he loved her out loud but fortunately he was lucid enough to stop himself. He wanted to cherish this. Not scare her away again.

Pike trailed a hand over her breasts and kissed her neck slowly. She made a pleasurable sound with half closed eyes.

The burnt orange glow from the sky reflected in the dust around them making it glowed like a million fireflies buzzing around them. Returning to the bridge could definitely wait for this.


	11. Diving Deep (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind comments and kudos :-)

_“She dived deep under the sea and rose high again between the waves, and finally came to the young prince who could hardly swim any longer in the stormy waves, his arms and legs dulled, the beautiful eyes closed.”_  
Hans-Christian Andersen, the little mermaid

Captain Pike was sitting in the helm at the Antares, he was wearing his old blue uniform, and he stared at the familiar controls. Pike looked back towards Captain Boucher, who was standing next to the command chair. Calm, worried, quiet.

“Lt. Pike take us back through the asteroid belt.” Captain Boucher said. Pike manoeuvred the ship through the narrow passage between the asteroids. There was a silence on the bridge, they all knew that this was serious.

The shields were up, and their scanners were impaired from the field. But there was no choice, it was about a missing crewman.

“Any sign of the shuttle?” Captain Boucher asked to the Science station.

The shuttle had left ten hours before, it had not returned.

It was Lt. Caron on that shuttle, the place Pike should have had. They had been commissioned at the same time, Caron was the Beta shift pilot, Pike was on Alpha shift.

Captain Boucher had selected Pike to go on the mission to the asteroid field, since he had the most experience in flying smaller vessels in difficult conditions. They needed to place a probe there, to scan for minerals. It was a routine mission, though a bit high risk.

All space missions were high risk.

The night before, Pike had broken his ankle in a training accident and the sickbay had said he couldn’t go.

Pike couldn’t even recall if he had protested the decision. Which was strange since it was only hours before.

Now the shuttle was lost, and so was Lt. Caron.

That was for a moment more, and then they picked up the signature of the shuttle.

“On screen.” Was the last he heard Captain Boucher say before everything went silent. 

The view screen of the pilot being exposed to the decompression of the destroyed shuttle, it was nailed to one of the asteroids, debris floating around in space around it.

The pilot was hanging on the outside, his leg caught in a strap from the shuttle.

They were met with the horrific sight of Lt. Caron, who had been exposed to decompression, his blood had boiled, his face had swollen. Then frozen solid. Though something that was always a risk when in space, it was not something anyone could get used to.

Pike looked away in horror.

The magnification of the destroyed shuttle filled the view screen. The dead man hanging there.

Everyone was frozen in shock, before Pike first reacted.

“Captain? What should we do?” Pike asked and looked towards Captain Boucher. The Captain had closed his eyes in pain and horror. He looked dizzy and he had to support himself to the side of the chair. 

He was petrified. Frozen just as the poor Lt. Caron.

“Beam him up.” Pike heard himself ordering the Lt. Commander at the engineering station, the man hesitated to Pike’s annoyance. “Now, Lt. Commander.” Pike said more sternly, the man did what he said, even if Pike was only a Lieutenant.

The Antares was a science probe vessel, they were not a warship. They did routine missions. Crew compliment 25, now they were 24.

“Medical to transporter room.” Pike ordered to the communication officer, not having control over the communication himself. The officer did as instructed, fast.

Pike locked eyes with Captain Boucher for a moment, who was looking ashen. He was still not speaking.

“Captain, sit down.” Pike said softly, worried that the man was going to pass out. Boucher just nodded, his face grey. He almost fell backwards into the command chair.

The Captain’s fingers were cramping. “Shit, medical to the bridge.” Pike ordered, getting up from his own console, as Captain Boucher fell to the floor.

Captain Pike fell out of his bed, overcome by grief over a man that had been dead for 34 years. But of course, it was a side effect of the next jump. They were going to jump to that year where Lt. Caron had died.

When they arrived, Lt. Caron hadn’t been dead for 34 years, he would still be alive, but for a few weeks. 

It was the realisation that Pike suddenly had the power to stop it, that if he willed it, he could save the young Lieutenant. But of course, free will was an illusion when traveling back in time. The past was past, and a calamity could happen from changing the smallest thing. Of course, he had no real power to save anyone. Least of all Lt. Caron.

A guilt, he had come to terms with, was surfacing itself after so many years.

But even how much he wished that he could save the young Lieutenant, the man that had died because Pike had not done his job. But of course, their jump destination was no-where near the Antares. The Antares incident was just a part of history, as all other tragedies.

“Are you all right?” Michael asked, she was getting out of her own bed. Pioke had wooken her up, he feared.

This was also a reason why he disliked not having his own quarters. He couldn’t talk about this right now. And he was worried that he had disturbed her.

“Yeah, just not happy about 2233.” He could change the time-lines, but of course that was not an option.

Just as it wasn’t an option to save the Antares from being destroyed 33 years later. 

“Bad memories?” Michael asked and went to the replicator to make coffee. She made him one as well. 

“You could say that. I got my first deep space posting that year.” He said. “First trip into the unknown.” He gave her a strained smile. Both good and bad he supposed, 2233 had not been all bad. 

She looked at him with understanding. Michael had begun to sleep at their quarters, but he would have preferred if she had begun to sleep in his bed as well.

She hadn’t.

Since the encounter they had had, she had seemed to keep a distance. It was what he had wanted, but now he found it somewhat disappointing that she was not making any further moves. He was well aware that as he was her direct superior, they should not engage in any sort of relationship unless she moved first.

And she wasn’t making any sort of move. And he desperately wanted her to. It was getting worse and worse, he felt a tingling sensation every time she looked at him or said something to him.

———\/———

In front of them was the remains of an explosion in space. The yellow epicentre was still visible. In front of them was a massive field of space debris.

“I think, we need a bigger bucket.” Reno commented from the engineering station.

Behind the dense field, Michael reported that she was picking up a black hole there was a black hole behind it. The black hole was fortunately so far away that it shouldn’t pose a problem.

“Shields up.” Pike ordered, just before small pieces of scrap metal burned up against their outer shield, as small explosions. The debris field was like a dense cloud, pieces being accelerated at different speeds from the epi-centre. As there was no friction to stop them, it was shot against them as missiles.

Whatever had been destroyed, it had been massive.

“Scan debris,” Pike continued to Michael, who was occupying the science station. She nodded.

“It has a Romulan signature,” Romulan? Pike looked confused towards Michael. He had heard of them, but had not actually seen them. And at this time period they would keep to them self. If there was any sort of Romulan activity in 2233, he would have known about it.

“Romulan?” He asked, they were in federation space. “Is it a warship?” He asked. “No, the equipment seems to be consistent with a mining vessel.” Pike had no experience with Romulan technologies either.

“Is it possible to ascertain whether the equipment is consistent with 2233?” A rain of small yellow explosions of debris burned up against their screens towards and made the view out difficult.

“It is difficult to say. The temporal high commission have made a good job with this one. I doubt anything is salvageable.” Michael reported.

Okay, so why were they here, if everything was destroyed? 

“I think with the sheer amount of the debris field that either it was several ships, or the ship is later than mid 24th century.” Pike nodded, well, they should locate the problem.

“From our scans, it appears that there is an uncharted black hole near the debris field, it is impairing our sensor scans.” Michael reported.

“I do not believe I knew that there would be a black hole in this portion of Space.” Pike said. Not that he knew all star-charts by heart, but this was an area where he had been on several occasions.

“No, sir, it might be a related event. Some black holes have been known to have a centre of gravity that is causing temporal rifts.” Michael reported. 

“The black hole appears to be moving away.” Black holes didn’t normally behave like that, even if his astro-physics was a bit shaky. Well, the Discovery wasn’t equipped with dealing with black holes. So, if the temporal disturbance was related to that, they couldn’t very well destroy a black hole.

Pike nodded, “We should search through the debris for any material they have missed.”

It would be difficult to search through the immense debris field. Maybe a small shuttle would work more efficiently. He thought.

“Commander, ready the Delta Flyer II, we are going on a trip.” Pike said confidently at Michael. He was looking forward to trying the small agile plane, when not being completely immobilised.

Michael nodded. “Yes, Captain.”

A rain of debris emerged the view screen. “Take us to a safe distance of the debris field, Owo.” Pike said, placing one leg over the other. The Discovery wouldn’t be of much help in this.

The Discovery would hopefully have time for maintenance while he and Michael were searching the field in the Flyer.

———\/———

Pike sank down in the co-pilot seat securing the 5-points seatbelt, he was aching to be in the seat, which Michael was currently occupying. He followed her start up sequence with some interest. 

Last time he had been in the small flyer, he had obviously been occupied by other things. The flyer was more advanced and more manoeuvrable than he had tried to fly before, and the sleek controls was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

Pike wondered for an un-productive moment what had happened to the Delta Flyer I. 

Pike leaned forward in the chair to study the controls and Michael, who was effortless controlling the helm.

“Delta Flyer II to Discovery. Permission to take off.” Michael said, making the last of the pre-flight preparations.

“Delta Flyer II, permission granted. Decompressing shuttle deck.” Nhan acknowledged. Pike strapped himself in as he followed what Burnham was doing. Familiarising himself with the controls.

He felt an oddly sense of calm as the ship took off. The vibrations of the ship felt homely and reminded him of that sensation of being young and having the world had been at one’s feet.

It reminded him of the naivety of he had had in his youth, he supposed,

Flying was something he did not had time to do recently, and the flyer was a piece of equipment, he actually would like to try to fly.

He looked towards Michael, thinking that maybe they could go for a trip together when they were finished with this mission. He immediately rejected the thought, it was unclear whether she would even want to.

Pike pressed on the systems controls to get the specifications.


	12. Diving Deep (Part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind comments and kudos.

The Discovery was moving further and further away. The Delta flyer went to half impulse power into the debris field.

“I can get a clear reading for a 1000 meters radius only.” Scanning the debris field was going to take days. Michael took a look at Pike, who seemed to not mind this road trip at all.

The small space in the flyer, made Michael feel slightly edgy. Even that they were sharing quarters and the Captain slept few meters away from her each night. This, them being alone in a small ship, was somehow even more intimate. She felt strangely troubled by Pike sitting next to her, his arm brushed her accidentally as he pressed the computer in front of her.

Michael could feel a lump in her throat.

“Commander?” Pike asked, studying her a moment. “Are you all right?” The flyer was shaking slightly with the incoming debris field and the rhythm of the impulse engines. 

“Are you going to be sick?” He asked. Possible he had come to the logical conclusion as it was a situation where lots of officers got motion sickness. Her heart rate increased while he studied her.  
“No, I am fine.” She said and looked away from him. Trying to pretend she was alone for a moment.

He shrugged. Taking over the flying control.

They were in open space, but the debris field was still dense.

The long-range scanners were giving phantom readings, Michael moved from the short range once for a moment.

“Captain. We are receiving a subspace message.” Michael said. “It is star fleet code 2.” Code 2 was easily broken, and had famously been broken by the Romulans. It would probably be consistent with a 2233 Star Fleet star ship though.

Pike of course knew this, he studied Michael for a moment. “Code 2? Decrypt and on speaker.” Pike said.

“This is Captain Robau of the USS Kelvin. We are in distress and need immediate assistance. Our warp core is inoperable and impulse drive is down. I am sending my log on the events.”

“Can you locate the Kelvin?” Pike asked, and moved to the scanner control.

“I can see something on the long-range scanners, Captain.” Michael confirmed, he nodded. The Kelvin would be unable to see them, their sensors being of several generations earlier.

“They are transmitting ships logs,” Michael confirmed. “On speaker.” Pike said.

“Captains Log, Star Date 2233.03021. We have responded to a distress signal from a ship which we thought were survivors from a Vulcan research vessel. Too late, we realised that the survivors were Romulans. A Romulan survivor was able to overpower several crew members. Before, the crew was realised what was wrong, the Romulan was able to overload the impulse drive. Both propulsion systems of the ship are damaged. Several decks were damaged in the explosion. Repairs are underway but the ship is completely immobilised. A Romulan has escaped in a shuttle, we are unable to follow pursuit, requesting immediately assistance.”

Pike reversed the engines of the flyer, “We should get out of here and look for that shuttle.” Michael nodded. They should, she turned the long-range scanners to the subspace disturbances that the shuttle would have made.

“I am scanning for radiation traces of the shuttle. When we are out the field, we should be able to pick it up.”

The debris was getting less dense around them as Pike guided them out of the field. She tuned the short-range scanners, to reveal a faint red trace on the scanner from the shuttle craft’s warp drive.

“I have the warp trace of a shuttle; it could be the one.” Michael reported and turned into the trace. The trail was getting stronger as they exited the field.

“It is not clear how much of a jump start they got. It appears that the shuttle craft has a low warp capability, again consistent with equipment on the Kelvin in this time period.” Michael was well aware of the equipment of the Kelvin.

The Kelvin had been transformed into a warship in the Klingon war. They had been destroyed in that conflict. Something Michael felt an immensely guilty for. She had rigorously followed all warships during her prison sentence. Feeling a debilitating pain every time, a fleet ship was lost. The Kelvin had been one of those.

“Calculating course now,” Michael reported and plotted it in to the navigation computer. It appeared that Captain Pike preferred manual control of the flyer.

When comparing the speed of the Kelvin’s shuttle compared to the flyer in an educated guess and based on the lead the shuttle had, they would probably intersect it within four to five hours.

———\/———

“The Kelvin was destroyed during the Klingon war?” Pike asked conversational, while studying Michael for a moment. She didn’t respond, just sank a lump. Why was he bringing this up? That was not relevant for their current mission.

“I believe that the Kelvin was one of the lost ships in the beginning of the war.” Michael said, on purpose not meeting his eyes. 

“Are you honestly blaming yourself for that as well?” Pike said annoyed. She didn’t respond. He moved a hand to touch her shoulder, she didn’t flinch but didn’t respond. Why was he reading her this well?

Talking about it could not wash the blood from her hands. She stared at them for a moment.

“Let’s just get that shuttle and return to the Discovery.” Michael said, tired. Pike, however did not look like he was letting her off that easily.

“Commander,” Pike said, and flashed an insufferable smile “Stop blaming yourself and enjoy the ride. I might even let you fly again.”

———\/———

Pike had been getting a cup of coffee from the replicator, when Michael saw the shuttle on the long-range scanners.

“The shuttle, Captain,” Michael said. “Hail them.” Pike said as he took over from the autopilot. “Piloting to parallel with the shuttle.” He informed Michael. She nodded. 

“They are not responding.” That was hardly surprising. “Their shields are up.”

“Recommendations?” He asked. “We should fire to immobilise their shields and defences.” Pike nodded. “Aim all phasors at the shuttle’s deflectors and warp drive.” Michael took aim, the manoeuvrability of the shuttle was impaired due to the warp field.

Pike skilfully matched the speed of the shuttle, already locking their speed with the other ship. Michael shot, hitting first the deflector and then the small warp core of the shuttle.

The ship began emitting plasma smoke, Pike’s speed lock was still working and the flyer matched the spiralling course of the Kelvin shuttle.

“They are dropping out of warp.” Michael reported. “Their shield is failing.” Michael increased magnification of the scanner to see the pulse of the shield beginning to change frequency, a sign that it too was failing. On the view screen the shield blinking in a blue light around the shuttle, blinking in and out of existence. 

Michael moved to the scanners of the shuttle, “I read two life signs.” Michael reported. She tuned the scanners. “One vulcanoid, one humanoid, probably a human.” The human however was difficult to get a full reading on. “I think that the human is a child.” She said somewhat doubtful.

Pike looked at her with surprise. “A child?” Pike asked more to himself, being busy with navigating the flyer to not lose the shuttle in the near light speed both ships were holding. He was moving the controls at an impressive speed.

“Can you get a lock on them?” Pike asked, not looking up from the control of the ship. The flyer was spinning as it de-accelerated, the inertial dampeners having problems following the speed. They were still in close pursuit. 

“They are firing up their phasor banks, can you make evasive maneuverers, sir?” Michael asked.

“Yes, but I am in risk of losing them. How long do they have hull integrity?” 

“Five minutes,” Michael calculated.

“Then I can’t do anything, either we move too far away from them or we are going to get hit.” Pike said, still concentrated on the controls. 

The shuttle fired its phasors and hit them.

“They are reloading. Can you get closer, so I can beam them on board?” She asked. The shield of the shuttle was still interrupting the scanners and also interfering with the transporter.

“Trying,” Pike said and steered them after the spiralling ship. The shuttle was spinning as the warp drive had set out and the damaged impulse engines were setting out on the starboard side.

“Should I shoot again?” Michael asked. “Negative, if they have a hostage, I don’t want to risk it.”

“Understood, Captain.” Michael said.

Finally, as the blue light around the shuttle disappeared. “I cannot separate the signature of the child and the other passenger.” She said in frustration. She would prefer beaming them over one at a time.

“Beam both of them over, phasor ready, commander.” Pike ordered. Michael nodded and beamed the passengers from the shuttle to the centre of the flyer. She moved the phasor out from her belt.

A man that had materialised was wearing a black cloak. He had a shaved head and had the pre-Surak tattoos of mourning. Michael had never seen it in real life before, but she knew that it dated back from before the Romulans had left Vulcan.

Michael got up and moved towards the Romulan, when she noticed the movements of the small bundle he was holding. “Please give me the child, there is no reason to harm the innocent.” She said, trying to get a glimpse of the baby. It was extremely small, possible a new-born.

“Innocent? He is not innocent.” The Romulan spat.

“He is a child!” “No, but he will be the vessel of my revenge.” At the moment it didn’t look to Michael that the child was going to do much revenging.

“And what revenge would that be?”

“This child will grow up to be the greatest Star Fleet Captain in all of history. His journeys will become that of legend. But this time he will be on the other side of history.”

That seemed like a long-term plan. 

Michael moved a step closer, while the child was whimpering. The child appeared to be in distress and Michael was getting eager to get it to safety.

“But if I can’t have that I will kill him, and I will still have my revenge over Spock.” Michael was startled for a short moment to hear her brother’s name.

“What has Spock got to do with this?” She asked. The Romulan was pointing his weapon towards the infant’s head.

The Romulan curled his mouth up in a smile.

“Do you know Ambassador Spock? I will hand over the child if you get me Ambassador Spock.”

The baby was giving out pained hiccups.

Pike stood up just next to Michael. He put his own phasor on the floor and indicated his empty hands and nodded for Michael to do the same thing.

Michael looked at Pike and wondered what he was planning. But she too put her phasor on the floor. 

“I can take you to Ambassador Spock.” Pike looking into the eyes of the Romulan. The Romulan looked almost convinced. 

Pike stood up and moved towards the Romulan.

“How has Ambassador Spock wronged you?” Pike asked. Michael tried to calculate Pike’s ploy.

“He destroyed my planet. He killed my wife.” The Romulan had a pained expression. Tears of anger and pain was visible on his face.

“I am sure that is not what happened,” Pike said calmly.

“You don’t know, you were not there.” The Romulan spat, in an error turning his weapon from the infant to Pike. Pike gave Michael a glance, giving her the go ahead. It was just enough for Michael to leap at the Romulan at the same time as Pike ducked.

The phasor was fired in the side if the shuttle as Michael jumped the Romulan and tried tearing the weapon from his extended arm. Making him sink to his knees. For a moment he gained momentum again and pulling the weapon towards Michael, before she pushed it out of her face; the weapon effectively went off into the Romulan’s head. He fell backwards with Michael still holding his arm, and the infant rolling towards the floor.

For a moment Michael thought that the baby would hit the ground, when Pike caught him and pulled him out as Michael let go off the dead Romulan; he fell backwards with a thump.

Michael moved to check whether the Romulan was indeed dead. He was, he had a disrupter injury in the face.

She looked towards Captain Pike, who was cradling the child.

“I think he is okay, maybe a little cold.” The infant was crying very low. “Activate Emergency Medical Hologram.” Michael said. She had absolutely no idea how to check whether an infant was okay or not and she honestly doubted that it was a field in which Pike had any expertise.

The doctor appeared in front of the bio bed in the back. “Please state the nature of the medical emergency.” 

Pike handed him the baby.

“Oh, you two had a baby, how cute.” The doctor said sarcastically. “That is not our baby, doctor.” Michael said.

The doctor accepted the small infant from Captain Pike with a huff.

“Shame, that might have been healthy for you.” He said directed to Michael. The doctor placed the small child on the bio-bed. “So, so have those ruffians kidnapped you too? Where is your mother, little darling?” The doctor cooed to the infant. “Has the mean lady taken you away from you mother?” He babbled on.

“I have not…” Michael protested. “Shhh, shh.” The doctor said to the whimpering infant, cutting her off. “Hmm, hmm. He appears to be born within the last ten hours.” The doctor said, and turning the temperature on the bio-bed. He removed the blanket from the infant: probably to allow the warm air from the bio bed to work faster.

“He is mildly hypothermic and slightly dehydrated. And he needs his diaper changed.” 

Pike and Michael exchanged glances. “We should check our engines and get back to the Kelvin with him.” Pike said. 

“Agreed.” Michael said, looking at the new-born. And moved to the engineering panel. Thinking that she should probably appear busy.

“Could one of you two make yourself useful and replicate some baby supplies?” Michael was going to say that she was making herself useful in getting them back to the Kelvin.

“And why is there a dead Romulan on the floor?” The doctor continued. Michael decided to deal with the dead Romulan instead of the baby supplies.

She went to the auxiliary room in the back. When she returned the doctor was trying to get Captain Pike to hold the infant again with a limited amount of success.

Pike looked somewhat out of his comfort zone as he finally accepted the baby, now wrapped in a blanket and onesie from the replicator.

“Feed him a bottle every two hours. You will be fine.” The doctor said happily, packing away the medical supplies.

“What do you mean? Shouldn’t you be treating him?” Pike asked panicky while staring at the baby.

“There is nothing to treat, he is perfectly fine.” The doctor said.

“But he is crying.” Pike tried to protest.

“He is probably just hungry. I am sure, you’ll figure it out. EMH deactivate!” The doctor moved out of existence, as Pike said. “What do you mean, I’ll figure it out?”

Pike stared at the infant, the baby was how completely red in the face, crying angrily. Pike then looked at Michael who was trying to make herself extra busy. She had absolutely no idea what to do with an infant.

And she was feeling a little guilty that she assumed that Pike should figure it out.

“Right, I’ll just go get him a bottle then.” Pike said when no one else appeared to do anything. The bottle did quit the baby down for a short while, but the infant began screaming again just afterwards. Pike was trying to hold the baby on the arm but it looked extremely uncomfortable for both of them.

“Are you sure you should hold him like that, sir?” Michael asked from the engineering station.

“Do you want to swap?” Pike asked flatly. “No, you appear to be handling this just fine, sir.” Michael said and looked down to the panel again, suppressing a snicker.

“Just focus on getting us out of here,” Pike said in the middle of trying to move the infant to his other arm while still supporting the head. The infant was still completely red in the face screaming at him with everything it got and appeared to be in some sort of permanent cramp.

Michael couldn’t concentrate, before she moved up and wrestled the infant out of Pike’s hand. That did not make it stop. She stared at the infant in desperation. 

“Did you change his diaper?” Michael asked loudly in between the screams, realising that it was somewhat difficult to balance the infant’s head and limp form.

“Yes,” Pike answered annoyed. The baby kept screaming, wriggling around and punched holes in the air with his small fists. The infant’s face was all swollen and red, in a contrast to the white onesie they had put him in.

Michael pushed the infant into Pike’s hands again. “I’ll go restart the engines.” Michael said, turning around.

“Good idea.”

“Can you estimate how long time before we reach the Kelvin?” Pike asked, and tried to arrange the infant better, it didn’t appear to be working.

“Our wrap drive is damaged; we cannot fly with top speed. My estimate would be 42.3 hours.” The infant began screaming even higher again. Pike looked a little desperate at this point.

Michael wondered if it would be considered wrong to sedate it.

———\/———

Pike had graciously allowed Michael to go have some sleep in the back of the flyer, with ear plugs. It was implied that he was worried about her not getting enough sleep and taking stims to stay awake.

She did appreciate his concern. And was pretty grateful that he volunteered to take the first shift with the crying baby.

Pike must have calmed the infant down at some point during the night. He was leaned back in the pilot’s chair, for a moment she thought that he was asleep too. The baby was sprawled on top of him, and did appear to be sleeping.

“Shh, James just fell asleep.” Pike mouthed to Michael. Michael wanted to comment that she thought that the child should not be sleeping on him. He should be on the bio-bed. But she was pretty sure that Pike would not welcome any comments in that direction.

“His name is James?” Michael asked. “How do you know?” She sat down next to them, studying the infant.  
“I scanned his information bracelet.” Pike pointed at the small white strip that was placed on the infant’s arm. The tiny hand was currently closed around the fabric in Pike’s uniform.

“Cute,” Michael wondered when Pike had found time for that. “Shouldn’t he be on the bio bed?” She asked. Pike didn’t move, just leaned further back and moved the blanket up to cover the back of the sleeping baby.

“You are welcome to try, every time I move him, he wakes up.” Pike said looking down and studied the infant’s face. Now more normal coloured, he looked actually kind of sweet.

Michael decided not to try.


	13. Diving Deep (part III)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos :-)

Pike was contemplating why he was the one who had to take care of the baby and Michael was the one handling the shuttle. It was not until noon when he decided that since James was actually asleep on the bio-bed and Michael did seem a bit less fidgety around him that he could get a few hours of sleep.

They were on a rendezvous course with the Kelvin. Michael was a commander in Star Fleet on a generational ship; there was absolutely no reason why she would not have the situation under control.

It was the late afternoon when Pike was awoken by arguing voices from the front part of the shuttle and a screaming child.

“What are you doing?” Pike asked still half asleep. James was screaming hysterically from the bio-bed. The doctor held out a baby cloth and a rattle in what, Pike would guess, must have been a futile attempt to try to distract the infant. Michael was currently in only her uniform pants, no bra, and a loose sleeveless undershirt with baby vomit on it.

Both the doctor and Michael stopped for a moment and looked at him like he had come from a strange planet.

“Hrrm…” The Doctor cleared his throat, which seemed unnecessary for a hologram. “As I was just explaining to Commander Burnham here,” He indicated towards Michael. “The infant needs physical skin to skin contact or he is going to be emotional detached and will have difficulty forming meaningful relationships later in life.” 

Pike stared point blank at him and then moved to look at Michael’s half-dressed state, to the still screaming infant, who no-one apparently was picking up.

“Really?” Pike asked with no real commitment and walked over to the infant; who’s high pitched screams was changed into hiccupping sounds when Pike picked him up.

“He…” Michael nodded at the infant, “…was trying to suck on my breasts.” “He is a baby; he is probably hungry.” The doctor huffed. “That is perfectly natural.” 

The baby was calming down as Pike moved it to rest against his chest. 

“Maybe I should sing for it, babies are very…” The doctor said, Pike was not in the mood for any singing and the baby didn’t look like he was either; he cut the doctor off.

“Okay, right, I am getting him a bottle. Commander, get dressed; we’ll leave the skin to skin contact to the parents back on the Kelvin. EMH deactivate.” Pike said. The doctor was about to protest as he was tuned off.

Michael, now in uniform, was gliding down in the co-pilot seat next to them, analysing him and the baby.

“I didn’t think you liked kids?” Michael asked finally, Pike eyed her annoyed. “I don’t.” Actually, he really didn’t know, he had never had to consider it, but by the looks of it she was even more uncomfortable around them than him.

He liked the concept of kids, not actual kids. It had never been one of his ambitions to have any. He had also not really been in a relationship that lasted long enough for it to come up.

“Do you regret…?” Michael asked slowly, he knew what she was referring to. 

“No, I don’t.” Pike said, maybe? He didn’t know either. He hadn’t actually thought of it like that. Besides, it felt way too personal to discuss this type of regrets with Michael. For reasons he did not want to contemplate.

Was she regretting never getting a family? He studied her, no, she already had one, he realised.

“I thought you were used to take care of Tilly’s daughter?” Pike asked.

Michael shock her head. “Not when she was a baby, it was only after…” Michael trailed off, making Pike even more curious.

“After what?” Pike asked, Michael looked down, having a feeling how that that story was going to end.

“Michael,” Pike asked in a more serious note, “who is Alex’s father?” He asked, Michael looked down.  
Assuming something bad had happened, would probably not be far off.

Michael sighed, and got up. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” She said. “Do you want me to take him?” Michael said trying to change the topic, indicating at the baby.

Yeah, that would be nice. Pike did need to check on the auto-pilot and update the heading. He moved the sleeping baby over to Michael with a shrug.

———\/———

Michael had been walking around with the screaming baby for around two hours. It didn’t appear to make any sort of difference what she did.

“How far until we are back?” Michael said a little desperate. She didn’t normally post irrelevant questions, but she knew very well that they had 14 hours left. The baby began to cry even louder. “I don’t think he likes me.” 

Pike was pretty certain that this was not a question on likes and dislikes. The baby probably missed his mother. Else maybe this was normal, he had no way of telling.

“I can move the ship in rocking motions, Commander.” Pike suggested in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Very funny, sir,” she said. She definitely didn’t think he was funny.

———\/———

Pike moved the flyer out of warp at a safe distance at where the Kelvin had last been. They also needed to make a plan on how to get the child back to the Kelvin without making too much of a fuss.

He looked back towards the bio bed, where the baby was finally sleeping again, Michael had curled up next to him. She had fallen asleep as well.

Pike couldn’t help but help to feel an intense tenderness towards her, she looked so fragile next to the baby.

Pike was sorry that he had to wake her up. He gently touched her arm.

Michael’s eyes flew up in shock. It had not been his intention to startle her, but she relaxed as soon as she saw him. Clearly relieved that it was Pike and not some unknown threat that had awoken her. She turned her eyes towards James, who was soundly sleeping next to her. James fortunately didn’t wake as she sat up on the bio-bed, and moved across the bedrails.

“Good morning, Commander,” Pike said calmly, “we are back at the Kelvin now.” She nodded, tiredly blinking a few times before accepting his hand to get over.

Michael followed him to the front.

“So, are we just going to hail them and ask if they have a missing passenger?” Pike asked, the baby was also beginning to wake up. He would probably begin to cry in a moment. 

“I think we should just beam him to their sickbay. Have they spotted us?” Michael asked. Pike had placed the flyer just on the other side of the debris field. 

The Kelvin had been making some repairs, but since they hadn’t moved, Pike would assume that their propulsion systems were still broken.

“They have not spotted us, but their shields are up. Their propulsion systems are still down.” Michael reported from the Science console.

“The transporter system of the flyer is faster than on twenty-third century ships, if I can read the frequency cycle of their shields, I can beam him in between the forward and the rear shield activation cycle.” Michael said, initiating a scan cycle of the Kelvin. The Kelvin was not in the visual range, but the advanced scanner was getting a full reading.

Pike nodded in agreement, Michael’s idea was not unheard off, Pike had just never tried transporter systems that was that fast. He was definitely getting happier and happier about the flyer.

“Let me check, okay, there it is. I have the frequency.” Michael said. The baby had woken and was beginning to cry again.

It felt strange that the infant was suddenly leaving them. Pike couldn’t help but feel a little sad about that. It was strange how one could grow attached to a child in such a short time.

“I have a lock on their sickbay.” Michael reported. Okay no time for regrets. “Beam him over.” Pike ordered, and stared at the infant disappearing from the bed.

Pike had to tell himself a couple of times that the Kelvin would be a lot better equipped to take care of the child, and most likely the parents were there, ready to take care of him.

Maybe he just needed to get some sleep.

———\/———

“So, how was the trip, did you locate the temporal disturbance?” Tilly asked both Michael and Pike in the debriefing.

Michael stared at Tilly tired, “Yes.”

Pike looked at her to see if she was going to get into more details, she didn’t. Michael looked tired, worn out, and a little unhappy, Pike didn’t think the mission had gone that bad. Possible she was just very tired.

“Maybe you should go get some sleep, Commander,” Pike said worried. Even if he probably had slept a lot less than her the past two days.

He made a brief update on the important parts of the mission, and left it at that.

“I think everything is fixed, before re-enforcement come to assist the Kelvin, we should leave the area.” He said, looking over the report on what had happened when they were away.

Lots of systems were off line again. And he had received numerous messages marked urgent.

“Is the warp drive operational?” Pike asked Reno, who nodded. “Good, get us out of here, I am going to bed.” He said calmly, getting up.

He definitely deserved some sleep at this point.

“You too, Burnham,” he said as she didn’t stood up.

Pike needed to go via the terminal in the ready room, he hoped that she would be sleeping when he got back.

———\/———

When Pike returned to their quarters, Michael was curled on top of her bed, her back was towards the room. She was wearing sleep wear but she was not sleeping.

“What is wrong?” Pike asked and unzipped his own uniform. She was crying with closed eyes. 

She didn’t reply. Pike sighed, at this point he wanted to sleep, but if she needed to talk, she needed to know that she could talk to him.

“Right, okay.” He said as calm as possible, and went to change clothes in the refresher. A moment later, he returned in sleepwear. Michael was still sobbing quietly into the duvet. It was most likely from exhaustion. 

“Do you miss taking Kiozaprine Theotinoin?” Pike asked un-committing, Michael didn’t turn around, but nodded very slowly. He had really hoped that it would get better for her, but while the physical withdrawal was over, maybe the reason of her taking the stimulants in the first place and the mental withdrawal phase wasn’t.

It was probably worse when she was tired.

Pike looked towards his own bed. He really wanted to sleep now. He looked back towards Michael, considering what to do. He was pretty exhausted himself. “Would you like me to hold you?” He asked, not really knowing what else to do or say.

He really didn’t feel that he was not very good with this type of thing.

Michael nodded again, still turned away from him, and hiccupped a few times. 

Pike lay down next to her on the bed, and moved to hold her from the back. Michael moved backwards and nuzzled into him. He could feel her relax and he moved his arm to rest on top of her.

“Chris, can you stay?” Michael whispered hoarsely, she meant in her bed. Of course, he could. “Sure, Michael,” he said: “Anything.” 

He meant it too, there wasn’t really anything he would not do for her. It felt somehow inadequate that this was all he could do.

“Lights 5%.” He said. Maybe she didn’t want to talk. Sleep sometimes worked better anyway.

———\/———

Pike was almost falling out when he awoke, Michael was sleeping next to him, she had rolled to her back, and was currently occupying most of the bed. Her skin was warm and she looked peaceful for once. He gave her a slight kiss on the forehead. 

She needed her sleep. Pike moved out of bed, careful not to wake her. Silently, he disconnected her alarm before he sneaked out. The worst part was that he would need to go to the mess hall to get breakfast.

The mess hall was mostly empty, a couple of civilians were chatting in the far end of the room and two ensigns were clearly discussing something work related. One of them looked up at Pike in surprise, but moved back to the discussion shortly afterwards.

Ensign Tilly and her daughter were sitting at a table next to the view port. Tilly looked like she was working on her PADD and the child looked like she was not eating any of her breakfast but was sliding off her chair towards the floor very very slowly. It looked intentional.

“Hallo ladies.” Pike interrupted. “Mind if I join you?” He asked pleasantly.

Tilly looked up surprised, then cast a glance in the girl’s direction. “Ehm, hi. Sure,” Pike took a seat next to Tilly opposite to the girl. The child was staring at him unhappily, rolling slowly backwards down the chair.

“I thought you had a replicator in your room?” He asked. It was more to make conversation. Of course, Tilly could use the ones in the mess hall, even if she had her own replicator. Pike was just surprised; it didn’t look like they were there for social interaction.

Tilly sighed, and stared at Alex as if she could will the child to not have moved to crawl around on the floor.

“Ehm no, Captain, I mean…” “Mom broke it.” Alex said from under the table. Tilly looked at her a little annoyed.

“I didn’t break it, sweetie, I’ll have it working again if I have time in the afternoon.” Tilly shot Pike an apologetic look.

“But you said that you broke it.” The girl protested. “Sweetie, we should talk about this at some other time.” Tilly said directed towards the girl.

“I did a firmware update that didn’t go according to plan.” Tilly clarified towards Pike. Pike looked surprised at her. He would have guessed that Tilly would be able to fix it herself.

“I had less time to finish with it than I thought.” She sighed. Tilly really did look busy. “Do you want me to send someone from engineering to take a look at it?” He asked. Pike would have offered to do it himself, but he honestly didn’t think that he would be able to fix it if Tilly couldn’t do it.

“Oh, would you? That would just be perfect, Captain, I mean, thank you, that would really be the best. I mean we had so many problems yesterday with dinner, and then I couldn’t get her any milk in the morning and…” She paused to draw in breath.

Alex stared at one of the legs of the chair in an apparent fit of boredom. “Alex, sit up,” Tilly said, and pulled Alex from the floor and on to the chair again, the girl immediately began sliding away.

There was an awkward pause.

Tilly looked like she suddenly remembered something.

“Where is Michael?” She asked. “Not that you have to know where is at all times, I mean, it is none of my business what you … I mean … never mind…” Tilly trailed off. 

“It is okay, Tilly. Commander Burnham is sleeping,” Pike said forgivingly. “Oh,” Tilly said.

Pike wanted to include the child in the conversation, but he had absolutely no idea what to talk to her about. She didn’t look like she would be interested in crew shift planning.

“Didn’t you put her on alpha shift?” Tilly asked.

“Yeah, I swapped her shift to beta.” He wouldn’t normally talk about his XO with any crew-members, but he had a feeling that it would probably be better just to tell Tilly the truth. Else no telling what she would do. 

Tilly looked surprised.

“How did you get her do agree to that?” Tilly asked taking a sip of her coffee. Pike didn’t respond. “Wow, I knew you were brave.” Tilly snickered. “She is going to kill you.” Making Pike look at her with some concern, since it hadn’t been his intention to upset Michael.

“I wrote her a message.” Pike defended himself. Tilly rolled her eyes.

“Well, if you fix my replicator, I’ll promise I’ll visit you in sickbay.”

“That is... hrm... very nice of you Ensign,” he said with some concern. And now he was really dreading Michael’s reaction.

Pike had really not intended to do anything that might upset her. But he was still the Captain, and he really didn’t need a second in command with a sleep deficiency.

Besides that, he really wanted Michael to be okay.


	14. Reduced to White Bones (part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos. Please stay home and stay safe.

_“People, who perished on the sea and had sunk to its depths, was now reduced to white bones in the arms of the polyps. Polyps held on to rudders and coffins, skeletons of terrestrial animals and a little mermaid whom they had entrapped and stifled.”_  
Hans-Christian Andersen, the little mermaid

She was late, Michael realised. Captain Pike had left at some point.

Someone had disconnected her alarm. If she had remembered to set it the day before. Pike had drawn up a new shift schedule, putting her on alpha shift. She found it annoying that he had probably disconnected her alarm.

She checked her messages. Captain Pike had written a surprisingly official one, stating that she had been temporarily moved to Beta shift.

She should be a lot angrier with him. But at this time, she couldn’t. 

After two days in shuttle with a minimum of sleep, she was nauseous and tired. Probably, she would need some nights of sleep to re-adjust her sleep cycles. Normally, she would just have used stims, but now that was no longer an option, as Captain Pike had pointed out.

She groaned when tumbling out of bed. It was half past ten, four and a half hour until Beta shift. For a moment she considered just going to her post, anyway. Senior officers on Star-ships covered their own shifts plus when needed.

But she felt uncomfortable with Pike being on the bridge. Why had she also cried in front of him the day before?

He probably thought she was completely non functional. And she didn’t even have the excuse of stim withdrawal anymore.

No, Captain Pike would prefer that she didn’t come to the bridge.

———\/———

Michael only saw Captain Pike shortly when she arrived for Beta shift. She thought he would stay. However, he just greeted her and looked like he had something important to do.

“Burnham, you have the bridge,” he said, giving her reassuring smile as he went up from the chair at her appearance. And giving her a slight touch on the shoulder as she passed him.

She had hoped that by appearing early, they would have had more time together on the bridge.

Apparently not.

“Where is Captain Pike going?” She asked Owo, who was walking around to the engineering station, to check something.

She shrugged, “I don’t know, I think he was going to help Tilly out with something.” Michael looked surprised towards Owo. “With what?” She asked. If Tilly had something she needed help with, she was a little disappointed that Tilly wouldn’t ask her fist, but Captain Pike. 

Michael moved back towards the command chair. Okay, making a mental note on checking up on Tilly after her shift.

———\/———

Michael was busted when she returned to her quarters for her dinner break. She still had five hours left. The Discovery really did need some serious maintenance, and a large portion of the crew had problems with the living quarters. 

And the nursing facilities needed an upgrade. The four oldest children, Alex included, should start with preparations for school. She had not even thought about that.

She was met with the surprising sight of Alex that was running around on top of her bed. 

“Eh, Good evening Tilly,” she greeted, and unfastened her uniform jacket. It appeared that Captain Pike and Tilly was eating dinner at their common table.

Michael sat down the chair where, she would have assumed, had been Alex’s spot. It seemed somewhat uncharacteristic of Captain Pike that he unsolicited should invite Tilly and her daughter for dinner.

Tilly got up apologetically. “Michael, eh, hi.” She exchanged a glance with Captain Pike, “I think we are finished,” Tilly said.

Alex was bouncing up, and down, her red hair was fluffed around her head. “Alex, we are leaving.” Alex kept on jumping. “But Mom, I want to play with Michael,” she whined. 

“Captain Pike is boring,” she whined on, Michael looked worriedly towards Pike, but he appeared to take the exclamation by the child with a sense of good humour.

Tilly began collecting the plates. It looked like they had had a spaghetti dish possible with a cheese sauce. Pike indicated that she didn’t have to do that.

“I’ll clean up, Ensign, don’t worry.” He gave Tilly a smile and looked at Alex, jumping up and down on the bed. She was making sounds that could only be interpreted as some sort of propeller sounds. 

Michael wanted to protest that Tilly didn’t need to leave, but Tilly was already collecting Alex’s sweater and shoes. 

She made suggestive eyes towards Michael and caught Alex mid jump and got her off the bed.

“Goodnight, Captain, Michael. Thanks for dinner,” she said and moved out.

Michael pulled off her jacket and began cleaning up the plates from the dinner. It looked like Alex had liked her food and had improved her use of knife and forks.

“What was that about?” She asked towards Pike, who shrugged. “Her food replicator was out of order, I invited them for dinner.” 

Michael hoped that Tilly hadn’t chosen to discuss hers and Captain Pike’s personal relationship. Suddenly nervous in what Tilly could have divulged to him.

“Oh…”

“Engineering has resources to repair it tomorrow.” Pike said. “So, how is Beta shift?” Pike asked. “Un-eventful” She sighed and went over to her bed, now Alex no longer used it as a trampoline.

She opted for perhaps fifteen minutes of sleep would be better than dinner. 

“Did you eat?” Pike asked surprised, while putting rest of the food and plates back in the replicator, and pressing “Repurpose.” 

She didn’t, and she just wanted to sleep at this point, He narrowed his eyes, sighed and went to retrieve his uniform jacket that had been placed on his bed.

Michael sat up, surprised. “Where are you going?”

“Covering for you for the rest of Beta shift,” Pike clarified. “Sleep tight, Commander.” And disappeared before she could protest.

It did also not make her feel any better. She felt inadequate. Now she couldn’t even complete a whole shift. She felt that Captain Pike had lost all confidence in her. She pushed her face into the pillow as she felt her face getting wet.

It was impossible for her to sleep, and she wanted to get back to the bridge, but the Captain’s lack of confidence in kept twirling around in her head.

———\/———

Michael had felt that she hadn’t had any chance to exchange more than a few words with Captain Pike for days; and she felt that despite them sharing quarters that he was avoiding her.

It didn’t help that he still had alpha shift, and she still had Beta shift.

She had considered asking him if she could change back to alpha shift, but she had troubles justifying why. Because she wanted to spend time with him? That was not a reason.

Michael leaned back in the command chair. The Discovery had continued problems with damaged systems, and they needed a space dock. It was however not easy to arrange, Michael knew.

Captain Pike had asked about whether there was somewhere they could go to get dry dock repairs done. However, as long as they were not authorised to do it, they could not return to the twenty-ninth century. Other time periods and federation ports were also out of the question.

There was also other reasons why Michael was reluctant for them to return to the twenty-ninth century. It had been two years. Star fleet was really not as it used to be in the twenty-ninth century. It was nearly as bad as the temporal agencies from the thirty-first century.

They should be glad that they hadn’t encountered any time-ships recently, it was only if they messed up that they should encounter temporal agents or temporal ships. 

Michael was on the bridge when they got the next jump location, it was an M-class moon in the Badlands. The jump was marked urgent. They never got urgent. Michael acknowledged Bryce and hesitated for a moment; it was five P.M.

“Captain Pike to the bridge,” she said to the communicator. He would probably prefer a heads up before she did the jump. 

Captain Pike entered shortly after Michael made space for him on the command chair. “Captain.” She nodded, “Burnham, so, what do we got?” 

“New jump destination, it’s in the Badlands, sir,” she reported and gave him the coordinates. “When?”

“We have to jump now, sir, the time lines might be changing.” Pike sighed and nodded.

“All right, Burnham.” Pike pressed the intercom. “Spore drive control, prepare temporal jump.” There was an excuse from the other end, it ending with a Lieutenant that finally acknowledged.

“How long?” Pike asked. “Fifteen minutes. We need to wake up Stamets.” Michael moved to the science station.

“Isn’t this very short notice?” Pike asked and glanced at Michael with a question. He hadn’t tried jumps where they were going anywhere urgently. They had had more notice on the other jumps, and they had seemed less urgent.

Michael worried too. They did not do top end missions. The temporal ships from the twenty-ninth century would do that. Discovery wasn’t equipped to handle severe threats to the timelines.

She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe they put in a wrong time stamp.” She guessed. 

“Is that likely?” Pike asked. 

She hoped, but it was definitely not likely.

“No,” Michael pressed her lips together. Presumably, no other ship was available. Pike sighed. “Okay, then.”

———\/———

The orange storm was interfering with their scanners after the jump. The ion storm tore at the ship, making it unstable. They manoeuvred into orbit of the moon. Michael’s scan did not pick up any unexpected anomalies. But of course, in the Badlands, a whole fleet of ships could hide out unnoticed.

“It is near the equator.” Michael magnified the coordinates. A dense shield of clouds preventing a visual inspection of the surface. But from her scans, Michael guessed that it wasn’t a pleasure planet.

“It is 278 degrees Kelvin, rainfall and windy conditions,” Michael reported. This did not look like it deterred Captain Pike.

“Perfect, let’s see what we find. Burnham, are you okay for a stroll in the rain?” Pike said confidently.

“Of course.” She wasn’t, but she definitely wanted to come. And she felt happy that Captain Pike would bring her, she always was, even if it was going to get cold and wet. 

“Wear a jacket and find two security officers to come with us,” Pike said, leaving for the transporter room. 

———\/———

“Shouldn’t you be wearing a hat? Your hair is going to get messed up, anyway.” Michael commented as Captain Pike greeted her on the way to transporter room. She pulled a grey thermal hat over her own hair.

Pike eyed her with something akin to annoyance. Possible he was a bit vain about his hair.

They were all four wearing thermal waterproof clothing. It should hold them warm and dry for the given conditions.

Pike checked his own phasor and fastened it to his belt.

“Garcia, Miller,” Pike greeted the security personnel waiting on the transporter PADD. Neither looked particularly thrilled at the prospect of the mission. That tended to be the spirit when thermo waterproof jackets were involved.

———\/———

The away team beamed down in a partly vegetated area. The vegetation was composed of high yellow reeds and canes forming a dense under forest. It was impenetrable except for a narrow path going through the reeds. Under them the soil was muddy and gooey. 

The chilly rain hit their faces. Michael pulled up her tricorder to check the direction of the coordinates. 

They struggled to get through the large yellow reeds, thick as an arm, swaying from side to side in the wind. Garcia walked in front. It was not far, but the conditions and the weather were making visual identification extremely difficult. 

Michael boots kept sticking to the thick dark brown clay. And the cold rain hit her in the face. During nightfall, the rain would probably transform into sleet or snow.

“There only appear to be limited wildlife,” She reported. The conditions of the moon was unpredictable.

There were some traces of an abandoned settlement four kilometres south of their current location. 

Seconds went past before the slippery mud made Garcia slip and glide around, disappearing before Michael could see him rolling and gliding down to a river bench.

Michael stopped; it would appear that the road had a steeper descent than Garcia had anticipated. She proceeded to follow him, but was more careful to move sideways and slowly down the slope.

“Stand back, Captain,” Michael said; no reason why all four of them should fall. Michael also slid herself on the slippery slope. In front of her was a small brown river, despite its size the current was fast and surging. Garcia moved to his knees, but kept sinking down in the mud.

Michael extended an arm but realised that she did not have the force to pull him all the way up. She had sunk down to almost the knee in the watery mud.

Captain Pike noticed her distress, and pulled out the wire from the survival kit in his belt, and had fastened it to the reeds. He pulled it down to Garcia and Michael fastened it to Garcia’s belt and helped him up.

Michael, who weighed less and was possibly more agile than Garcia, struggled herself out of the mud while Miller and Pike helped Garcia to safety on the hill.

Pike breathed out, relieved. Michael wiped mud from her face, sitting down for a moment. Her environment boots were holding.

Her fingers were dirty, and cold though, the jackets only covered her hand palms. But she was losing sensation in her fingertips.

They needed to go another way around. The coordinates appeared a little up the river on the river bench. However, the outlook was clouded by groups of dense gigantic canes.

They needed to go around seeing anything. Captain Pike was securing his wire again. “We need to go around.” Michael said, getting up from the ground. In vain, she tried to brush off mud from her trousers.

The tricorder didn’t register unusual, so whatever was at those coordinates was either organic or well hidden.

It did also appear that there were some life forms, possibly indigenous, in the river, but else the moon was desolate. The rain had almost stopped but had left a mass of mud and water in its wake.

In the muddy soil, the dense forest of reeds was almost a blessing, even if they had to fight their way through, there was something to hold on to. Michael opted to go first as Garcia was clearly not careful enough and furthermore he looked a little shaken.

Michael was grateful that Pike was not insisting on being in front. She convinced herself that it was because of protocol. It was also a chance to prove herself to him.

A few hundred metres before they neared the river again. The cold air was biting in Michael’s face as she turned back to ensure that the others were following her.

“I think it is down there,” Michael said, pointing towards the cold dark water. She hoped that they didn’t have to get out in the water. An object flickered in and out of existence.

Sometimes it was there, sometimes not, a grey mass of some sort. It looked like a shuttle sitting half buried in the muddied water at the shore of the river.

It might be a malfunctioning cloaking device. As the ship blinked into existence for a fraction of a second, the tricorder showed an energy surge.

“I think it is cloaked,” Michael said, she handed the tricorder to Captain Pike to get his opinion. Standing on a narrow hill, staring on what appeared to be a hole in the water.

If Michael was to assess the craft, it was around ten metres in length based on the hole it was leaving in the river bed. 

As she could only guess on the shape based on the area, which it suppressed around the mud, water and between the tall reeds and canopies. Michael would guess that it was a temporal shuttle, possibly smaller than Epoch class.

“That was why we couldn’t register it.” She clarified. Captain Pike nodded. “Well, we can’t tow it back to the Discovery when it doesn’t register.” He said and gave the tricorder back to Michael, who fastened it to her belt again.

“If we can get inside it, maybe we can disengage the cloaking and get Discovery’s tractor beam to pull it out.” Pike suggested, Michael nodded.

The slope didn’t look welcoming, but as the only way to get down to the ship, Michael half slid, half struggled herself down again. It was too slippery for anything else.

Pike shrugged and followed her. It gave a thump as her boots hit the invisible metallic hull; Pike followed a second later.

Michael put a boot into the mud between the shore and what look like an indentation in the flowing water. She struggled to walk as she walked beside the ship, feeling her way through the invisible hull.

Michael breathed out, relieved, “I have the hatch” she said towards Captain Pike.

In space there was not much idea in locked outdoor hatch doors. They should be able to open it.

Michael’s fingers cramped in the icy water, and she realised that she didn’t have the motor strength to make it budge. The mud made it slippery, and her hands were cold. It was meant to be opened in non-wet conditions and not with cold and muddy hands.

None of which conditions were met.

Pike had moved next to her. She waded to the side to allow him room to open it, her balance being only supported by the side of the ship’s hull. 

Like her, Pike was feeling his hands along the invisible ship, getting to the hatch and was more successful than her. 

Over the surging river, the sound of the pressure equalisation gave a faint hiss as the shuttle depressurized. The invisible shuttle shifted position on the river bed.

The mass of the shuttle rolled towards her, and she could feel her left boot getting trapped between it and the muddy shore. She had already been knee-deep; and she could feel a dull pain of her leg being caught.

Captain Pike had been faster than her and had moved further on the shore.

“I am stuck,” Michael said. Captain Pike took a hold on her arm and tried to pull her up. But as he had limited leverage, it didn’t work. The ship was stably lodged into the mud, and it wasn’t budging.

Captain Pike moved around the end of the ship, into the river. To get leverage to pull her across the hull instead. The brown river water flushed around him, reaching to his knees. He struggled around in the current and reached his hands to hold both of her wrists.

The change in angle helped and Michael could feel her foot dislodging as he pulled her out across the invisible hull.

As her additional weight pushed across the nose of the ship, she slit across gaining momentum, making him lose his footing in the cold water.

The current pulled him into the river and Michael could feel his fingers slipping as Captain Pike was finally pulled under and disappeared in the roaring stream.

Michael’s heart galloped away, and she moved her arm outstretched in the direction of the roaring water, as if Captain Pike would suddenly come above water again and reach it.

Michael felt for a second that she hesitated, before she moved across the hull of the ship and followed Captain Pike into the cold water. The chance of reaching him in the sourcing water was infinitely small.

But for that moment of doubt, she felt more that she couldn’t live without him; that she would prefer to follow him into certain death than to live on when he was not with her.


	15. Reduced to White Bones (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos :-)

Pike was drowning. Darkness and coldness wrapped him in a blanket. The river pulled him along, and for an eternity only water filled his lungs when he inhaled.

The current dragged him around and around, and he could not find the direction towards the surface.

———\/———

A shadow hovered above Pike. Someone held him while he twitched around in panic. Something prevented him from breathing.

His eyes couldn’t focus, but he knew who it was. It was her, Michael; she bent over him, resuscitating him. She held onto his nose, while blowing air into his already filled lungs. He tried to suppress the urge to fight her hand.

His body protested her efforts as his own respiratory system tried to take over. He coughed. A weight was put into his lungs, which made breathing impossible. He coughed again, desperately. The cough was followed by vomiting brown river water. 

Michael came into focus as she helped him to roll over.

Finally, Pike was able to draw breath in. He struggled one hand up to hold her arm, to know that she was really there. Michael’s hand was resting on the back of his neck. Her expression was filled with relief as she caressed him with her thumb.

Pike struggled to sit up, and moved his right hand to her face, making sure she was not a figment of his fevered mind.

Michael had pulled him out of the river, he realised. Michael held his head against her shoulder. And she let her hand run through his wet hair. Pike allowed himself to lean into her for a moment in relief. It felt good. It was safe.

“You were right, I should have worn a hat,” Pike commented.

Or a spacesuit. 

Michael gave out a pained chuckle. She looked battered, and muddy. Drops of water ran across her face.

In an educated guess, he would think he looked a lot worse than her. Michael was still the most beautiful woman. And she had saved him.

They appeared to be on the opposite side of the river now. The landscape consisted of taller, more tree-like growths, which formed a less dense forest.

“Have you hailed the Discovery?” Pike asked, they were both in risk of hypothermia and they had gotten away from both Garcia and Miller and the ship.

Michael looked serious. “They are not responding; it may be interference from the ion storms in the Badlands,” she said.

This was not good.

The temperature was dropping, and they were both drenched through. The thermal wear acted like a wetsuit, but in its wet state it wouldn’t keep them warm through the night.

His stomach hurt, half from his lungs and half from having swallowed the dirty river water. He assessed Michael. She too was drenched and her hands shook as she pulled herself up.

“Can you stand?” Michael asked him.

That was unclear to him as well. “Hopefully.”

Michael pulled him up anyway. His legs were shaking, but the ground was firmer on this side of the river, and they were no longer sinking into it. The rain had stopped.

Pike pressed his communicator. “Garcia, Miller, do you copy?”  
“Captain, thank God. Is Commander Burnham with you?” He could hear Miller on the other end.

“Affirmative Ensign, it appears that we are stranded on the other side of the river than you.”

Pike could in twilight recognise anything on the opposite shore.

“We have managed to get into the shuttle to deactivate the cloaking device, it does appear to be non functioning, but empty. It looks like the pilot exited it in a hurry.” Miller reported on the still open channel.

No saying where the pilot was. But at least they could beam up as soon as they got into contact with Discovery.

“Miller, can you contact Discovery from there?” Pike asked. “Negative, they have grown silent.”

Of course. Damn it.

“Keep trying, and keep us posted, Pike out.” He said and exchanged a worried glance with Michael.

Their breath was making clouds in the air, showing that the temperature had dropped further.

Their wet suits were not helping matters. They needed to find shelter and somewhere to dry their clothes.

“Wasn’t there an abandoned settlement somewhere?” Pike asked. So far this whole damn moon was water and mud and dirt. Not a dry spot in sight. Michael pulled out her tricorder and scanned.

“Two kilometres and 14 metres in that direction,” she said and pointed downriver. Captain Pike seriously hoped that there was something useful for them to stay in, else it would be long five hours before sunup.

Pike also hoped that Miller and Garcia were safely inside the shuttle. Because they really shouldn’t try to cross the river.

He could say that from firsthand experience.

Pike fought against the urge to just sit down. The sensation of his legs and feet was impaired, and he staggered next to Michael, fighting to keep up. To his embarrassment, she noticed his distress and moved to support him, pushing his arm over her shoulders.

Even more embarrassing was that he probably wouldn’t have made it without her. Pike could still taste mud and stale water in his mouth, and he was lightheaded and his legs were threatening to budge under him.

———\/———

Pike thought that he was losing consciousness again when Michael stopped. He barely had enough energy to ask why they stopped and if she was all right. 

Michael was fighting with everything she got too, and he was certain that they wouldn’t make it, when he realised that they had made it to the settlement.

In the twilight, the settlement was only partly visible, it consisted of square shelters. They were distributed near each other in a formation. With a final push, Michael pulled herself and him inside the nearest one.

Pike didn’t realise the extent of how exhausted Michael was, before she too collapsed on the floor next to him. 

The only reason he knew that Michael was still conscious because she held a hand on the back of his neck, nuzzling him in a comforting gesture. He liked it.

Pike responded by extending a hand to caress her cheek.

She collected her strengths before she finally let go of him and staggered to her knees and pointed with her flashlight at the elevation of rocks in the middle of the shelter. 

“I think we should be able to warm those with the phasor,” she said slightly out of breath. He didn’t think he had the strength to even speak, he nodded.

The sodden rocks appeared to have functioned as a fireplace. Directly above was a square vent, not large enough for preventing the shelter from filling with smoke. If anything was dry enough to catch fire, that was.

The pile of stones gave out an orange glow as Pike fired his phasors with against it. The stones gave out a hissing sound as the moisture evaporated.

Pike felt the heat against the cold skin of his face. His fingers began to sting as warmth returned to them. His legs began cramping as Michael began helping him out of his cold and wet clothes. He should help her as well, but at this point his body was betraying him.

Firing their phasors on the stones wouldn’t last them anymore than an hour max before they would have to repeat.

———\/———

He had a fever, Pike realised. The mouldy taste of the mud was nauseating in his mouth, and he was sweating. He was rolled into one of the thermal lightweight blanket they had in their kit.

Swallowing dirty river water on a backwater moon in the Badlands was probably not a very good idea.

The ground was uncomfortably hard, and his stomach and head hurt.

Pike’s face was levelled with Michael’s. She had huddled herself together with him on the thin thermal blanket that served as a bed. She had open eyes and was observing him, and she gave him a weak smile. She put her hand on top of his, interlacing their fingers.

He began coughing again.

Michael helped Pike to sit. Her skin was frigid against his, but he realised that he was the one being too warm. If he was to guess, he had a chemically induced pneumonia. Michael moved an icy hand over his bare upper arm; it made him shiver. “Do you need to throw up again?” Michael asked calmly.

Probably. Pike shock his head despite not being sure; he was pretty nauseous.

“I’ll be really upset if you throw up on me,” Michael commented. He would be too.

Michael sighed and fired the phasor at the stones in the middle of the room again to reheat them. She then got up to get their clothes that were hanging over the warmed stones.

If it was already dry, he had been out for some time, Pike realised. He groaned as he forced himself to get up and putting on this thermal outer clothes again. Every muscle in his body protested. Adrenaline was the only reason he could stand up at this point.

“Still nothing from the Discovery?” Pike asked. She shook her head. “No, but Garcia checked in. They are still in the shuttle.” Pike nodded and hoped that they were somewhat safe.

And if Pike was completely honest, he really hoped that they didn’t have to spend any longer than necessary on this mud-puddle of a moon.

Michael opened the door to the shelter. Sunlight indicated that the brief night had ended. She stood in the doorway looking at the tricorder.

“I am reading another life-sign,” she said, walking out of the shelter. “It might be the pilot.” Pike heeled her.

The daylight revealed the rest of the shelters of the abandoned settlement. They were old and battered but looked intact, probably made of a material designed for this environment.

The original colour of the shelters was impossible to identify; now they were the same colour as the rest of the moon, dirty and covered in dark algae.

———\/———

Michael had moved in a path in front of him, moving forward in a tactical advancement pattern. Pike did not trust his own reflects and followed her, going from cover of the shelters to the next.

Michael indicated that the life-form should be straight ahead and behind the next shelter, Pike followed her lead.

A man appeared behind it; he was an elderly-looking gentleman in a dark blue full environmental suit.  
In hindsight, probably a better choice of clothes than what Michael and he were wearing.

He had long shaggy grey brown hair. As Michael’s eyes locked with his, she lowered her phasor in recognition. Pike followed suit.

The person looked unsurprised to see them.

“Captain Braxton,” Michael said. “Captain Burnham,” he greeted back. “Commander, actually, I demoted myself,” she said and secured her phasor in the belt again.

“Well, that’s novel.”   
  
Michael indicated towards Pike. “This is our new Captain, Christopher Pike. Captain, this is Allan Braxton, retired.”

The way Michael said retired made Pike think it was up for debate.

Braxton gave Pike a nod.

“Let me guess that it was you that sent us that mission request?” Michael asked. This person didn’t look like an official Star fleet channel. At least Pike would assume.

“Yes, but then the Aeternitas showed up, and I had to scramble atmospheric communication so they couldn’t locate me.” Braxton more babbled than explained.

“The Aeternitas?” Michael asked in surprise, tightening her grip on her phasor. “What did you do?” She asked, warningly. Whatever the Aeternitas was, it didn’t sound like something Michael was thrilled of meeting.

Michael sighed. “Actually, I don’t care, where is your scrambler?” “You don’t understand, the commanding officer of the Aeternitas is crazy, he is going to kill me.” Michael rolled her eyes, and began patting down Braxton, in an attempt to locate the scrambler herself.

“Oi, oi, I don’t have it on me,” Braxton lied, moments before Michael pulled out a small metallic cylinder.

“Like this one?” Michael said, waiving it in front of him.

“He has temporal psychosis; you have to believe me,” Braxton said. “Eh, hem!” Michael said and concentrated on the cylinder’s control.

“I have disconnected it.” Michael concluded, and Pike pressed his communicator. “Pike to Discovery, do you copy?” He asked. “This is the Discovery, Captain?” He could hear Bryce on the other end.

“Bryce, can you lock on five signatures for beam up?” Pike asked. “Reno here, Captain. I have five now, two appear to be about 3 kilometres northeast of your location.”

Michael was pursing her lips. She stared angrily at Captain Braxton as they beamed up.

———\/———

Garcia and Miller appeared on the transporter PADD next to them. They looked annoyingly well-heated.

“Garcia, Miller, put Captain Braxton in a holding cell,” Michael ordered as they materialised on the PADD. If Pike had not felt like he was dying, he would have asked Michael about Braxton.

“Oi, hands off.” The elderly man complained as Garcia and Miller pulled him in under each arm. “Monitor him at all times.” She continued.

Braxton looked back with a strange expression that was not easily readable. But at least he wasn’t putting up a fight.

Captain Pike began coughing again. It was getting worse, and something was burning away in his lungs.

“You should go to sickbay, Captain,” Michael said softly. It was raised as a suggestion, but Pike was sure he couldn’t refuse.

He nodded; definitely was lightheaded.

———\/———

“You’re making footprints on the floor.” Doctor Pollard said as Pike entered sickbay. But followed him to a bio bed anyway, sitting him down. He was coughing.

“What happened to you?” “I drowned,” He said. “I can see that.”

She scanned him. “You have mud in your stomach and lungs.” Pollard said like nothing could surprise her at this point. He knew that. “You should feel better once it is removed.”

He was about to ask how she was going to do that, when she handed him an emesis bowl and without warning gave him a hypo spray to the neck.

Next time he would ask for Doctor Culber.

———\/———

Doctor Pollard had been gracious enough to put his thermal jacket in the incineration unit. The rest of his clothes could go the same way. He hoped they wouldn’t need thermal outerwear anytime soon again.

To Pike’s surprise, Michael was at their room when he went back to get a bath. Doctor Pollard had graciously suggested a decontamination shower in sickbay. He had graciously declined and insisted on going back to his own shower.

Where there would be hot water. And no vomit-inducing hypo sprays. To Pollard’s defence, after she had given him that and one for the fever, he was actually a lot better.

By the looks of it, Michael had returned only moments before. She was struggling with her dirty shirt. The zipper was stuck with dried mud. Michael held a small break and looked up surprised at him.

“Hi,” she said softly and gave him a worried smile. He was glad that she looked happy to see him.

“Hi,” he said back.

She looked beautiful. Even in her muddy and worn-out state, there was no-one he wanted more than her.

Pike went into her personal space and helped her. Forcing the zipper open, she put a hand on top of his, giving him a thanking squeeze.

All the stress and the longing Pike had felt for her culminated. He moved into her and kissed her. Michael moved her other hand to the side of his face and opened her mouth eagerly for him. She put the other hand to his back, moving closer and deepened the kiss.

Michael began hungrily undressing him; she had more success with his shirt than her own.

“Bath,” Pike gasped, they were both dirty, and the mud had dried in their hair. She nodded as he helped her out of her shirt and underwear. He caressed her hips and moved her backwards towards the refresher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Braxton has a first name in Star Trek canon, so I took the liberty to give him one (first name of the first actor who played him).


	16. Reduced to White Bones (part III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos :-)

Michael relaxed under the warm water while Pike held her from behind, trailing kisses on her neck. It gave her an electric tingling as he moved his thumb along her spine, caressing it. Lingering on the small of her back. 

Without being able to help herself, Michael let out a low moan, as Pike moved his hand further down and in between her legs. The adrenaline of the mission and the relief that he was all right, made her jitter.

The luxurious warm water washed away the dirt and cold. 

Pike’s muscled chest rubbed against her back as he began kissing her shoulder. Slowly, he removed his hand, making it slide along her waist.

“Can I…?” He asked while waiting for permission. Yes, he definitely could. Her permission came out like a low moan of: “Please, Chris.”

Her control became completely undone as he pushed himself into her. Even over the overly warm water, she could feel the heat emanating from his body. 

Michael could feel Pike’s warm breath against her neck, as he moved into her again, moving the back of his hand teasingly over her breasts at the same time.

“You are amazing,” Pike whispered into her ears. He was close to finishing. Moving his mouth to kiss the side of her neck, just below her ear.

She came, struggling to still stand up, only moments before him. He panted and held both arms around her as he finished.

Pike turned her around, capturing her mouth again, and lifted her up as she moved her legs around his waist. He was hungrily kissing her.

The water stopped and Michael realised that he had switched to the sonic. It dried them and massaged their skin, as Pike moved a finger down her back. She trembled.

Trailing kissing over the side of her neck as he carried her back to bed. Pike gave her a slow kiss and gently put her down on her back and slid his hands to her thighs.

Michael could feel him getting hard again, as he pressed against her inner leg. She ached for him, as he caressed her face and kissed her neck, moving his mouth to her breasts sucking a nipple. As he moved a finger inside her. It was not enough anymore.

“I need you ...” she gasped, wanting him, needing him.

Pike pushed himself inside her again. She caressed his well-trained chest as he hovered above him. Staring into his endless blue eyes. His hair was still wet and slightly wavy, but he looked clean, after the cakes of mud had been washed out.

He was moving in slow, gentle motions. Savouring every minute.

Michael let out a breath as she reached her climax and he finished after her and rolled to the side, grinning happily towards her.

She loved him so much; she realised. If she had been braver, she would have told him.

Gently rolling into his warm embrace. His warm arms closed around her, and he placed a kiss on the top of her head, before she drifted to sleep.

———\/———

Michael’s communicator woke her. She untangled herself from Captain Pike and answered it.

“The Aeternitas just showed up. They are hailing us...” Bryce said.

“Stall them, the Captain and I are on our way,” she said. She had wondered when Aeternitas would turn up. Braxton had temporal psychosis and he would be confused about future events.

Especially events about his own time-line. He might also remember snippets of his future, if it included himself.

Braxton had clearly believed the Aeternitas had already arrived when it had not happened yet.

Captain Pike also got up and quickly redressed. Michael wondered how much she would need to fill Pike in before they got involved in this. If there was something she had learnt, it was that getting involved in these things ended badly.

She hoped that someone was monitoring Braxton.

They were in a hurry, but she stopped the turbo lift, anyway.

“Captain, there is something you need to know,” Michael said.

“Allan Braxton is Alex’s father,” she confessed. Pike gave her a quizzing look.

“Excuse me?” 

“He was our temporal liaison officer for three years. After Saru died,” Michael clarified. Saru’s death was a painful memory, and the years following had been difficult for both her and Tilly.

Pike still looked doubtful.

“He looked different back then,” Michael elaborated.

“Why have you not told me this before?” Pike asked after a break, Michael was uncomfortable with his obvious disappointment.

Because she had hoped it wouldn’t come up? She didn’t know. She should have said something.

“Does Tilly know he is on board again?” Pike asked, sliding his palm across his face. 

This was a mess.

She pursed her lips, Michael worried for Tilly too, it was a small ship, and gossip spread quickly, she had planned to go to Tilly as soon as she was certain that Alex was in daycare. She also needed to protect Alex from this.

“Yes.”

Pike looked relieved. He pursed his lips.

“Thank God for that.”

———\/———

Michael entered the bridge just after Captain Pike. The orange winds of the Badlands were lighting up the screen.

However, the most prominent feature of the view-screen was the huge grey USS Aeternitas. The ship comprised a central triangular disc with enormous arms holding the warp drive nacelles to the sides. The name and the registration number visible.

It was the temporal flagship. When the flagship showed up, it didn’t matter. If you got close enough to read the registration number, your time-line was likely going to get terminated.

If it impressed Pike, he didn’t show it.

“Hail them,” he said. “This is Fleet Captain Pike of the USS Discovery, please state your intend,” he said. Before the commanding officer of the Aeternitas answered.

It was a younger version of Braxton; he was wearing Commodore insignia.

“This is the USS Aeternitas, I am Commodore Braxton, we know you have the fugitive Captain Braxton on board. Expect a security detail to transport of the prisoner,” Commodore Braxton ordered.

He cut off communications.

“Family?” Pike asked Michael hopefully.

“No, it’s the same person as the Braxton we are currently in holding cell 2. He has been going back and forth in his own time-line so many times that _he_ probably can’t even keep up,” she said.

She hadn’t known Braxton was in charge of the Aeternitas, though. Last she heard of him, he was in an institution, or rather several versions of him were in an institution kept rigorously apart.

“Captain, it makes little sense to send the Aeternitas after Braxton. Maybe we should talk to him before we hand him over.” It was way overkill in her view, something was wrong.

Pike nodded and gave a worried glance at the enormous time ship hanging just outside.

———\/———

Captain Braxton was organising the items on his food tray in a very eclectic way, when Pike and Michael arrived to interrogate him. 

“So,” Michael sat down in front of him at the table. “We met the commanding officer of the Aeternitas: Commodore Braxton.” 

“Yes, yes, that is it, you can see how crazy he is.” Captain Braxton did not appear particularly sane at the moment either. And his temporal psychosis looked like it had overtaken him completely.

“He is you,” Michael said flatly. Braxton waved his hand.

“No, no, no. I mean, he should have been me, but he isn’t.” Michael tried to not roll her eyes.

He was him from a different time-line. This was why it was a terrible idea to interfere in one’s own time-line.

“He is taking you to a rehabilitation facility,” Michael said.

“Oh, no, no, no. He is not. That traitor sold me out to them.” Braxton’s eyes rolled around in its sockets.

“Who are they?” Pike asked. Very possibly _they_ were, whoever _they_ were, a figment of Braxton’s imagination. He seemed more out of it than Michael had expected.

“It is them, the temporal conspiracy, and Commodore Braxton is in league with them, uh, I know it,” Braxton said, rolling around with his food. Interrogating him might be a fruitless endeavour. He was so far into the psychosis that he couldn’t separate past from present and future from past.

His eyes went wild, and he looked Michael in the eyes, saying seriously: “They are starting a temporal war.” 

Michael sighed, more convinced that either this was one of Braxton’s ruses, or if he believed that himself, he was more sick than she had thought.

“Listen, Allan, you have temporal psychosis, you need to be in a rehabilitation facility,” Michael reasoned. Braxton was making his condition worse by travelling in time, interacting with himself.

It was suspicious that Commodore Braxton wasn’t more worried about it, since he was the one that contrary to regulation had been sent to deal with an alternative reality version of himself.

“Where is Sylvia? I want to talk to her.” Braxton looked to the side, refusing to meet her eyes. Michael was reluctant to draw Tilly into this. Pike looked at Michael and then towards Braxton.

“Tilly is not going to talk to you,” Michael said. Tilly hadn’t mentioned Braxton for a long time, and Michael hoped that she was getting over him. He had begun to show irregular behaviour already then, and then he had crushed Tilly’s heart when he left.

It was before Alex’s two-year birthday, when Braxton had left; he had not offered Tilly a posting on his new ship. The last they had heard from Braxton was a message from his previous second in command that he had had a temporal accident. Tilly had not taken it well.

Tilly wouldn’t be pleased that two versions of Braxton had materialised.

Braxton crossed his arms and leaned back.

“I have to warn Sylvia. He is taking Alexandra with him.”

Michael assumed that Braxton meant his counterpart. Sighing, in a moment Commodore Braxton would turn up. She pressed her communicator.

“Tilly, Braxton claims that he wants to tell you something. We are with him in holding cell 2.” There was a pause before she answered.

Michael felt terrible that she was doing this, but certain that Tilly would feel worse if she didn’t. But Tilly being Tilly, she would not refuse.

Tilly’s voice trembled.

“I am coming.” Pike glanced at Michael. Not necessarily approving on calling Tilly to talk to the prisoner.

———\/———

“Allan,” Tilly said, she was ashen in the face.

“Sylvia,” Braxton got up, waiving with his arms wildly.

“What is going on, what’s happened to him?” Tilly asked Michael.

It shocked her, Michael had been shocked too when she saw him. It was not only his age, but he was so far from the youthful Commander Braxton that had once served as their liaison officer, as could be.

“You need to tell them I am not crazy,” Braxton said. He looked very crazy. “They are going to kill me; he is going to kill you.”

Tilly went to Braxton trying to calm him down; she placed a hand on each side of Braxton’s arm in an effort to make him sit down again.

“Allan, you are not making any sense.” Pike also stood up and assisted Tilly in making Braxton sit.

“Who wants to kill me?” Tilly asked. She was the bravest person Michael knew, but right now she was scared.

“Commodore Braxton, of course. He wants to change his own time-line, so he never meets you.” Braxton tried agitated to argue.

“But I’ve already meet him, I mean you, I mean... This is very confusing. There are two of you here?”

“No, he will change the time-line, you will never have existed,” Braxton made his eyes big, and reaching towards Tilly.

“But what about Alex?” Tilly asked, looking faint. From appearance, Tilly might believe him.

“He is going to take her,” Braxton said.

If Braxton’s aim was to scare Tilly, he was succeeding. In Michael’s opinion Braxton was a confused individual, and it was a mistake exposing Tilly to this lunacy.

Pike apparently thought the same thing. He looked at Tilly, saying. “No one is going to hurt you or take your daughter. Michael, escort Captain Braxton off the ship.” Michael nodded, pulling at Braxton.

“Oi, oi, oi. I need to warn Sylvia.” Braxton screeched. “I think she is warned.” Michael said, pulling harder at Braxton. Before he wrestled himself away from her. Pushing himself into Tilly, placing his lips next to her ears. Michael couldn’t make out if he said something or tried to kiss her.

Captain Pike and Michael both pulled Braxton towards the door. It left Tilly shaking and leaning on the table.

Both held a firm grip on the man when they dragged him out.

———\/———

Michael and Pike was contacted by Commodore Braxton again, when they were back on the bridge. The Aeternitas was ready to leave, and Braxton looked self-satisfied.

Michael felt justifyingly angry with him. 

“Fleet Captain Pike, I am happy that you have found Captain Braxton, we will transfer him to a suitable rehabilitation centre in the appropriate time-period and remove the shuttle he stole,” Commodore Braxton reported over the communications channel.

Pike didn’t look like he was as pleased as the Commodore.

“And I hoped that you might say goodbye to Sylvia and Alexandra from me.” There it was. Pike sighed. “Do you…” He looked towards Michael. “… wish to talk to them yourself?” 

“No, I do not believe that is necessary,” Braxton said. The incongruity was not lost to Michael.

Pike cut off the communication.

———\/———

Michael felt horrible she didn’t have time to talk to Tilly immediately after.

Tilly was frantically pushing on the control panel, not looking up when. She entered the spore drive control room. Pretending not to see her.

Michael positioned herself in front of the panel, trying to get Tilly’s attention. Despite the pace in which Tilly was opening different menus on the control panel, it didn’t appear like she was doing anything.

“Tilly?” Michael asked, no response, just more frantic pushing of buttons. “Tilly, stop.” Michael moved closer. Realising that she couldn’t get Michael to leave, she looked up. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had an expressing of hurt. If it was up to Michael, there was no way that Braxton coming anywhere near Alex or Tilly again.

“We have escorted him off the ship, Tilly.” Michael said, hoping that the knowledge that Braxton was gone for good might help. 

It didn’t.

She hiccupped in an attempt to not start crying. “It is not like…” She dried her nose. “I want him to leave. I want him to get better…” She looked away, possibly to stop an emotional outbreak.

“And I just can’t stop hating him.” Michael thought of Ash Tyler. “Am I an awful person?” She stopped and looked at Michael, searching for an honest answer.

No, Tilly wasn’t an awful person.

Michael shook her head.

“You are not.” Tilly stopped her futile pushing the panel. “Have they left?” Tilly asked. Michael debated whether she should tell Tilly that Commodore Braxton had left without wanting to see her.

She decided that the information was needless.

“Yes, the Aeternitas left thirty minutes ago.” Tilly looked unhappy. “He gave me something.” She then whispered.

It confused Michael for a moment. “When Allan kissed me, he gave me this.” To Michael's surprise, Tilly pulled out a toothpick-sized metal pin.

Michael took it with two fingers. “It looks like a toothpick.” Michael said.

“He gave me a toothpick.” Tilly said flatly, looking like she might be able to see it from a humorous point of view. It was an absurd gesture.

Tilly began laughing. “He hasn’t seen me for like fifty years and he gives me a toothpick.” Michael began laughing with her. Braxton had a mental condition. It was bad laughing. 

At this point it was instead of crying.

There might be something hidden on it.

“Did you scan it?” Michael asked. 

“Of course, it is really just a toothpick.” It was strange, it had to have some significance, but the use eluded Michael. Was it a token from neurotic mind, half numbed by medicine, or did the gift have some logic to it?

“Do you want to keep it?” Michael asked.

“And do what? Give it to Alex when she grows up, ‘_your father left you a toothpick_’?” Tilly asked rhetorically. 

———\/———

“Where are you going?” Pike asked, as Michael was packing her things.

“I am going to sleep at Tilly’s,” she said. He looked disappointed. But didn’t complain.

They agreed; she hoped. “Okay.” Michael stopped and looked at him. He looked like a puppy left outside alone.

Terror had filled her when he had disappeared in the water. He was cold and stiff when she had pulled him out of that water.

So certain he was dead that it surprised her when he had begun breathing again. Her heart raced, living through the fear of loosing him again.

Michael was relieved Tilly had wanted her to stay with her and Alex for the night. Now that the stress and adrenaline were disappearing, she was understanding how close she had been to lose Captain Pike into the muddy water.

The remainder of that feeling made her claustrophobic. It was a mistake to put so much hope and love towards one person; it was a mistake letting him get close to her.

“How is she?” Pike asked, worried. Tilly was as expected. Michael forced herself to smile.

“She is tough,” Michael said. Tilly was, but Michael didn’t feel tough herself at all. If she was braver, she would have told Captain Pike that she would return to their quarters. If she had been more brave, she would call him Chris all the time.

She would tell him that him she loved him. Admitting love would just complicate everything.

“Good night, Captain,” Michael said instead.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like, please leave kudos.


End file.
